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Offline Tucker

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Where did my ungrateful nephews get their sense of entitlement
« on: May 28, 2010, 12:47:58 PM »
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x8437753

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HudsonValley  (12 posts) Click to send private message to this author  Click to view this author's profile  Click to add this author to your buddy list  Click to add this author to your Ignore list      Fri May-28-10 12:13 PM
Original message
ungrateful spoiled nephews
   
OK folks, I'm trying to sort this out and would love some advice: My nephews (16, 19, and 22 y/o) are good kids but they are really spoiled and, I think, ungrateful and discourteous. Every year, for birthdays and holidays, we work hard to give them thoughtful gifts -- i.e., something that they are interested in, not just shirts or gloves etc. Example: one nephew is really interested in golf. We went to a pro-shop, talked with a pro about particular clubs for his age and level, and got him a nice driver. On occasion, we have given them cash in a card. Even then, we either create a card or buy a card that is related to their interests. We never receive a thank you note or call. In addition, numerous times we have received calls from my sister and her husband saying something to the effect of "um... Kyle was wondering if he could bring it back..." or "it's better if you give them cash" or "next year, they would prefer..." We want to give the kids gifts that they like, but we also feel like they are ungrateful and not even mature enough to call us on their own. Furthermore, we believe that the art of gift-giving is NOT just working off a "checklist of wants" or acting like an ATM machine. We love our nephews and nieces, but kinda feel like they need to learn about how to receive a gift. Anyway, it's now clear that my sister and brother-in-law are basically fostering this behavior and we're not sure how to go forward. Continue to give as we have and be completely honest in confronting them? Just give them cash going forward? Not give them anything at all? (are they already past an age when gifts from aunts and uncles are unnecessary?) Please share thoughts and ideas and, thanks in advance!

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Dont TS Me Brah  (20 posts) Click to send private message to this author  Click to view this author's profile  Click to add this author to your buddy list  Click to add this author to your Ignore list      Fri May-28-10 12:15 PM
Response to Original message
1. oh that's terrible.
   
Try to teach the little monsters something. Take them to go volunteer or have them select old toys to donate. Little kids like that grow up into greedy capitalist scum.

No. They grow into welfare queens or DUmmy's who collect disability social security by age 30.

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n2doc  Donating Member  (1000+ posts)  Journal  Click to send private message to this author  Click to view this author's profile  Click to add this author to your buddy list  Click to add this author to your Ignore list      Fri May-28-10 12:18 PM
Response to Original message
2. Donate to a worthy cause in their name   Updated at 1:55 PM
   
Let them see that the money is going to a really needy person/cause.

They know by now that the procedure is to donate someone else's money to charity, not your own.

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T Wolf  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author  Click to view this author's profile  Click to add this author to your buddy list  Click to add this author to your Ignore list      Fri May-28-10 12:22 PM
Response to Reply #2
7. Great idea. And you can include in the notice a statement that you hope they get
   
more pleasure from seeing their "gift" do something positive than they previously got from gifts that they did not like.

You are under no obligation to cater to their greed or the bad example set by their [arents.

LOL. DUmmy's. Look in the mirror.

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ensho  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author  Click to view this author's profile  Click to add this author to your buddy list  Click to add this author to your Ignore list      Fri May-28-10 12:27 PM
Response to Original message
12. I'd stop giving them anything and if your sister asks about it
   


tell her she needs to teach them some manners.

Might as well start a family feud. No sense being the only DUmmy on the island to have a open line of communication with their family.

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tango-tee  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author  Click to view this author's profile  Click to add this author to your buddy list  Click to add this author to your Ignore list      Fri May-28-10 01:16 PM
Response to Reply #12
25. Bingo. We have a winner here!
   
This is precisely what I would do.

A nice card with warm, hearfelt wishes... and that's it.

They want their pony and by George, they'll get it.

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jtuck004  Donating Member  (534 posts) Click to send private message to this author  Click to view this author's profile  Click to add this author to your buddy list  Click to add this author to your Ignore list      Fri May-28-10 12:28 PM
Response to Original message
14. I don't think you should quit now. Offer them an all-expenses paid trip to -
   
Edited on Fri May-28-10 01:09 PM by jtuck004
the Darfur refugee camp in Chad, to work for a week feeding people.

Maybe they will gain a little perspective...

