subway cat has to get something off her chest

[Ree]

It(UGP) really goes off on some poor DUmmies just tryin to help....

undergroundpanther  Donating Member  (1000+ posts)  Journal  Click to send private message to this author  Click to view this author's profile  Click to add this author to your buddy list  Click to add this author to your Ignore list  Donate to DU!      Wed Nov-12-08 10:25 PM
Response to Reply #9
14. Umm it isn't what you said either.
   




<What you gave up and lost is unfortunate, but dwelling on it and fuming over it won't bring it back or make things better. >

I guess you missed the part in my OP about how I push emotions down to cope,and so they come back years later PSTD can do that to you.
It isn't about"dwelling and fuming" mr.cognitive behavioral therapist wannabe, it's about how my mind processes things,it does it differently because of PSTD .PSTD is a psychiatric injury.
And yes FUMING does help ME. Might not work for you but that's not my problem.

<The simple truth is that human relationships don't come with lifetime warranties. People change.>

Yeah,so? I know that.That obviousness is not relevant here at all because it's well,duh'oh.

<You provided your mate of ten years with a certain emotional security that he no longer needs from you.>

Than tell me why ,he called me up to help him with his "issues",and I told him several times I could no longer help him?
Why did he drag his ass to change his address for?
Why did he,upon getting arrested for being drunk, did he call MY mother,in virginia,at 3 am, instead of calling his own mom? He bugged me for a YEAR to 'help him' with his 'issues' of his after I made him go away.But I kept saying I could no longer help him.
What you don't get is *I* kicked him out of MY house.He was abusing prescription drugs,and being a real asshole, so I said enough is enough.I had to tell him NO,No more help from me for his issues and tell him to seek help elsewhere.
I was the one that no longer needed him.And I still don't,but because my brain processes differently.. things that happened two years ago emotionally surface later and are as bad as if it was occurring now.

<His being gay or bi and you being trans are irrelevant particulars.>

Well I don't think it was irrelevant.I bet you'd like to think that, but it was VERY relevant.

<It doesn't matter if he hates women or transmen or himself. It doesn't matter that he's a confused and narcissistic momma's boy. You two could as easily have been traditional hetero mainstream Ozzie & Harriet types and still have found yourself where you are today. No one's immune to a fickle heart.>

Fickle heart? WTF? I don't know whether you are being an asshole or suffering from a "fickle heart" of your own here.
ALL those things I listed are relevant.I dunno what planet you are on but it caused me PAIN.

<I hope you soon find your inner peace.>

I haven't known inner peace.I have no clue WTF **** inner peace is supposed to be,same thing with happiness,they are loaded like a hallmark card, but actually very empty, meaningless words. My life has been one shit pile after another, life is ****ing sick .The only peace I will get I think, is via death.It's how this ****ed up world is and just because I am here does not require me to like it,or to tolerate bad people in my way..He was a BAD person to ME.

[Ree]

madmadmad  Donating Member  (127 posts) Click to send private message to this author  Click to view this author's profile  Click to add this author to your buddy list  Click to add this author to your Ignore list  Donate to DU!      Wed Nov-12-08 10:21 PM
Response to Original message
13. i feel for your pain
   
he used you, and used you badly. i cannot and will not make excuses for him- he hurt you, and your anger and hurt are completely understandable.

but this is part of a bigger problem- society vilifies the gays. there is nothing lower in many people's opinions. witness the recent stripping away of a previously given right. can you think of another group who was granted a right, only to have it voted away? so understandably many, many gay people don't wish to be gay- they HATE themselves for it, and will do anything to not be what they really are- ANYTHING, including callously using other people in their quest to deny the reality of their true selves.

so if society would embrace gays, and treat us as valued, equal members of our country, then people like your ex wouldn't have to work to deny who they are, and destroy other people's lives as a consequence. your ex probably still would have been an asshole, but at least it would have been to another dude, not you.

i wish you peace.
   Printer Friendly | Permalink | Reply | Top

undergroundpanther Donating Member (1000+ posts)  Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Donate to DU!    Wed Nov-12-08 11:07 PM
Response to Reply #13
16. sigh...
   


<he used you, and used you badly. i cannot and will not make excuses for him- he hurt you, and your anger and hurt are completely understandable.>
Thank you.

<but this is part of a bigger problem- society vilifies the gays.>

I have been vilified myself.I am a trans-man.OK know about the vilification thing. I know it well,I got it for being transgender (very,very butch),being a "freak",having PSTD,being openly pagan(christian assholes chased me with knives)and I have been vilified even on DU and in this group for being furry.I have been vilified by the GBLT community because I bring up certain things they are not ready to deal with.Some in the gay community reject us trans people,the gays have their own bigotries they deny too.
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9F0CE6DC...
pardon me if I am not just brimming with pity for him right now.

Look, I know society at large is chock full of scared,stupid bigoted people.Hets can be vile.So can gays. I also know any gay person taking someones heart and stomps it,lies,than refuses to acknowledge the PAIN they caused by the lying,the betrayal,the coldness,abuse whatever else, then, on top of all that,expecting the hurt person to feel like all that shit they suffered was justified because they are gay,well that lump it mentality that some gays have regarding this stuff could be creating a feedback loop in some people's minds concerning some of that vilifying that'society' does to gays and trans-people.

