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Author Topic: I'm a Federal Criminal  (Read 1507 times)

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Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

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I'm a Federal Criminal
« on: May 04, 2009, 06:59:09 PM »
In my NG unit we have this little punk shitbag who should be in prison rather than among the honorable souls of the military for reasons I won't discuss but for which he should be stuffed in a bag of shaved cats and thrown into a wading pool.

Anyhoo...

At drill this weekend he got hold of a bottle of liquor and the next morning he was yarping his guts-up.

The end of the weekend he went to class as I and 3 others stayed behind to clear/clean the barracks. I went into the latrine and the little ****tard had left his vomit all over the stall and toilet but by this time the chunks had hardened. Despite my liberal application of various cleansers the larger chunks would not be softened so ultimately I had to ball-up TP and scarpe it off with my paws.

Went we got back to our own armory a pair of E-5's smoked him until he was puking again (not that it took very long...the little shit is in zero shape...I can out-perform him any day even with a tore-out shoulder).

When they were done with him I went up to him and told him he owed my money and he'd better @#$%ing pay-up...which he did.

So now I have essentially extorted/strong-armed someone on federal property.

I should have just bounced him off the walls.
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Offline Chris_

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Re: I'm a Federal Criminal
« Reply #1 on: May 04, 2009, 08:54:52 PM »
If questioned, just say that you were following Lord Zero's leadership example as a "Community Organizer".  After all, what else do the street thugs aka "Community Organizers" do, if not go up to people (respectable business people) inform them that "you owe me money" (for slavery, social injustice, etc etc ad nauseum [oops; poor choice of words there]), and then proceed to protest (extort/strong-arm) said people until they pay up?
« Last Edit: May 04, 2009, 08:56:51 PM by DefiantSix »
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Offline Lord Undies

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Re: I'm a Federal Criminal
« Reply #2 on: May 04, 2009, 08:59:17 PM »
Give him his money back and tell him you were mistaken and that you actually owe him - an ass whoopin'.
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Offline RobJohnson

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Re: I'm a Federal Criminal
« Reply #3 on: May 05, 2009, 02:15:11 AM »
I thought you were just collecting for ACORN.  :uhsure:
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Offline DumbAss Tanker

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Re: I'm a Federal Criminal
« Reply #4 on: May 05, 2009, 08:32:59 AM »
You made him pay you for cleaning the barracks latrine?  Dude, that is totally ****ed up.  Now your hands are dirty and his personnel file still doesn't have anything in it from the incident to reflect that he is a shitbag that needs to go.
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Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

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Re: I'm a Federal Criminal
« Reply #5 on: May 05, 2009, 08:45:26 AM »
Quote from: DumbAss Tanker on May 05, 2009, 08:32:59 AM
You made him pay you for cleaning the barracks latrine?  Dude, that is totally ****ed up.  Now your hands are dirty and his personnel file still doesn't have anything in it from the incident to reflect that he is a shitbag that needs to go.
I hear ya sarge but there was no way they could pull him back from where he was to clean his own mess so it was either take care of it myself or the unit would not have been able to clear the barracks and I didn't want to compound the blue falconry.*

Ironically, the class he was in has been re-dubbed Blue Falcon Tracker.

Still, those E-5s ruined his day. I had the joy of being the proverbial insult to his injury.

At least I'm a medic. I've long ago lost my squeamishness. Hell, medics drink apple juice out of specimen cups just because it gives people the dry heaves.  :evillaugh:





* for you civilian types - blue falcon derives from the initials BF which the non-vulgar way of saying "buddy ****er"; a person who sorely mistreats those people who are supposed to be his nearest and dearest comrades.
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