BNN: FDA Seeks to Impose New Safety Standards
Washington DC - In the wake of a recent death in Pakistan where a protester died after inhaling fumes from a burning American flag the FDA and OSHA released a joint statement saying they would soon be issuing new manufacturing guidelines.
"The US ais deeply saddened by the loss of life associated with anti-American sentiments in Pakistan and we feel it is our mission to ensure the safety of protesters worldwide," said Tony Bellaforte, spokesman for the FDA.
Among the new product guidelines would be an extensive QA and testing regimen wherein thousands of American flags would be burned monthly. Some estimates say the falg-burning regulations could cost as much as $65 billion monthly prompting a new call for higher taxes from the progressive wing of congress.
While some consider the loss of any life tragic many questioned the need for such strigent regulations. The FDA admitted there was not an epidemic of flag-burning related injuries but they wanted to flag-burners assurances that their concerns would be answered and that the US flag could be burned safely in an eco-friendly manner.
Mr. Bellaforte asserted that people had the right to burn flags as part of the freedom of speech in calling for such things as the censorship of upsetting films and the abolition of non-Islamic religions and as such the government was required to provide the means for them to do so without harming themselves or the environment.
"We know deaths from fume inhalation are rare in these instances but if you look at the flag-burning population here in the US I don't think that anyone could deny that there are serious instances of reduced mental capabilities corresponding to the repeated burning of American flags. We owe these people and I think they would agree."
