primitives discuss not getting along with family

[franksolich]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/11514204

Oh my.

Locut0s (3,764 posts)    Sun Aug 18, 2013, 04:27 AM

Had a bit of a blowup with my parents but I think it's ok...

Had a bit of a blowup tonight with my parents. Mostly got angry at myself and not them. I "cancelled" my camping trip I had been planning. I've never done anything like that camping trip, new driver and never been alone for long, so my parents are understandably a little nervous. They voiced there concerns a number of times over the last few weeks but never vociferously. But because of our relationship I internalize those worries and they become my own. I started to doubt if I could do the trip despite being very confident before, I got less confident every time someone would voice a concern. Couple this with my mother being a worry freak and taking control of situations and well, tonight didn't go well. I kind of had a mini melt down, mostly in my own head. But now that I've pulled myself together I think I'll still be going on that trip after all. I don't do well with my family sometimes. Interesting how things seem so much simpler, calmer and less stressful when I'm by myself.

TexasTowelie (4,836 posts)    Sun Aug 18, 2013, 04:46 AM

1. Sorry about that. I hope you get to go on the camping trip.

I had the recurring blowup with my brother today--same old arguments and the only escape is for me is to hop on the bike and retreat to a restaurant so I can stay out of the Texas heat and so he can cool down his temper. He wouldn't have to say, "I'm sorry," so frequently if he could learn to control his temper and stop obsessing over things that cannot be changed or mitigated.
 
The realtor stopped by today and took pictures of my deceased father's house where we both live. Hopefully it will sell or at least have some strong nibbles by the end of October; otherwise, foreclosure becomes a distinct possibility. It's sad because the house is over 80% paid, but he is driving me insane with the constant barrage of hatred for my screwups from 10 to 20 years ago. The atmosphere among us and two of my three sisters is toxic.
 
Remember that they are your parents and by nature will be over-protective.

Locut0s (3,764 posts)    Sun Aug 18, 2013, 04:56 AM

2. Thanks TexasTowelie...

I hope your house sells! That's indeed a stressful situation you have there, and the house is acting as a physical anchor making it worse. My parents are in some ways a similar anchor for me. I've been diagnosed with an enmeshed relationship with them, which basically means we depend on each other emotionally so much that we can't separate ourselves from each other. My own personality and interests are underdeveloped and tied into theirs far too closely. This creates emotional dependencies between myself, my father and my mother. We can't be our own selves without hurting the other. And we often feel neglected or hurt by the others for the wrong reasons. I feel guilty for having and wanting my own differing beliefs and interests and yet because they are underdeveloped I don't even know what these interests are sometimes. This guilt then leads to resentment and self hatred. It's a toxic environment. It's not immediately obvious that it's toxic because in some ways we couldn't be closer as a family, but the flip side is that that is also the problem. I need to separate myself from them and work on myself, but it's difficult.
 
Not sure anyone can understand this.

TexasTowelie (4,836 posts)    Sun Aug 18, 2013, 05:32 AM

3. I'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, but I've been through quite a bit during my 48 years on this planet from dealing within my own family to dealing with various roommates during my college years. I've been called early in the morning to go to the hospital to pick up a roommate that nearly overdosed and I had to be on suicide watch for one person that I knew when I was 21.
 
A couple of years later after I graduated another college roommate called me one evening and I couldn't see him that night because of other plans. The next day a mutual friend called and told me that my former roomie tried to overdose on tranquilizers and was unsuccessful; however, I never saw the roommate again. That has weighed heavily on me throughout the years and has influenced my attitude about having compassion for others.
 
I also can understand about feeling like your personality is underdeveloped--most of us want to please our parents and be the perfect child for them. The difficult thing is to step out and develop relationships that do not involve your parents--being co-dependent on the parents is damaging to your psyche and could possibly lead to a vacuum in your later life when they are deceased.
 
Fortunately, I do not believe that you are despondent (I recognize that because I've been at that state of mind quite a bit lately). I wish that I could stay up more, but I'm knocked out by all the work that has gone into getting the house ready and I completed a job application this week for a fairly high-paying position which would be a solution to alleviate the stress with my brother. However, the guilt complex is difficult to suppress and it is unfair for anyone to trigger those emotions in others.

