Any difference would be unbelievably negligible. The component that wears out is the recoil spring(s) and they go out or loosen anywhere between 5,000 rounds (shooting +P and overpressure rounds), 10,000 rounds (carry gun) and 20,000 rounds (competition gun).
One resource I read claims that a cold hammer-forged barrel will last anywhere from 3,000 - 5,000 rounds before losing its "match grade" tightness.
The upshot is, unless you are shooting thousands of rounds per month with the same gun and you're a competition shooter, this probably isn't an issue. Use whatever bullet weight works for your application.
I tend to use 115 grain in 9mm for normal range ammo, but I always run some HP 124 grain through my EDC while at the range. I do have some 147 grain, but I don't tend to shoot that very often. I'll be dead long before my pistol barrels wear out.