17 yo wants a graduation party...what's the norm?

[dutch508]

Now, I know some of you are going to slam poor OAD for going to the DUmp to figure out if having a graduation party for her/his/it's 17 yo daughter in the back yard with booze present but not adults is a good idea or not. Eh, says I... what could possibly go wrong?

onlyadream (1,279 posts) http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018627863

17 yo wants a graduation party...what's the norm?
She wants to invite 25 friends, for a backyard party.
The kids, some of who are 21, will bring their own drinks. She says they'll all have DDs, and we, her parents, are to stay inside (no wandering around to monitor the situation).
Is this what people do?

To be fair- I don't have daughters. I only have sons. If they would have come to me with this suggestion... well- they know better than to come to me with this suggestion.

The Velveteen Ocelot (37,331 posts)
5. No alcohol if there are underage guests!

Parents can get in a whole bunch of legal trouble if they host a party where underage kids drink, drive and have an accident, or if other things happen. Even if there are designated drivers there are any number of ways this can go wrong. Gotta put your foot down on this one for the sake of everybody involved.

Yup.

Chan790 (16,556 posts)
6. I'm about as liberal parentally as they come.

(N.B. I'm not a parent. I got my parenting out of the way raising my brothers.)

and I wouldn't acquiesce to that request. If she wants you to stay out of the party, it's a dry party. If she doesn't want a dry party, then you're going to require ID-check (under-21, X the hands or bevvie-control bracelets. Enforce Under-21, No Drinking.) and DDs and monitor the party. Because otherwise...something goes wrong and you're legally ****ed.

You can get the bracelets for around $15/box for 500. Your local liquor store won't sell them but their distributor will if they also sell to bars, so ask for a referral. Or...do what most music clubs do that allow underaged minors to attend shows...check IDs and mark the hands of the under-21's with a magic marker in a large X across the back of the hands.

Common sense.

onlyadream (1,279 posts)
10. Thanks all.

Too much at risk, even if they are responsible. The answer is no.

I think that OAD did ok by asking the other monkiez and am suprised they all responded with calm and common sense. I never say this, but well done, DU.

orleans (22,595 posts)
14. good luck.

we did a prom party. backyard, bring your own tent.
i don't remember if there was drinking or not.
maybe a little but not much.
i probably didn't want anyone puking in the yard.
i remember they roasted marshmallows, made smores, probably smoked a little pot.
anyway, who needs booze when you can have sex, right?

there were so many graduation parties going on--we had an open house one for friends, neighbors, a couple moms were there. and everyone (including the graduates who came & my kid) had such a good/fun/crazy time that no one left to hit one of the other parties.

 

hunter (19,455 posts)
32. Sounds like one of the strangest kid-with-bitter-divorced-mom b-day parties I was ever invited to.

And about the same age too.

I think a few of my age peers lost their virginity that day.

Pool, nudity, pot and alcohol, what could go wrong?

 

JoeyT (6,287 posts)
16. Liquor and pot is the norm,

or at least that's what we had.  We also didn't have it at a house, so the question of what was and wasn't allowed didn't come up.

I'm pretty much agreeing with the people saying you should either make sure it's a dry party, or make sure people under 21 aren't drinking (Which means monitoring the situation.). Even if, on the off chance, you don't object to young adults drinking it's a liability issue. If a 17 or 18 year old gets plastered and wrecks on the way home from your house, it'll be y'all they'll blame. Either criminally or with civil suits.

 

Lady Freedom Returns (7,609 posts) 17. First tell her..

Last edited Sun Jun 15, 2014, 10:31 PM - Edit history (1)

No Alcohol. And you WILL be monitoring. It is your house, means you are legally responsible if something goes wrong. And she need to remember she is still under 18.

 

[landofconfusion80]

17 yr old daughter has alcohol party. Fast forward ten years: 27 yr old daughter is on a crappy forum complaining about cheating on her bf and being fake raped.

[JohnnyReb]

17 yr old daughter has alcohol party. Fast forward ten years: 27 yr old daughter is on a crappy forum complaining about cheating on her bf and being fake raped.

Yeah, while at the graduation party she was raped twice before she could say NO.....and now all her problems in life is blamed on that night.

[YupItsMe]

Here's a crazy parenting idea.  Don't let a 17 yr old set the rules in your house.

