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Author Topic: Things you oughtn't say, but do  (Read 1911 times)

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Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

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Things you oughtn't say, but do
« on: August 03, 2011, 06:39:09 PM »
"You look just like my ex...

...so I guess I know what you look like naked."
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According to the Bible, "know" means "yes."

Offline NHSparky

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Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
« Reply #1 on: August 04, 2011, 08:24:06 AM »
No, your ASS makes your ass look fat.

Here Officer, hold my beer while I get my license--wait, how'd that weed get in there?

Yes, honey, I really did get you a pony.  It's in the freezer.

You give shitty directions and you couldn't run pantyhose, boss.
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“Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the government take care of him better take a closer look at the American Indian.”  -Henry Ford

Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

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Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
« Reply #2 on: August 04, 2011, 09:18:02 AM »
INTERLOCUTOR: Why do weapons always look like phallic symbols? Swords, spears, guns, artillery. They always look like penises.

ME: Because if they were shaped like vaginas they'd just lay there and expect you to do all the work.
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Offline CG6468

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Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
« Reply #3 on: August 04, 2011, 09:28:18 AM »
For a fat girl, you don't sweat much.
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Illinois, south of the gun controllers in Chi town

Offline DumbAss Tanker

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Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
« Reply #4 on: August 04, 2011, 09:35:39 AM »
"When is the baby due?" - and then it eventuates that the other party isn't pregnant.
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Offline debk

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Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
« Reply #5 on: August 04, 2011, 09:38:31 AM »
Quote from: DumbAss Tanker on August 04, 2011, 09:35:39 AM
"When is the baby due?" - and then it eventuates that the other party isn't pregnant.


I learned the hard way to never, ever ask that question!  :thatsright:
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Just hand over the chocolate...back away slowly...far away....and you won't get hurt....

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Offline CG6468

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Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
« Reply #6 on: August 04, 2011, 09:48:10 AM »
Quote from: DumbAss Tanker on August 04, 2011, 09:35:39 AM
"When is the baby due?" - and then it eventuates that the other party isn't pregnant.

I came close to doing that once. She was a devout Catholic in a Catholic family. But I backed off - thank God!
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Illinois, south of the gun controllers in Chi town

Offline NHSparky

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Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
« Reply #7 on: August 04, 2011, 10:23:45 AM »
Sorry, did you say my eyes were reddened like I've been drinking too much, Officer?  Well, your eyes are glazed like you've eaten too many goddammed donuts!

The stork?  No, you were left here by gypsies.  Now if they'll just take you back.

Damn you can sure (list ex's habit here.) ===> Guilty, and I'll burn in hell for it.  Double points if you name ex.

Who's the father?

I know you got fired, but you're still welcome to come to the company party.
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Offline Wineslob

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Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
« Reply #8 on: August 04, 2011, 10:26:17 AM »
Do what you want with the girl, but leave me alone!*















ripped off from the late George Carlin.
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Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

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Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
« Reply #9 on: August 04, 2011, 03:17:15 PM »
Now that you're here I guess we have everything we need...except the penicillin shot.
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According to the Bible, "know" means "yes."
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