gigantic primitive campaigning for top primitive

[franksolich]

Wow.
The gigantic primitive sure does have a lot on his plate. (No pun intended.) Between the dieting, the call cards, looking for a pro-bono immigration attorney. Life is busy for the gigantic primitive.

Life is busy for the gigantic primitive because he's really really busy avoiding doing something.

He doesn't want to be out pounding the pavements looking for a job.

And so all this--his weight, his wife's problems--gives an excuse for not doing that.

A rather lame one, but an excuse nonetheless.

[Chris_]

I'd think it's a better option to try focusing on loving my wife and myself, and working steadily towards my dream of using my life experience, including everything described above, in order to help others.

If you had stuck with that in the first place, you probably wouldn't have turned into a human Hindenburg. 

[franksolich]

I've worked with lots of heavy guys and girls, and they do just fine.

You know, I've suggested before that since Las Vegas has a lot of hotels, the gigantic primitive could find work as a bell-boy.

I've seen fat bell-boys before, short little guys in their 40s and 50s, weighing circa 300-350 pounds.

For some reason, women think fat bell-boys are "cute," and tip them much.

And all the walking around, carrying bags, would help melt away much of the weight excess.

If that didn't work, since Las Vegas has a lot of movie theatres, the gigantic primitive could work as an usher; he'd have to buy a flashlight to go with his hotel bell-boy uniform and cap, but I suspect the gigantic primitive would actually enjoy being a theatre usher, pompously and officiously escorting patrons to their seats.

[dandi]

The gigantic primitive's been busy; one suspects he really wants to be a winner in the top primitives.

I could care less if he was pimping himself to be the Duke of Manhattan, I absolutely cannot stand drama queens.

Well, something just now this minute suddenly occurred to franksolich.

Jeanette's having a problem with paperwork, and can't get a job at the moment.

One is sure the gigantic primitive has all his paperwork, so why isn't he out looking for work, while Jeanette's dealing with this?

Why is a job for Jeanette more important than a job for the gigantic primitive?

Because he's a DUmmie?

[franksolich]

Because he's a DUmmie?

Well, I'm wondering about something else, and am wondering if this is the "more ammo" the gigantic primitive's trying to hide from us, but which must inevitably blow up in his face.

The gigantic primitive's only work experience has been as a card-dealer in casinos; he never learned anything else.

Ever since he was a little lad up in Minnesota, he didn't want to be a fireman, a policeman, a soldier, a physician, an attorney, a firefighter, a professor, a banker, or any of those other things little lads dream of becoming--he admits that he never wanted to be anything but a parasite upon society, a card-dealer in a casino.

So that's all the gigantic primitive ever knew.

About the same time the gigantic primitive hit a quarter of a ton, he left the casino, being unemployed.

The gigantic primitive's never been open and honest about why he left the casino.

He might've been fired, because he's never expressed anything other than hostility about his former place of employment.....and he could've been fired because the casino restaurant was going bankrupt (one of the fringe benefits of being a card-dealer in a casino is all the chow one wishes to eat).

Or, or, or, maybe there was some funny business going on, the gigantic primitive skimming some of the casino winnings, hiding the cash in his flaps.

What's clear is that the gigantic primitive has no interest whatsoever in working as a card-dealer again.

I'm wondering if he doesn't want to because he can't.

Surely there's a "blacklist" among casinos, detailing the crimes of former employees, so as to prevent other casinos from falling victim.

Or perhaps he can no longer pass a background check.

I dunno.

But if this is the "more ammo" the gigantic primitive says he's hiding from us, again, it's wet ammunition, no good.

[USA4ME]

Ege Bamyasi   

Please, please, I implore you: Make me your NUMBER ONE TOP PRIMITIVE LARD-ASS LAS VEGAS LEVIATHAN GREASY GRILLED CHEESE AND BACON SANDWICH EATING DUMMY OF 2010!!

Request denied.

Here:



.

[Vagabond]

You know, sir, I wasn't even thinking of the gigantic primitive for top primitive this year, not even the lowly 20th spot, until he made that most-unfortunate "more ammo" comment, hinting that he's stashing something somewhere.

Take that "more ammo" comment out of his campfire on Skins's island, and the gigantic primitive would've continued slipping into obscurity, with only a mention here and there maybe twice, three, times a year, about his weight loss.

But he made that "more ammo" comment.....