[GOBUCKS]

If she doesn't want a dry party, then you're going to require ID-check (under-21, X the hands or bevvie-control bracelets. Enforce Under-21, No Drinking.) and DDs and monitor the party.

That idea is so stupid a DUmp parent would probably buy it.

They don't seem to understand that drunkenness is the whole reason for the party.

The boys are hoping everyone gets drunk enough to get the girls naked, and the girls are hoping everyone gets drunk enough to have an excuse.

Some DUmp parents are so cooked by their drug use they don''t remember being teenagers.

[BEG]

Does an adult really need advice on this issue?

[Chris_]

Does an adult really need advice on this issue?

They're not called DUmmies without reason.

[thundley4]

I can remember going to an overnight bonfire party one summer night. Beer was allowed but no drugs. Kids have to have their parents permission to be there, and the parents took everyone's keys as they arrived.

Parents were called to verify the kids had their permission, and knew there would be beer.

Both parents randomly visited the back yard during the night.

[DLR Pyro]

17 yo wants a graduation party...what's the norm?

Well for DUmmy parents, I'd say the norm would be to make sure there is enough pot, booze and condoms to go around for all.  Oh, and a non judgmental attitude would be appreciated as well.

For the rest of us who have done a good job raising our kids. this should be a no brainer.

[ChuckJ]

There was this guy that I went to school with. I’ll call him Bob. He was a good guy. He was popular. Had a great sense of humor. He was also an intelligent guy. I had known him since grade school, but around 6th grade we got to be real good friends and hung out a lot. We were pretty close for the next several years, but by the last three years of high school we sort of drifted apart. We didn’t have any classes together. We both sort of just gravitated to a different set of friends. During our senior year I don’t think we even spoke until the very last day of school.

Graduation was going to be that night so we had practice and a good talking to by the principle. Afterward they sent us all to the lunchroom for lunch. It just so happened that he and I walked into the lunchroom at the same time. We talked as we got our plates then got a table together.  We laughed about our adventures in middle school and junior high and then he told me what his plans were for the future. He was going to join the Air Force with hopes of doing something related to military intelligence.

That night we had the graduation ceremony. We had a pretty large graduating class so I didn’t bump into Bob. After the ceremony, I got together with a couple of other friends. One of them had a pool so we went there. Swam. Joked around. Drank Dr Pepper. I think I finally got home around 12:00 or 1:00.

Sometime about midday I got a call from someone asking if I’d heard about Bob. He had went to a pool party. There was a lot of drinking going on, but it wasn’t Dr Pepper. Apparently Bob had gotten drunk and jumped headfirst into pool. It broke his neck resulting in permanent paralysis from the neck down.

Teenagers and a lot of things don't mix well together. One of them is alcohol.

[Ptarmigan]

If you have to go to DU for advices, you must be a DUmmy. 

[GOP Congress]

Back in the 70's we had a graduation party, no parents, full access to house, pool, etc. Beer was flowing, a few couples making out on the side, a few crazies, probably a few joints of pre-THC mj (you know the type you needed an LP to separate seeds, stems, and leaves). But hey, it was the 70's; we WERE a bit more responsible overall. No cops needed, nobody got into accidents, that was pretty much the norm everywhere, at least in suburbia.

Nowadays, with kids going nuts, porno scenes in every room, drinks flowing like water fountains, THC, crack, and other drugs, all girls half..or more...naked, fights with neighbors...this ain't the 70's anymore. Not gonna happen on my watch if I had a kid. Double standard? Perhaps... but the difference is the culture.

[BattleHymn]

Lady Freedom Returns (7,609 posts) 17. First tell her..

Last edited Sun Jun 15, 2014, 10:31 PM - Edit history (1)

No Alcohol. And you WILL be monitoring. It is your house, means you are legally responsible if something goes wrong. And she need to remember she is still under 18.

I thought this comment in particular was hilarious, considering the person it's coming from is a ward of the state of Arizona.

[Chris_]

I thought this comment in particular was hilarious, considering the person it's coming from is a ward of the state of Arizona.

I wonder how Jan Brewer would feel knowing people like this are living under her roof.

[BadCat]

Does an adult really need advice on this issue?

I say we find out everything about this DUmmie and the 'party'.
When it starts, about 20 of us call the police and report alcohol and drug use.