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Cleita  Donating Member  (1000+ posts)  Journal  Click to send private message to this author  Click to view this author's profile  Click to add this author to your buddy list  Click to add this author to your Ignore list      Fri May-28-10 12:34 PM
Response to Original message
21. I would go back to the shirts and gloves under ten dollars and
   
include a gift certificate for $25 so they can get what they want. It's a wrapped package, fulfills your obligation and doesn't cost a lot of hurt to you. I do this with my family because I gave up in trying to give them nice things that I found ending up in a yard sale untouched.

Priceless.

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Offline Wineslob

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Re: Where did my ungrateful nephews get their sense of entitlement
« Reply #1 on: May 28, 2010, 12:52:24 PM »
And these DUmmies can't make the connection............I'm not surprised. :thatsright:
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Offline Karin

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Re: Where did my ungrateful nephews get their sense of entitlement
« Reply #2 on: May 28, 2010, 12:54:17 PM »
That is priceless.  Tells us alot about her.  

My nephews pulled the same crap.  I stopped sending anything whatsoever.  It didn't cause a family feud either, because if my sister had pitched a fit or something, she would have no leg to stand on.  (These are grownup nephews). 
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Offline jukin

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Re: Where did my ungrateful nephews get their sense of entitlement
« Reply #3 on: May 28, 2010, 12:58:14 PM »
Local 456 of the Projectionists Union wants their dues.
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When you are the beneficiary of someone’s kindness and generosity, it produces a sense of gratitude and community.

When you are the beneficiary of a policy that steals from someone and gives it to you in return for your vote, it produces a sense of entitlement and dependency.

Offline The Village Idiot

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Re: Where did my ungrateful nephews get their sense of entitlement
« Reply #4 on: May 28, 2010, 01:06:44 PM »
Entitlement mentality is only bad when its YOUR money they want.
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Offline The Village Idiot

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Re: Where did my ungrateful nephews get their sense of entitlement
« Reply #5 on: May 28, 2010, 01:08:06 PM »
BTW- If anyone has any fat man jeans they want to give away, I'd be very grateful. I'll tweet it and everything, I have like 4 "followers" so...

 :lmao:
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Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: Where did my ungrateful nephews get their sense of entitlement
« Reply #6 on: May 28, 2010, 01:11:06 PM »
Just what every kid wants...an Obama golf club...has no special trait..can't hit anything head on... never, ever drives straight and is always accompanied by similar types made in China that are less than proficient.
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Offline debk

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Re: Where did my ungrateful nephews get their sense of entitlement
« Reply #7 on: May 28, 2010, 01:23:28 PM »
They bought one of the kids a driver? Expensive gift! and also one that is usually user specific.

Send them $25-50 in a card and be done with it....that's a lot less than the driver cost.

I see the point about not getting a thank you note or phone call....but sounds like both the gifter and the giftee have considerable amounts available cash....and they are DUmmies? :uhsure:
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Just hand over the chocolate...back away slowly...far away....and you won't get hurt....

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Offline VivisMom

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Re: Where did my ungrateful nephews get their sense of entitlement
« Reply #8 on: May 28, 2010, 03:58:00 PM »
They're still giving these kids gifts at 22 years of age? WTF! I stopped getting money from aunts/uncles for birthdays when I hit HS. After age 14, gifts were for Christmas and other major events (graduation, Confirmation, etc.) Even my grandmother cut off birthday money once I hit college. I say cut the little freeloaders off.

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Offline diesel driver

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Re: Where did my ungrateful nephews get their sense of entitlement
« Reply #9 on: May 28, 2010, 05:34:33 PM »
Quote from: JohnnyReb on May 28, 2010, 01:11:06 PM
Just what every kid wants...an Obama golf club...has no special trait..can't hit anything head on... never, ever drives straight and is always accompanied by similar types made in China that are less than proficient.

It also has a vicious slice to the left....

No matter how hard you try, it always pulls hard left....
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Offline Randy

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Re: Where did my ungrateful nephews get their sense of entitlement
« Reply #10 on: May 28, 2010, 07:18:22 PM »
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Dont TS Me Brah (20 posts) Click to send private message to this author  Click to view this author's profile  Click to add this author to your buddy list  Click to add this author to your Ignore list      Fri May-28-10 12:15 PM


Come on now Moles, they're stupider than monkey nuts but they ain't that stupid at the DUmp.  :thatsright:
 


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Offline delilahmused

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Re: Where did my ungrateful nephews get their sense of entitlement
« Reply #11 on: May 28, 2010, 09:24:40 PM »
Quote from: Karin on May 28, 2010, 12:54:17 PM
That is priceless.  Tells us alot about her.  

