DUmmie "recursion" talks about being a kept man

[Tess Anderson]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10022926118

Fri May 31, 2013, 07:49 AM

 Recursion (25,626 posts)


I'm a stay at home husband, or as I call it, a "kept man"...


Last edited Fri May 31, 2013, 07:56 AM USA/ET - Edit history (1)

 A few threads about female breadwinners have gotten me thinking about this, and I wanted to put in my two cents on their own terms.
 
Thought 1: most men in my situation do not do housework, and expect their wives to. This is probably the biggest problem. And I'll say on the men's part, it may not even be "sexism" in the usual sense; more the fact that men, in general, are more willing to put up with filth than women are. Ask yourself what an average bachelor's apartment looks like, for instance. Here, I'm lucky: I was in the Marine Corps for a decade. I don't mop; I scrub. On my knees, with a sponge. Because I will not live in a house of filth. Also, I don't just know how to cook, I love doing it (that was my first job in the Marine Corps, in fact, and I chose it deliberately). She occasionally has some secret Bengali recipe she wants to cook, but I love just making stock every few days and cooking some meat and veggies with it.
 
Thought 2: we do not have children, but inshallah, we will. We have had the talks about this (see thought 3) and I am not just willing but very eager to be the primary caregiver and educator. We live in an admittedly unusual situation in which she is a diplomat posted to countries where I as a trailing spouse can often not get a work permit. But I love children and I love teaching and I really do know I'll be great at that.
 
Thought 3: we have, since about our 4th date when we realized we were serious about one another, talked about this issue without mincing any words. I have some stuff I can do (programming, sysadmining, copy-editing, writing) that can be done wherever we are, and that's essentially just my slush fund (which ends up being gifts for her anyways). She pays for dinner, when we're out, and she pays the cell phone bill (you as taxpayers pay the rent; thank you). I can't stress how crucial this is: actually talk to your partner about issues, and that includes money and spending.
 
To recap: I am a male from the southern US and a veteran of the Marine Corps; I fully understand societal expectations of manhood. But I have to say, with mutual communication there is absolutely no reason a man cannot be the partner who is not the breadwinner. I'm working on my novel, I'm learning pastels, and I clean the house to a high ****ing sheen that, frankly, my spouse can't quite get (she was never a Marine, God love her).

then:

Response to Sheldon Cooper (Reply #2)

Fri May 31, 2013, 08:08 AM

 Recursion (25,626 posts)

5. It's a "many" thing, I grant


And if I had not been a Marine, I probably would have been like most bachelors. The fact is, since boot camp, I simply cannot stand to live in the same building with any kind of uncleanliness. Call it an obsession or whatever, but it's something more men should pick up (I'm sure the Army and Navy are almost as good at instilling that).
 
My fiancee is, and I'll be very honest here, a slob. I love her deeply, but this is true. If I didn't clean things up, there would be dirty clothes on the floor, and dirty dishes in the sink every night. This isn't the voice of resentment; this is just a simple recognition of fact. I own the name "feminist" and I admire the feminist leaders of the past because thanks to them we have a situation where I can be the person who addresses those issues, while she negotiates important treaties that will guide US policy for the next several decades. Guess what: it's a great idea to keep it that way, because you sure as hell wouldn't want to reverse that, either for our dishes' sake or our treaties' sake.

Just a fiancee? Hope she never marries him, he sounds really ghey

 

[vesta111]

Is this poster that Wiener fella with the Big Dick seen around the world ??

Actually as a female I would have loved to have made enough money to keep a boy toy to clean the house all spit and polish.   Baby sit the kids and have dinner on the table when I got home.   A escort to events and save money because we did not need to hire a Gardener or someone to clean the garage.

Sounds like heaven to me, no need to pay up the wazoo for day care, or pay for a Nanny to come in and be seduced by husband.   

Woman that can afford to support a husband to become a house keeper and raise their kids have the best of both worlds. 

When my Hubby was laid off for a month before being called back to work I loved it.   House was spotless, laundry done and put away, dinner on the table , clean sheets on the bed twice a week. yard work done and car washed.       

When he was called back to work I was miserable, now I had to do all this as he was exhausted when he came home.   

I really enjoyed the month of his unemployment, it took so much off me and I was able to work 12 hour days or nights with no problem.

[Duke Nukum]

Thought 1: most men in my situation do not do housework, and expect their wives to.

I had to stop here. How does an effeminate couch potato from the DUmp know anything about what "most men" expect?

I, for one man, expect not to be preached to by an effeminate little couch potato from the DUmp.

"He can't be a man because he does not smoke the same cigarette as me!"
--Mick Jagger

[BadCat]

not the breadwinner. I'm working on my novel, I'm learning pastels, and I clean the house to a high ****ing sheen

Is this before or after you stop to lament the loss of your testicles?

[BlueStateSaint]

Is this before or after you stop to lament the loss of your testicles?

Supposedly, estrogen therapy prevents this . . .

[Mr Mannn]

I've seen guys like this: their preferred lifestyle is to get a woman to support therm.
However he betrays something else: The taxpayers are paying his rent.

This guy is a lazy oaf, feeding off the taxpayers, and his girlfriend. A good for nothing leech.

and he was never a Marine. Marines have pride and aren't afraid of work.
I know marines both good and bad. this louse is no marine.

Recursion (25,626 posts)
I'm a stay at home husband, or as I call it, a "kept man"...
Kept man. Pet name from his gay lover?

 
Thought 1: most men in my situation do not do housework, and expect their wives to.
Wrong. Most men WORK. Most men pull their own weight. Men don't post at DU.

 I'm lucky: I was in the Marine Corps for a decade.
Bullshit. You could never make it past boot camp. and I have a hard time believing you would ever defend your country
I don't mop; I scrub. On my knees, with a sponge. Because I will not live in a house of filth. Also, I don't just know how to cook, I love doing it (that was my first job in the Marine Corps, in fact, and I chose it deliberately).
Let me get this straight. You CHOSE to clean house in the marines? That's an option? I didn't know "house-b!tch" was a choice in the Marines.

She occasionally has some secret Bengali recipe she wants to cook, but I love just making stock every few days and cooking some meat and veggies with it.
The truth: You don't clean or cook. you'll just spend her money until she loses respect for you calls the cops and kicks you out. and you've done this a 100 times before.
 
Thought 2: we do not have children, but inshallah, we will. We have had the talks about this (see thought 3) and I am not just willing but very eager to be the primary caregiver and educator. We live in an admittedly unusual situation in which she is a diplomat posted to countries where I as a trailing spouse can often not get a work permit. But I love children and I love teaching and I really do know I'll be great at that.
You'll push her towards abortion because you know she will eventually kick you out. If not, may God have mercy on those children.
 
Thought 3: we have, since about our 4th date when we realized we were serious about one another,
4 dates, and you shacked up. yep. not surprised.
talked about this issue without mincing any words.
again, bullsh!t. You told a gal after 4 dates you won't contribute to the household income. SURE you did. Every gal wants a leech sucking her lifeblood after a mere 4 dates.

I have some stuff I can do (programming, sysadmining, copy-editing, writing) that can be done wherever we are, and that's essentially just my slush fund (which ends up being gifts for her anyways). She pays for dinner, when we're out, and she pays the cell phone bill (you as taxpayers pay the rent; thank you). I can't stress how crucial this is: actually talk to your partner about issues, and that includes money and spending.
You just surprised her and moved in. and never left. I hate people like you

Vesta, you're giving this ass wipe way too much credit. NO ONE is as good as he claims to be. He is a bottom dwelling slime sucker. Only a fool would believe this. especially after everything else that posted at the DUmp.