[67 Rover]

TexasTowelie (4,836 posts)    Sun Aug 18, 2013, 05:32 AM

3. I'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, but I've been through quite a bit during my 48 years on this planet from dealing within my own family to dealing with various roommates during my college years. I've been called early in the morning to go to the hospital to pick up a roommate that nearly overdosed and I had to be on suicide watch for one person that I knew when I was 21.
 
A couple of years later after I graduated another college roommate called me one evening and I couldn't see him that night because of other plans. The next day a mutual friend called and told me that my former roomie tried to overdose on tranquilizers and was unsuccessful; however, I never saw the roommate again. That has weighed heavily on me throughout the years and has influenced my attitude about having compassion for others.
 
I also can understand about feeling like your personality is underdeveloped--most of us want to please our parents and be the perfect child for them. The difficult thing is to step out and develop relationships that do not involve your parents--being co-dependent on the parents is damaging to your psyche and could possibly lead to a vacuum in your later life when they are deceased.
 
Fortunately, I do not believe that you are despondent (I recognize that because I've been at that state of mind quite a bit lately). I wish that I could stay up more, but I'm knocked out by all the work that has gone into getting the house ready and I completed a job application this week for a fairly high-paying position which would be a solution to alleviate the stress with my brother. However, the guilt complex is difficult to suppress and it is unfair for anyone to trigger those emotions in others.

What should that be telling you when all of your roommates want to kill themselves and the brother you are living with hates you?  Anything, anything  Bueller?

[GOBUCKS]

I've never done anything like that camping trip, new driver and never been alone for long, so my parents are understandably a little nervous.

I just noticed this about DUmmy LocoNuts. Thirty-one years old, and just got his driver's license. Wait until his eight fellow-freshmen suite-mates hear about that.

Sounds like the Tucson-bound convenient clerk.

[Karin]

Oh for God's sakes.  31 years old, going on a lone camping trip, and his mother is freaking out?  Tells me everything I need to know.  He's probably just going out to the backyard. 

Has he gone yet?  Because we could always hope he'd be eaten by a bear.  They do those sort of things, close to hibernation season.  Gotta fatten up. 

And look at that "diagnosed with enmeshed relationship."  What a victim.  Diagnosed.   

[Bad Dog]

I can hardly wait for Loconuts tales of dorm life.  Now that he has escaped his "enmeshed" relationship hopefully he will discover drugs.

[Carl]

Oh for God's sakes.  31 years old, going on a lone camping trip, and his mother is freaking out?  Tells me everything I need to know.  He's probably just going out to the backyard. 

Has he gone yet? Because we could always hope he'd be eaten by a bear.  They do those sort of things, close to hibernation season.  Gotta fatten up. 

And look at that "diagnosed with enmeshed relationship."  What a victim.  Diagnosed.   

That will show the folks how wrong they were thinking he would never amount to shit.















Pun stolen from Ron White.

[Gina]

Locut0s (3,764 posts)    Sun Aug 18, 2013, 04:27 AM

Had a bit of a blowup with my parents but I think it's ok...

Had a bit of a blowup tonight with my parents. Mostly got angry at myself and not them. I "cancelled" my camping trip I had been planning. I've never done anything like that camping trip, new driver and never been alone for long, so my parents are understandably a little nervous.

How old is this person?  I would say young but being a dem he could be 50ish still living with his parents  

eta:  I just read the rest of the thread.  I am shaking my head.  There's no hope for that kind of person 

[hillneck]

I can hardly wait for Loconuts tales of dorm life.  Now that he has escaped his "enmeshed" relationship hopefully he will discover drugs.

Maybe drug boy Tav's can help him with that.

[JohnnyReb]

DUmmies have never met a family that they liked.

