PRESS RELEASE
UNCLASSIFIED - FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
August 6, 2013
The
US Department Of Taking Money From People Who Earn It And Giving Some Of It To People Who Didn't (USDOTMFPWEIAGAOITPWD) is sorry to announce the death of "Hope 'N Change", the Rainbow Skittle Shitting Unicorn. "Hopey", as she was known, died of exhaustion, and no matter how much she was beaten, would not shit any more rainbow Skittles.
HopeyBut in the face of tragedy, Big Brother (PBUH) has benevolently provided The People with the means of our salvation.
The USDOTMFPWEIAGAOITPWD is pleased to announce the acquisition of "Plonk", the Pink Pissing Alpaca. Plonk will float above the most disadvantaged among us, showering them with money, food, and Obamaphones.
Plonk!A new Federal office, the Pink Pissing Alpaca Control Agency (PPACA) will manage Plonk's golden showers upon The People. The PPSCA will be located in the former NSA headquarters, which are unused since
yesterday, when Big Brother (PBUH) ordered the entire NSA be immediately dismantled- really!
No, no, it's not the NSA. It's the PPACA. Trust us.All praise to Big Brother (PBUH) for his wisdom and benevolence!