Now, please notice his long rant about the bureaucracy, which highlights two of his flaws much more repulsive than his rolls of fat.

The first is that all his problems in life are due to "other people," never to himself.  He's been this way since forever--"other people" are jerks, incompetent, stupid, or whatever.  While the gigantic primitive's been an angel, an illuminating light of intelligence, physicians, nurses, bus drivers, his late mother of blessed memory, his brother, social workers, bureaucrats, the apartment management, his in-laws, have been devils.

Yeah, right.  Like any of them managed to bloat up past a quarter of a ton.

The second is that all these places the gigantic primitive's gone to, to verify the identification of his wife, seem to be, uh, blue counties run by corrupt Democrat political machines since, well, forever.

If the gigantic primitive doesn't see the irony in that, well, one must conclude the gigantic primitive isn't as bright as he alleges himself to be.

I dunno how I'm going to vote on top primitive--there's actually twenty of them, remember--but I suspect that with this latest irrational outburst of the gigantic primitive, whereas before he wouldn't have even reached 20th spot, now there's going to be enough votes to catapult him back into prominence.

Seriously.  There are times when I think that he must think himself to be Ignatius Jacques Reilly or something.  He's always right, there never wrong, and those dangerous busses to Baton Rouge must be stopped.  Or something.  There are investigative agencies that would be able to help him in his search for a nominal fee.

[Toastedturningtidelegs]

maybe while you're at it you could send me some of those magical "bootstraps" that we could pull ourselves up by?

Bootstraps? Don't you mean tow chains?

[franksolich]

Someone over there read franksolich's suggestion over here that the gigantic primitive contact Harry Reid.

After all, they're both Dems, and Dems are supposed to help each other.

But remember, franksolich suggested it first, right here.

Ege Bamyasi    
Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 10:41 am
Location: Las Vegas, NV
    
AnnaS wrote:

Hi, Kirk--I hope you can get some pro bono legal help to help you unravel this absurd snafu.

Maybe somebody already suggested this upthread, but I would also consider contacting your Congresscritter or Senators. They have staff for working on exactly this kind of issue, and particularly since it's a multiple-state problem, it may be something that congressional staff can resolve more easily than a lawyer could.

I worked with immigrants for many years and I can tell you that such human rights issues or humans-caught-in-the-paperwork problems often do go to a representative's office and get resolved there. And more recently, when I have attended our local congressman's town hall meetings, all politics aside, he brings several staff members to each meeting and they stay afterwards helping individuals with problems like this. Our region has a lot of small family farmers, and they get caught in all kinds of ridiculous paperwork problems (and they can't afford lawyers, either) and I have listened to them discussing these problems in detail with attentive staffers.

So I would urge you to contact any or all of these offices and ask to speak to a staffer who can help with this type of problem. It's your right to ask for this help. You'll want to get the problem summarized fairly well before talking with them--that's where some pro bono help locally might be useful to you, getting the problem articulated clearly and succinctly...hard to do when you're in the middle of it yourself.

Well, we've already determined that there is a form which one must fill out and either mail or fax to Senator Harry Reid's office, explaining the situation in detail. Once that is done, the appropriate staffer can get back in touch and try to get the ball rolling.

There is also a pro bono service here in town, but they're booked solid through Monday to even be able to talk to someone, so our strategy will be to get on the phone with them the minute they open on Monday. There is a problem with this service, though, in that they're going to want proof of income and all the other lovely stuff, which once again may require ID. The cost of a round trip on para-transit for us is going to be at least $10 and quite possibly more given peak times, and since we are totally 100% broke until the middle of this month it may have to wait. Hopefully the Senator's office will be able to work more quickly than this service would, anyway.

it's a start! And we're looking around on the net for more ideas.

I know it's not much at this stage, but I still feel at least a glimmer of optimism for the first time in months.

And right here's the best place to find more ideas.

[Chris_]

There's a free legal aid office across the street from the bus station here and in every major city in the country.  Las Vegas probably has a half a dozen of them.  Has he bothered talking to them?  (I didn't read that long-ass rant.  I don't have that kind of time.)

[franksolich]

There's a free legal aid office across the street from the bus station here.  Has he bothered talking to them?  (I didn't read that long-ass rant.  I don't have that kind of time.)

Actually, the gigantic primitive doesn't need legal services.

The gigantic primitive needs to find a politician with clout.

