You know, sometimes dreams come true.
And as many dreams as I've had about the Obamaite primitives, the odds are pretty good at least one of them's bound to come true.
Anyway.
I dreamed I was riding a horse through the fjords of Norway, minding my own business and at peace with the world, when suddenly a body crashing out of a tree tumbled atop me, knocking me off my horse onto the ground. The two of us tussled for a while, the other one trying desperately to choke me.
I finally broke his hold, knocking him down, and both of us sat there, panting for breath.
It was my fellow alum Skins.
He recognized me the same instant I recognized him.
"I'm dreadfully sorry," my fellow alum said; "I've been looking for bison in Norway, and I thought you were one."
Well, jumping atop a bison and trying to choke it to death isn't the right way to capture a bison, but I let it go.
Instead, I responded, "You know, just because nobody's seen bison in Norway doesn't mean there's no bison in Norway. Maybe there are bison in Norway, but everybody's looking at the reindeer instead. I think I'll tag along with you."
Brushing the snow off myself, I put back on my sun-helmet and mounted my horse. Skins did the same, putting back on his Davy Crockett coonskin hat with the tail on it.
The two of us rode through Norway all day long, and while we saw Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blixen and Vixen and Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Rudolph, we couldn't find any bison.
We discussed what else we could do, to make life interesting.
My fellow alum suggested there was trouble with the Obamaite primitives down in the Carpathanian Mountains, and so we rode there, to see what was going on.
By nightfall, we had reached an inn in the darkest core of central Europe, tucked away in the dark forests and dark mountains under the dark skies of Ruthenia. The inn was packed, but we made our way through the hordes of Obamaites, where a serving-girl took our order for two tankards of ale.
Skins pinched her on the bottom, but before she could turn around, I quickly switched places with my fellow alum, so the lass would think I, and not my fellow alum, was the rude boor.
The old school tie.
The place was packed to the rafters with Obamaite primitives, yelling, brawling, cursing, swilling. One Obamaite primitive tried swiping my wallet, and I slammed my tankard of ale on top of him. Then noticing it was the loutish Brit primitive, I did it again, so as to flatten the top of his skull and improve his looks.
"What are they so angry about?" I asked Skins.
"They're collecting torches and pitchforks, and are getting ready to go out on a chase," my fellow alum replied.
"Oh, so they're going after Old Man John," I guessed; "they really Hate him."
No, no, Skins said. "They're going after the guy with the big floppy ears, who's going after Old Man John."
Oh, I said.
After the Obamaite primitives had collected what seemed an ample supply of torches and pitchforks, and stolen horses, my fellow alum and I followed them out of the inn.
But rather than following the Obamaite primitives on the chase, Skins and I instead rode to the top of the highest mountain, to watch the scene below.
We watched as Old Man John, driving a heavy wagon pulled by a single horse, was outrunning the guy with the big floppy ears, driving a light carriage pulled by two horses. And behind him were the Obamaite primitives aboard race-horses, clip-clip-clip-cloppeting along the trail.
It was most peculiar; Old Man John was putting considerable distance away from the guy with the big floppy ears, and the guy with the big floppy ears was putting considerable distance away from the Obamaite primitives on their fast steeds.
"You know, this is just like in those old movies," I mentioned to my fellow alum.