I dunno how many broken hearts because someone admits they are gay or whatever are out there at any given time but if they are told by the gay community to get over it and their pain is minimized because 'gays get vilified by society ,don't you think that way of discounting them just makes it worse for all involved? People who come OUT of DENIAL need to also come out of denial concerning the damage their dishonesty does to people that cared as well.

He has access to gay friendly places to go without vilification.There is a strong gay community in the city.
I am cut off from that community by transportation issues.His family is very accepting, his sister is a lesbian. His mom was more accepting than MY mom was of my coming out,and out,and out...
I think he has no EXCUSES for what he did.And just because he's gay and gays get shit from society, so do trans-genders, and none of what society does, justifies what he did to me.He came out before he even knew me. When he began to date me he said how unhappy he was in the gay community they rejected him,his body wasn't perfect,he felt like the gays were superficial and backbiting.

But trying to tell himself lies wouldn't matter if it was just HIM involved in it. No I was involved too.I got hurt and I am pissed. And I am every bit a guy,as any other guy is,sans the dick ,because phalloplasty surgery is insane expensive, the dick does not function like a dick really, it looks a little strange,and it is a very risky operation.So I know it isn't in my future any time soon. Think of how that shit he pulled felt to me? It hurt me double time BECAUSE I am transgender.It's like my masculinity was being belittled,negated,made insignificant because I lacked the ability to afford the surgery,and the surgical results are lame,without the plumbing I am not a "real" guy. Do you have a clue how much that hurt me? Do you know how much frustration and pain that stupid physical wall of not having a penis but still being a guy in every other respect has caused me? If I was to list them I would be here all night.

[franksolich]

.....it's about how my mind processes things,it does it differently.....

Ain't that the truth.

[franksolich]

Oh my.

And I am every bit a guy,as any other guy is,sans the dick ,because phalloplasty surgery is insane expensive, the dick does not function like a dick really, it looks a little strange,and it is a very risky operation.So I know it isn't in my future any time soon.

Apparently I was right, circa two years ago.

Since the subway cat is on public assistance, she probably had to go through some sort of exhaustive psychiatric review to determine whether or not a sex-change operation would be of value to her and the taxpayers.

And she flunked.

[BEG]

Seriously, how can one person have so many problems.  Any one of her "issues" is enough for one person.  How does someone get that screwed up?  What could have happened to him/her in his/her life to screw them up that much?  There are so many other people who have gone through much worse but came out of it relatively unscathed.  What makes two people go through something very similar but end up with totally different results?  One turns into a perpetual victim while the other comes out a stronger better person.

[Ree]

Seriously, how can one person have so many problems.  Any one of her "issues" is enough for one person.  How does someone get that screwed up?  What could have happened to him/her in his/her life to screw them up that much?  There are so many other people who have gone through much worse but came out of it relatively unscathed.  What makes two people go through something very similar but end up with totally different results?  One turns into a perpetual victim while the other comes out a stronger better person.

Coz she dosen't really want "help" she wants peeps to allow her to wallow in her "victimhood"...And the vast majority of all her "problems" are self inflicted....I understand mental problems, but one has to want to "get better"

[InfamousAndy]

For someone that is so concerned about tolerance, she is sure hung up on gender stereotypes.  Doesn't she see how backwards it is to claim that men are somehow defined by apearance?  The only thing that defines me as a man IS my plumbing, and my DNA.  If I so chose, I could dress in pink, be house-husband who cooks and cleans, or has a traditionally 'female' occupation.  There is no shame in that.  Yet UG wants to put al men in some kind of stereotype-driven box.  How horribly intolerant.

[Miss Mia]

Coz she dosen't really want "help" she wants peeps to allow her to wallow in her "victimhood"...And the vast majority of all her "problems" are self inflicted....I understand mental problems, but one has to want to "get better"

Exactly.  He/she/it/cat wants to be the perpetual victim.  Doesn't he/she/it/cat live in a house her mother gave him/her/it/cat?

[franksolich]

Doesn't he/she/it/cat live in a house her mother gave him/her/it/cat?

Yeah, she lives in a house her ancient mother gave her.

In an exclusive gated neighborhood in an affluent suburb of Baltimore.

By the way, the subway cat has a sister, married, but all indications are that the sister is utterly normal, although somewhat overweight.

[FlaGator]

I read that title and assumed it meant something other than her breasts.

[Duchess]

Ain't that the truth.

This person, or whatever they are, is really just too miserable to live. Or maybe not. It seems to thrive on misery. It seems to validate its existence by all its melodrama. I think it wouldn't be happy if everything it ever wished for came to pass, it doesn't know who or what it is, just for starters. It can't stand the light, it seeks the cold darkness.

[franksolich]

This person, or whatever they are, is really just too miserable to live. Or maybe not. It seems to thrive on misery. It seems to validate its existence by all its melodrama. I think it wouldn't be happy if everything it ever wished for came to pass, it doesn't know who or what it is, just for starters. It can't stand the light, it seeks the cold darkness.

