Ok. I stopped reading at, "I came out of the closet as an athiest."
One, why were you hiding the fact your were, I am assuming, a Christian? Were you living in SF and knew you would be attacked by leftist ****s? Maybe you were living in a Muslim country and didn't wwant your head cut off....but they'll do the same for athiests too, you know.
You'd have to be hiding the fact you were having trouble with your faith, becuase them dammed X-ers would burn you at the stake! Hell, they'll make you maryy someone you don't love just to have a bunch of kids- it says to do so in the Bible!
So, you came out of the closet not believing anything.
Then I read a bit further. You've gone through two relationships because, in your words: I saw each as a rejection because, basically, they were saying I wasn't OK the way I was.
Holy shit, lady, YOU are the one telling us you're not ok! Maybe these two...people...were trying to help you find happiness?
my old friend would run for the hills if she knew about my atheism and severe depression You are depressed because you don't have anything to believe in.