You're not being paid less because you're a woman. We are a true equal opportunity employer- strictly merit based. You're still on probation. After 6 months we'll review your performance.
The performance standard for moling is based on quality, not quantity. Don't worry about maintaining a large stable of moles; one to three is perfectly acceptable.
All new hires are immediately eligible for the 50% discount at the employee cafeteria (known to the rest of the world as "Ruth's Chris Steak House"), 15% off all purchases at the company store (known to the rest of the world as "Amazon.com"), and a complimentary copy of the Mark Levin book of your choice.
After 6 months, you will be eligible for free NRA membership, reimbursement for one new laptop or smart phone per year, and use of the blimp on weekends. And our Christmas bonuses are to die for... have you ever asked yourself why so many DUmmies vanish in December?
See the Employee Handbook or contact HR if you have any questions.
How am I supposed to make scads of money if I don't maintain scads of moles? I need quantity to hoard my mountain of cash! I gotta stay flush baby. R8s don't come cheap you know.
You're right about the bennies. Fogo de Chao is the company cafeteria in this neck of the woods. You know… the place where the bazillion waiters walk around with hunks of meat on skewers offering you different choices of juicy, tender morsels? They have Sparkle napkins wadded around the bottom to catch all that lovely juice running down and dripping on the StainMaster Carpet. They must get their meat from the slaughterhouse behind them. If you listen carefully, you can sometimes hear the soft lowing of the calves and squealing of the piglets. It's that fresh! Mmmm good.
I can't wait for December! I'm going to join the bros on their yacht in the French Riviera. Ron White and his wife, Margo Rey are going to be there to provide entertainment. It should be a blast! Good to know that I don't have to maintain all those moles during the month. I was worried about the Internet connection. I was told it has Satellite, but didn't know if it would handle all of us vying for bandwidth to keep those moles going. Whew!
