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Wed Dec 27, 2017, 05:29 PMBelgianMadCow (5,361 posts)I think I should share my story (in the spirit of the season of love)Hello DU, I'm a longtime member but kind of retired from actively posting here. I've experienced some life events in which I came to reflect on DU and what it did and does for me. Here goes. A couple of years ago, while I was mostly at home and on disability because of bipolar disorder type II, I was very sad. Here I was, after trying to work as an engineer, failing repeatedly because of inadequate stress response (fleeing behavior), having found out that I could not even stay working with a firm I had first been a super-volunteer for. It aimed to be a cooperative bank, so you see my Occupy spirit wasn't far. I understood that I had to tackle my behavior (again) because I wouldn't accomplish anything requiring prolonged effort otherwise. So I saw a psychologist specialized in behavioral therapy and we worked to define the problem and counter it. This involves me understanding the basic mechanism: fear -> avoidance -> negative self-image, and also stepping out of my comfort zone. That comfort zone for someone who is almost always depressed is a place of isolation. I've never felt quite so alone as during the Bush* years and the invasion of Iraq. I would have gone literally crazy if it wasn't for DU, back then. The fact that IN Bush*'s America, DU existed, made me hopeful. In this process of changing behavior, I also start to listen to music again. And something weird happens. Something deep in me stirs when particular songs trigger me. Songs about freedom, about or by strong women, and about nomads. One day for no reason I can remember, I shop for high heels in a 9 1/2 size. And something peculiar happens again: I'm not too ashamed or fearful to tell my wife. On a side note: It's only because my wife and I had some great marriage counseling that we finally learned to speak from "inner child" to "inner child", or from vulnerable soul to vulnerable soul. Anyway, our sex life changes for the good in a big way. I do not know nor care what exactly I'm to be called. I feel like a man and/or a woman at the same time. I've put "fluid" on my Twitter profile. I think without reading DU and the progress of non-binary and transgender people like Danica Roem, I would not have dared to come forward and speak up. In this process, I've started to sing. Now I want to be on a stage and want to play with stage personas. I go and tell my parents. They react negatively, my mom very strongly so. I wither the storm, helped by a call from my wife. And now, finally, 3 years after the first major conflict with my father, the bond with my mother is normalized / cut to an appropriate degree. These conflicts have to happen for the identity to be fully formed. So, hello again DU. I'm 44 and just out of puberty. And I could not have done it without you, I think. Thank you, and may the spirits be with you.
Good Lord.
Reminded me of that scene in the movie Airplane when Striker was a patient in the military hospital and the guy in the bed next to him was suffering from severe shell shock and thought he was Ethel Merman.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04czMdv2ZCc
In some communities, the line between sane and insane is, shall we say, fine.
BelgianMadCow (5,371 posts)18. about relationshipI would never ever have gotten here without her. She has, for a large part almost literally, carried me for 27 years. My initial traumatic experience was just before we met. It's really such an improbable love tale that I feel like I can't leave it untold.You see, in the process she started to work extra hard and even started a small side business so that we could keep living the way we did, even if I was on disability, which divided my share of the income by three. She carried me well past her own borders - making herself feeling very bad about missing time with our 2 children. I on the other hand compensated for my perceived inadequacy by taking all care for the kids and practicalities around the house out of her hands. That left us both very estranged and unhappy, but...we did it out of love. It looks like now we're moving to a new stable equilibrium - no longer that of two people high up on a tightrope, each leaning far out to one side.She is my Ankh and I am her fire now. We'll finally dance like we were supposed. In the most emotional moment, where I kind of said "I need to break free", including of her, she said she welcomed the new me anyway. How strong is she? A Mother Elephant.Side note: this has also left me with a very strong feeling towards the fate of so many women: your head full with a daily todo list, and getting little respect or reward for household work. Women then also have to work like men, be super-moms, übersexy all the time and have quality me-time too. There's not enough hours. I now tell my wife some hair on her legs really is of no concern to me at all. And we both tell ourselves being "good enough" parents is, well, good enough
Your wife HAS to be banging some other dude on the side.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4Mc-NYPHaQ
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100210030044OMG. That is some serious level crazy going on right there! No responses yet, but unless it gets deleted, that thread is sure to be a hoot!KC
