So I went to Walmart today to pick up a couple of things. I decided to go to Walmart because I thought it would be a DUmmie-free zone since they claim to never shop there. I quickly found my two items and went to the front to find a register. Since I only had TWO items I chose one of the “20 items or less - Speedy Checkout†lines.
There was a gentleman ahead of me in line with about 4 items. In front of him was a woman. I couldn’t see her shopping cart, but she was loading a lot of things on the checkout counter. After several of her items had been scanned I decided to kill time by counting as her remaining items were scanned. My count was 21 which did not include all of the items that were scanned before I began my count. Since she was going through a “20 items or less†line with way more than 20 items I knew she just had to be a DUmmie.
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After she had paid the cashier I said, “I’m not going to ask your DU name, but I know you’re a DUmmie!†She turned, wide-eyed, and asked how I knew. I told her that she was either too stupid to read the sign, too stupid to count her items, or was just so rude that she didn’t care about inconveniencing others. Then I began hitting her with fact after fact showing how her and her ilk were the cause of all of the country’s problems.
Customers had began gathering around to see what all the commotion was about. The DUmmie woman, knowing she could not counter all of the facts had thrown at her, broke down in tears. She thanked me for caring enough to show her the error of her ways and promised to never vote democrat again. She then asked the cashier if she could refund her money so she could go through a register properly.
All of the bystanders began applauding and patting me on the back. A cop even jumped out from behind a display of Bush’s Baked Beans near the check-out line to thank me.
Naturally, nothing below the line happened, but as I've said before, if there’s one thing that I’ve learned from DU it is to never let the truth get in the way of a story.
