village idiot primitive's ex-wife dumps him

[franksolich]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=301x606

Oh my.

villager  (1000+ posts)      Sun Apr-05-09 12:25 AM
Original message
 
So now the Ex told me she's getting back together with the car salesman she admits is abusive

Verbally abusive, for what the distinction's worth.

And an alcoholic.

She had a breakdown last fall, and went to the hospital for a couple weeks. I stayed in "our" old house -- now hers -- to live with our boys, get them off to school, etc. Right around election time, actually...

Our marriage -- the anger always trumping any tenderness -- ended when she had an affair with a car salesman. She's broken up with him, and gotten back together, half a dozen times since then.

After her hospitalization, she seemed serious about dealing with her depression, and other issues that went untended -- or were cast as being entirely "my fault" -- during our marriage.

I told her, after that, that for the first time since our marriage ended, it seemed like some sort of "friendship" (or at least, some non permanent war footing) might be possible.

I mean hey, if humanity can do it with the Cylons, right?

So, things have okay-ish with her, relative to how they usually are between us.

Then today she lets me know she's been seeing the Car Salesman again.

I was able to talk to her about it, rather than screaming -- told her she was sounding a lot like Rhianna, with all her equivocating, and that frankly, she deserved better -- someone who could treat her with kindness.

I also told I realized I was powerless over her choices, but I thought this was a particularly poor one, even from a parenting standpoint. I also was finally able to tell her I always resented that I bent over backwards to please her, and wound up sleeping on couches, and this guy abuses her and abuses her and she can't wait to rush back.

She said she understood. I said she couldn't, but then she said, well, at least she was able to listen.

In any case, I'm really realizing there's nothing I can do about whatever shitty choices her depression and low self-esteem cause her to make.

And I have been stuck -- emotionally, geographically -- trying to protect my boys against them.

It's time to move on. Not from my sons, of course. They're the loves of my life.

But from any notion, or at least expectation, that my wife will "wake up," or suddenly "be better..."

I mean, that's out of my hands. As are her destructive decisions.

Nor do her decisions require me to be enraged at her all the time.

All I can do is tend to my own healing, in order to be here for, well, myself, and thus, my sons.

Well, one hopes it works out.

elleng  (1000+ posts)       Sun Apr-05-09 11:20 PM
Response to Original message
 
1. Good luck to you, Villager, in healing and being there for your sons.

I'm working on the same, but daughters are not exactly here for me.

villager  (1000+ posts)      Mon Apr-06-09 11:41 AM
Response to Reply #1
 
2. I'm sorry to hear about your daughters, and healing wishes back at ya, elleng!

Latest twist in my story is that the Ex had planned to go out of town with the Salesman for a couple days, taking his son and my youngest.

And she canceled at the last minute, because he showed up drunk....

That, at least, is some progress...!

Yeah, it is.

[USA4ME]

So your wife chose to hang out (off and on) with an abusive, drunk car salesman rather than with you.  Probably had nothing to do with you sitting in front of a computer screen posting on a lib website for 16 hours a day.  The kids get the worst end of the deal either way.

.

[The Village Idiot]

what kind of crazy wussy libturd do you have to be to that your own wife would rather be with an abusive, alcoholic car salesman that YOUR butt? what does this say about YOU Village Idiot?? Think about it.

[happy1ga]

Well, can't believe I am defending a DUmmie, but my husband's ex-wife left him after 32 yrs of marriage, for a total POS she met online. I keep looking for her on DU, because she fits right into the profile there: everything in her life is a disaster, someone always is trying to screw her over, she has no self-esteem, in her early 60's, overweight, etc., etc. She left my husband who bought her expensive jewelry 3 times a yr., fur coats, nice house in pretty exculsive area, on a golf course, (she used to golf a lot), new cars, trips all over the world, etc. She didn't have to lift a finger. She decided she was bored because he had to travel about 15 days of the month. The guy she left him for,  is verbally abusive, I think more than that, myself, a drunk, been in jail for a bunch of DUIs, and he is nuts. Can't hold a job, and sponges off of her. She tried to break up with him once, and he called her at her job and said he had broke into her house and was in the bathtub slitting his wrists. Of course the cops got there in time, he really didn't intend to die, just bleed for attention. And yes, she keeps taking him back. At least in that case, there are no children. I know abuse, and it's effects on kids. The primative should take her to court and get custody if she is going to expose them to that crap. It actually sounds like he is the sane one. God help us all.

[The Village Idiot]

It actually sounds like he is the sane one. God help us all.

in a relative sense