And in corrupt Democrat-run Las Vegas, the gigantic primitive shouldn't find that difficult.

But really, this is something Jeanette should be handling herself--after all, she's more mentally and physically competent than her husband--while the gigantic primitive concentrates upon getting himself a job.

[Chris_]

My 70-year-old father has been above the 300# mark on the scale for a couple of decades and he still manages to go to work every day.

[franksolich]

My 70-year-old father has been above the 300# mark on the scale for a couple of decades and he still manages to go to work every day.

Well, thus far the past year, I've suggested these career opportunities for the gigantic primitive, but it's like talking to a deaf man:

bell-boy in a hotel
usher in a movie theatre
model for clothing for big and tall men
walking advertisement for something (where one wears a "sandwich board" and strolls up and down sidewalks)
circus sideshow master-of-ceremonies
chauffeur for a funeral home
posing for "before" parts of "before-and-after" photographs

The gigantic primitive wants to be a "nutritional consultant," but I don't think that's going to happen.

My ideas are more realistic.

[Chris_]

Cheese and bacon sandwiches don't qualify as nutrition.  Although I've heard professional mechanics are some of the worst people to buy a used car from because they know exactly how far they can push something until it breaks.

[true_blood]

Actually, the gigantic primitive doesn't need legal services. The gigantic primitive needs to find a politician with clout. And in corrupt Democrat-run Las Vegas, the gigantic primitive shouldn't find that difficult.
But really, this is something Jeanette should be handling herself--after all, she's more mentally and physically competent than her husband--while the gigantic primitive concentrates upon getting himself a job.

How very true. Is Jeanette that illiterate that she can't handle getting her papers on her own while the primitive of gigantic proportions gets a job? Seesm he uses Jeanette's problems as an excuse for the "easy way out".

[franksolich]

How very true. Is Jeanette that illiterate that she can't handle getting her papers on her own while the primitive of gigantic proportions gets a job? Seesm he uses Jeanette's problems as an excuse for the "easy way out".

Trust me, sir.

Jeanette is perfectly capable of handling her own matter herself, without any "help" from hefty hubby, who's using solving her predicament as an excuse for not going out himself to bring home some bacon.

[Chris_]

Mmmmmm, bacon.

[Celtic Rose]

What I want to know is what happened to Jeanette's Birth Certificate since the last time she used it. As far as I'm aware, it is hardly a document that you needs a new copy of each time it is used.  My mom got a copy of my birth certificate shortly after I was born, and I used the same copy to apply for my driver's license when I was 16. 

Seems to me all this drama could have been avoided if she kept her Birth Certificate in a safe place.  As it stands now, for all she knows, there is some criminal out there using her Birth Certificate to steal her identify.

[Chris_]

What I want to know is what happened to Jeanette's Birth Certificate since the last time she used it. As far as I'm aware, it is hardly a document that you needs a new copy of each time it is used.  My mom got a copy of my birth certificate shortly after I was born, and I used the same copy to apply for my driver's license when I was 16. 

Seems to me all this drama could have been avoided if she kept her Birth Certificate in a safe place.  As it stands now, for all she knows, there is some criminal out there using her Birth Certificate to steal her identify.

You got me.  I had to order a copy of my BC to get a security clearance.  It took a couple weeks, but I got a COLB from the state of New York (I've seen my long-form BC) in the mail.

I had a certified copy of my BC but I lost it.  You'd be surprised what happens when you move out of your parents house to another state.

[franksolich]

What I want to know is what happened to Jeanette's Birth Certificate since the last time she used it. As far as I'm aware, it is hardly a document that you needs a new copy of each time it is used.  My mom got a copy of my birth certificate shortly after I was born, and I used the same copy to apply for my driver's license when I was 16. 

Seems to me all this drama could have been avoided if she kept her Birth Certificate in a safe place.  As it stands now, for all she knows, there is some criminal out there using her Birth Certificate to steal her identify.

Oh, they probably have one of those certified certificates somewhere in the apartment; all they have to do is look for it.  These things just somehow collect.

I have three certified copies of my own certificate of birth, issued in 1972, 1984, and 1994; there's also a certified copy in the baby-book, but it's pasted in there.

When I was collecting things from the family archives for one of the nephews, who wished to have things from a late brother (their uncle) of mine, I found I had eight certificates of death for him.

The gigantic primitive just doesn't want to look for it; it would give him no reason for whining, and he wants to whine.