Dennis the Menace fills in some details about chickening out on his latest suicide attempt. He can't do anything right:
Fri Oct 18, 2013, 03:02 PM
Denninmi (6,494 posts)
Mental Illness - so much in the news, so many negative views, but there is bravery and dignity, too.
Another of my essays on mental illness, from a guy struggling every day with PTSD and with the way society reacts to and thinks about mental illness and those with it.
There was a time I was very ashamed of all of this. Not so much now. I still struggle, and I vacillate between feeling ashamed of my condition and feeling proud of the fact I have been very brave and very open here on DU about it.
This is a cross-post from the Mental Health Support Group. The question was posed, "What is the bravest thing you have done in connection to your mental illness."
Mine was choosing not to blow my brains out with a .22 pistol about 14 months ago, when I thought a mental illness diagnosis meant my life was over. And, for a long time, I thought that sitting with a loaded gun in my hands, contemplating putting it to my temple and pulling the trigger was my weakest, most shameful moment in life.
I now realize sitting with a loaded gun in my hands, contemplating shooting myself in the head, and NOT doing it was the single bravest thing I have ever done. Because, I chose to struggle, to live, despite all of the odd that I thought were so overwhelming. It has made me a survivor. It has made me tough. It has made me strong.
Here is my essay, please read it and comment on either board. Thank you.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1151&pid=4521
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10023880104It's really hard to take seriously a guy who writes about killing himself in a forum for political lunatics.
So, some wacky advice for a wacko:
Dennis, please, don't shoot yourself in the head with a .22 pistol. It's the worst thing you could do.
Professional hit men like to use a .22, but they pop their target in the head several times. You won't have that luxury. You have to make that first shot count.
A .22 may kill you, probably will, but it sure won't "blow your brains out". There's a decent chance it will just scramble them around really badly. Then you'll be a burden on the beleagured people of Michigan.
If you decide lights out is the way to go, get a bigger caliber. A .38, or even better, a .40 or .45.
Those calibers are very common and easy to find. Just use your credit card.
This guy is crazier than even Dennis the Menace. Spooky:
Response to Denninmi (Original post)
Mon Oct 21, 2013, 04:47 PM
hunter (17,545 posts)
1. I don't get brave at my very worst. I become invisible.
I'm the unremarkable guy digging through the dumpster.
I purposely put redeemable cans and bottles in my recycling bin on trash day for the other unremarkable invisible people. First currently is an elderly Filipino(?) gentleman on a bicycle who doesn't speak, he simply smiles. Early bird gets the worm. I don't always sleep nights which is why I sometimes meet him. What he does is illegal but in our town the police are severely understaffed and won't quickly respond to any call but violence.
Old guy stealing cans from a recycling bin??? Are you kidding?
I remember when I was an invisible person living in my broken car in a church parking lot. The manager of a local fast food place would give me timed-out food that was supposed to go in the dumpster.
I didn't starve. I was resourceful.
These days I rely on the social safety net I've built. Whenever I drift too far into the darkness I trust someone will pull me back. I've never been brave enough to seek help myself when I'm in my darkest places.
But maybe building and maintaining my safety net when I'm fully functional is my "brave." I wish I could know. My "off-meds" self is entirely invisible feral human.
Yet he has nearly eighteen thousand posts at the DUmp, and internet access.