[delilahmused]

Locut0s (3,764 posts)    Sun Aug 18, 2013, 04:56 AM

2. Thanks TexasTowelie...

I hope your house sells! That's indeed a stressful situation you have there, and the house is acting as a physical anchor making it worse. My parents are in some ways a similar anchor for me. I've been diagnosed with an enmeshed relationship with them, which basically means we depend on each other emotionally so much that we can't separate ourselves from each other. My own personality and interests are underdeveloped and tied into theirs far too closely. This creates emotional dependencies between myself, my father and my mother. We can't be our own selves without hurting the other. And we often feel neglected or hurt by the others for the wrong reasons. I feel guilty for having and wanting my own differing beliefs and interests and yet because they are underdeveloped I don't even know what these interests are sometimes. This guilt then leads to resentment and self hatred. It's a toxic environment. It's not immediately obvious that it's toxic because in some ways we couldn't be closer as a family, but the flip side is that that is also the problem. I need to separate myself from them and work on myself, but it's difficult.
 
Not sure anyone can understand this.

"Enmeshed relationship" is a mental disorder? What pill do you take for that? Wouldn't the "cure" be to get a life? DU is a cesspool of enablers. Now if we could just convince them breathing was a mental disorder. I know there's a pill for that.

Cindie

[Wineslob]

Lostupidus, go, please, the bears are hungry.

[BlueStateSaint]

"Enmeshed relationship" is a mental disorder? What pill do you take for that? Wouldn't the "cure" be to get a life? DU is a cesspool of enablers. Now if we could just convince them breathing was a mental disorder. I know there's a pill for that.

Cindie

Here's one of them.  I think it's a 200-grain dosage (maybe a 230-grain).

[BattleHymn]

Loconuts and the Lady Freedumb primitive would make a great couple. 

Think of what hilarity would ensue.

[biersmythe]

well all I have to say after reading this thread is Locut0s and TexasTowelie should do the society they wish to create a favor and off themselves...that is some of the most pathetic drivel I have heard in a long time....It amazes me God allows these peeps to exist.

[GOBUCKS]

It amazes me God allows these peeps to exist.

I've had the same thought, but then remember He allows chiggers and mosquitoes, and DUmp democrats are in the same family.

[thundley4]

I've had the same thought, but then remember He allows chiggers and mosquitoes, and DUmp democrats are in the same family.

Are Mosquitoes Midget Muslims that hang around mosques?

[GOBUCKS]

Are Mosquitoes Midget Muslims that hang around mosques?

Muzzies are worse than mosquitoes. They carry more diseases.

They don't even need stagnant water.

Hell, they breed in sand.

[Vagabond]

"Enmeshed relationship" is a mental disorder? What pill do you take for that? Wouldn't the "cure" be to get a life? DU is a cesspool of enablers. Now if we could just convince them breathing was a mental disorder. I know there's a pill for that.

Cindie

It means, among other things, that he still has an emotionally monogamous relationship with his mom.  He is stuck emotionally in his mid-teens, or so, at best, and will remain there until he cuts the ties and enforces some boundaries with his mother.  He shouldn't just go on this camping trip.  He should take a long hike, and leave the cell phone so he won'tbe tempted to call her and she can't contact him.  He needs to move out, get a job, and get a hobby.

[Bad Dog]

It means, among other things, that he still has an emotionally monogamous relationship with his mom.  He is stuck emotionally in his mid-teens, or so, at best, and will remain there until he cuts the ties and enforces some boundaries with his mother.  He shouldn't just go on this camping trip.  He should take a long hike, and leave the cell phone so he won'tbe tempted to call her and she can't contact him.  He needs to move out, get a job, and get a hobby.

Strangely, according to Loconuts, the "enmeshed" relationship is with dad he hardly ever mentions his mother.  As to your advice, you do realize we are looking at a 31 year old DUmmie here.

[diesel driver]

Strangely, according to Loconuts, the "enmeshed" relationship is with dad he hardly ever mentions his mother.  As to your advice, you do realize we are looking at a 31 year old DUmmie here.

I think it's  also Canadian,  strike 2!

[franksolich]

I think it's  also Canadian,  strike 2!

Who does weird cruel things with dogs, strike three.

[biersmythe]

I've had the same thought, but then remember He allows chiggers and mosquitoes, and DUmp democrats are in the same family.

Yea i wish Noah would have killed that breeding pair of mosquitoes on the Ark! As far as the demonrats being in the same family ....I say yes cause there is nothing more annoying on this planet to me then mosquitoes....or demonrats!