You got that right, madam.

I think it's cruel of my fellow alum Skins to not mausoleum the subway cat; it's obvious she's nuts, and so shouldn't be allowed to post anywhere.

[MarshallLaw]

I read that title and assumed it meant something other than her breasts.

Glad I wasn't the only one.

[franksolich]

Glad I wasn't the only one.

You know, I wasn't even aware of a possible double entendre, when I typed the title; I had just borrowed the phrase from the subway cat without thinking about it.

[jtyangel]

Seriously, how can one person have so many problems.  Any one of her "issues" is enough for one person.  How does someone get that screwed up?  What could have happened to him/her in his/her life to screw them up that much?  There are so many other people who have gone through much worse but came out of it relatively unscathed.  What makes two people go through something very similar but end up with totally different results?  One turns into a perpetual victim while the other comes out a stronger better person.

I thnk part of that relies a lot on enabling, BEG. It sounds like her mother in particular has supported her in one way or the other. When you get your ass booted out on the pavement, as cold as that may be, you realize very quickly you have to do something--it's sink or swim. I don't think UGP has ever been in that position and that's putting her mental illness aside. I'm certain she's mentally ill, but I also think it's probably exacerbated by her being a big spoiled brat.

Some people at least do without the mental illness or the spoiling. Many times, both. Those people will probably go on to fight to make a good life for themselves and don't become perpetual victims.

It's never occured to UGP that she could walk away from all that, despite the mutilating she's done to herself and her investment in being a victim and actually CREATE or at least find opportunity to find the happiness that is so elusive to her. She doesn't want to find it though--when you don't want to find it, you constantly sabotage yourself into a self-fulfilling prophesy of misery. Sadly, her misery is who she is. What a lonely existence that is.

[AllosaursRus]

Coz she dosen't really want "help" she wants peeps to allow her to wallow in her "victimhood"...And the vast majority of all her "problems" are self inflicted....I understand mental problems, but one has to want to "get better"

Typical STINKIN' LIBERAL!!!

[DumbAss Tanker]

..... I can't remember if *that* part of the surgery actually went ahead or not .....

I'm glad to see that someone else has as warped a point of view as I do.  Figures it'd be the Aussie.

 

[BlueStateSaint]

I'm glad to see that someone else has as warped a point of view as I do.  Figures it'd be the Aussie.

 

Add me to that list, DAT.

[Duke Nukum]

I haven't known inner peace.I have no clue WTF **** inner peace is supposed to be,same thing with happiness,they are loaded like a hallmark card, but actually very empty, meaningless words. My life has been one shit pile after another, life is ****ing sick .The only peace I will get I think, is via death.It's how this ****ed up world is and just because I am here does not require me to like it,or to tolerate bad people in my way..He was a BAD person to ME.

The poor little kitty needs to get connected to the Internets and find the Wikipedia, it has more answers than Barak the Messiah:

Inner peace (or peace of mind) refers to a state of being mentally and spiritually at peace, with enough knowledge and understanding to keep oneself strong in the face of discord or stress. Being "at peace" is considered by many to be healthy (homeostasis) and the opposite of being stressed or anxious. Peace of mind is generally associated with bliss and happiness.

Peace of mind, serenity, and calmness are descriptions of a disposition free from the effects of stress. In some cultures, inner peace is considered a state of consciousness or enlightenment that may be cultivated by various forms of training, such as prayer, meditation, T'ai Chi Ch'uan or yoga, for example. Many spiritual practices refer to this peace as an experience of knowing oneself. Finding inner peace is often associated with traditions such as Buddhism and Hinduism.

Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, emphasizes the importance of inner peace in the world:

    "The question of real, lasting world peace concerns human beings, so basic human feelings are also at its roots. Through inner peace, genuine world peace can be achieved. In this the importance of individual responsibility is quite clear; an atmosphere of peace must first be created within ourselves, then gradually expanded to include our families, our communities, and ultimately the whole planet." [1]

So, my poor little DUmmie Kitty, the Dalai Lama says no world peace until you discover inner peace.  The number one thing about inner peace is it is a choice.  Choose to have inner peace and the world will be less ****ed up because the world you are experiencing is a projection of your inner state of being.

This is KEY, DUmmies, if you want world peace you first have to have inner peace and protesting and throwing trash cans through McDonald's or Starbucks windows is the opposite of peace.  And all your machinations and messiahs and vote fraud will do nothing to improve the world if you choose not to improve your own self.  And it is a choice.  If you don't have inner peace it means you chose not to have it.  It isn't your ex-"boy"friend's fault.  It isn't your parent's fault, it isn't his parent's fault because it is your choice and nobody can choose it for you.

True, drama can be fun for a while but eventually we all like to grow up and be in charge of our own inner states.

[DixieBelle]

My head hurts

[Chris]

My head hurts

You're not supposed to actually read it. 

[DixieBelle]

You're not supposed to actually read it. 

Oooooooooooh!!

Yeah, Give me a beer!