My nephews pulled the same crap.  I stopped sending anything whatsoever.  It didn't cause a family feud either, because if my sister had pitched a fit or something, she would have no leg to stand on.  (These are grownup nephews). 

I had a great aunt who always gave me a set of thank you cards for Christmas. I thought it was kind of mean then (she always gave something else, too) but now I appreciate the lesson she taught in her not so subtle way.

Cindie
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Offline sofa king

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Re: Where did my ungrateful nephews get their sense of entitlement
« Reply #12 on: May 28, 2010, 10:41:42 PM »
where did they get their sense of entitlement?

hummm...  let's see.  

achievement? our school systems have been bending over backwards in recent years to un-reward achievement and reward entitlement to ensure this failed notion of "equality."   every little snowflake gets a trophy just for showing up, its never anymore about actual contribution.  winning and losing?  obsolete concepts.  we don't want to damage their fragile psyches.

inclusion!  that is a big one too. if you decide at a young age that you are gae or a transvestite or a fluffy or somesuch (most likely just to get attention) then as a society, we should give you attention.  we shouldn't, as a society, slap you upside the head and tell you to get your shit right.  we should "honor and embrace" your difference according to the current "pc" liberal bullshit, as taught by our public education system.

i guess its that old argument once again...   how can i possibly pay my health care bills, when i have to pay for my ipod (and all of those itunes downloads,) my 60" flat screen, my cellphone (with unlimited minutes! do you know what that costs each month?)  my high-speed internet access.  my prius lease, plus my sharp clothing! 

someone else must pay for these bills.  (some one other than me that makes more money than me.)  tell me?  how am i expected to endure this suffering?

these are all "rights."  guaranteed by "that thing, in the whatever."




and you ask "where did they get their sense of entitlement?"


hummm...


« Last Edit: May 28, 2010, 10:50:59 PM by sofa king »
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Offline AllosaursRus

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Re: Where did my ungrateful nephews get their sense of entitlement
« Reply #13 on: May 29, 2010, 01:28:07 AM »
Quote from: VivisMom on May 28, 2010, 03:58:00 PM
They're still giving these kids gifts at 22 years of age? WTF! I stopped getting money from aunts/uncles for birthdays when I hit HS. After age 14, gifts were for Christmas and other major events (graduation, Confirmation, etc.) Even my grandmother cut off birthday money once I hit college. I say cut the little freeloaders off.



I got a $2 bill and a handkerchief from my "Nana" every year for 47 years, until she could no longer remember my birthday! It was fantastic! She went thru the real depression! Saved a boatload of $2 bills over the years. I sure do miss her! She passed at the ripe old age of 96!
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Offline Tucker

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Re: Where did my ungrateful nephews get their sense of entitlement
« Reply #14 on: May 29, 2010, 05:53:04 AM »
Quote from: sofa king on May 28, 2010, 10:41:42 PM
where did they get their sense of entitlement?

hummm...  let's see.  

achievement? our school systems have been bending over backwards in recent years to un-reward achievement and reward entitlement to ensure this failed notion of "equality."   every little snowflake gets a trophy just for showing up, its never anymore about actual contribution.  winning and losing?  obsolete concepts.  we don't want to damage their fragile psyches.

inclusion!  that is a big one too. if you decide at a young age that you are gae or a transvestite or a fluffy or somesuch (most likely just to get attention) then as a society, we should give you attention.  we shouldn't, as a society, slap you upside the head and tell you to get your shit right.  we should "honor and embrace" your difference according to the current "pc" liberal bullshit, as taught by our public education system.

i guess its that old argument once again...   how can i possibly pay my health care bills, when i have to pay for my ipod (and all of those itunes downloads,) my 60" flat screen, my cellphone (with unlimited minutes! do you know what that costs each month?)  my high-speed internet access.  my prius lease, plus my sharp clothing! 

someone else must pay for these bills.  (some one other than me that makes more money than me.)  tell me?  how am i expected to endure this suffering?

these are all "rights."  guaranteed by "that thing, in the whatever."




and you ask "where did they get their sense of entitlement?"


hummm...




Nice post but the question was rhetorical. We know the answer but I guess it's good to be spelled out for out unregistered guests.
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Offline sofa king

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Re: Where did my ungrateful nephews get their sense of entitlement
« Reply #15 on: May 29, 2010, 06:53:37 AM »
Quote from: Tucker on May 29, 2010, 05:53:04 AM
Nice post but the question was rhetorical. We know the answer but I guess it's good to be spelled out for out unregistered guests.

i know.

i just need to say it every now and then.

it feels good just to type the words...

 

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