primitive poisoning ancient mother

[franksolich]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1183480

Oh my.

aquart (66,956 posts)    Sun Jan 20, 2013, 08:37 AM

My 91 year old mother told my sister I've been poisoning her to get her money.

She threw me out of her house this week because I took her car keys out of her hand and wouldn't give them back.
 
And there is no money. She pays my rent out of her social security. Her home is on a reverse mortgage. She just sold it with the understanding that she's going to San Diego to live with my sister. When the reverse mortgage is paid, plus taxes and fees, there isn't going to be much.
 
She's been phoning us to tell us how much she hates us.

We have a whole network of people who are happy to check in on her and help her, take her to appointments, anything but anyone who knows us is now tainted and not allowed near her.
 
On her PCP's advice, we called 911 the day I took the keys but the the EMS said she passed their competence questions and was in no immediate physical danger that would warrant taking her against her will. But they also didn't favor giving back the keys. Next morning the police called me from her house because she'd called them to report her stolen keys. I assume they declined to arrest me.
 
In the past two weeks, among other things, she has forgotten how to turn off the car lights forcing a battery recharge.
 
Forgotten how to lower the sound on her TV remote.

Forgotten how to retrieve stored numbers on her phone.

Forgotten how to make a call. Although that has come back.

Forgotten how to turn off her car's alarm.

She has atrial fibrillation, lymphoma, recent surgery for melanoma of the eye, and bone cancer in her hip.
 
And dark, dark memories.

Mother and daughters we have been three-on-a-call close on the phone more than once a day when not actually together.
 
Nothing we've planned prepared us for this. We don't know what to do.

Turbineguy (16,167 posts)    Sun Jan 20, 2013, 08:52 AM

1. This sort of thing happened to a friend of mine.

The Mother called the Police to have him arrested. Luckily in Seattle the Police know all about this sort of stuff and questioned him and got some help for him to deal with his Mother.

KC (1,515 posts)    Sun Jan 20, 2013, 11:20 AM

2. That's a horrible situation to be in. It sounds a little like my mother in law (now deceased) when she lived with us. She went from being the sweetest person to what was similar to your mom. It turned out she not only had some dementia (not surprising for her age) but her cancer had spread and she had a brain tumor.

We had always said we would not put her in a nursing home but after she (accidentally) set our house on fire, we really had no choice.
 
I would talk to her Dr. and see what he/she suggests.

It's a sad situation to say the least.

aquart (66,956 posts)    Sun Jan 20, 2013, 03:50 PM

3. Her doctor told us to call 911 but it didn't work.

I think her worst fear is that her cancer would spread to her brain. My cousin went there today and she smiled and waved when she first saw him, then went into enraged screaming and threw a cup of tea on the floor and broke it. He felt his presence escalated the problem so he left.
 
She found a set of car keys and has been driving. Hopefully this means she will keep her doctor appointments.
 
What happened after you found the tumor?

KC (1,515 posts)    Mon Jan 21, 2013, 01:02 AM

7. We tried keeping her at our house. The Dr didn't want to do chemo at her age but they did do radiation to hopefully shrink it. I think that I knew it realistically it would probably help a little but not really buy her any more time. And it didn't. I don't remember exactly but I don't think she lasted much longer than a month.

Have they done any recent scans on your mom?

Oh wow it would terrify me to know that she is driving, not only for her safety but for others as well. My mom threw a fit when we tried to stop her from driving! But thank goodness when she had to go back to renew her license she didn't pass the eye exam so she knew that she couldn't drive any more . She's 87 now but this was just several yrs ago.

pacalo (19,787 posts)   Mon Jan 21, 2013, 12:52 AM

4. Having gone through something similar recently with my 81-year-old mother, I suspect that your mother's brain is beginning to fail, which is one of the signs that death could be near.
 
During the two weeks before my mother's death, she accused my brother of selling her house without her knowledge & putting her in a retirement home. She even thought we had fixed up her "room" to look identical to her own home, with pictures on the wall, same furniture, etc. In addition, she began talking to herself, or having conversations with people she imagined seeing.
 
Do you have in-home hospice care for your mother? If you don't you really need to look into getting it; you & your family need all the help you can get! It's not an easy experience for caretakers, particularly when the patient is confused & is difficult to deal with.

Well now, if a failing brain is sign death is near, how come the primitives still live?

aquart (66,956 posts)    Mon Jan 21, 2013, 02:14 AM

11. She's driven everyone away.

It's only been a few days but no one who has had any contact with me or my sister is acceptable.
 
Also, she's said that she feels much better now that I'm not poisoning her.

No one she even suspects is from me will be allowed to help.

But that's this week. Next week, who knows?

Question, going back to the original comment.

Why is this poor old woman paying the primitive's rent?

[Skul]

That poor woman is showing signs of senility, and the filthy DUmpmonkey whines because she pays his RENT???
He whines about other problems, too?
That poor woman probably supported his lazy ass for far more than twenty years, and he weeps because she now presents a hardship.
DUmpmonkey, handle it, help her be comfortable regardless.

[SSG Snuggle Bunny]

She's been phoning us to tell us how much she hates us.

She seems lucid to me.

[JohnnyReb]

I used to have to get up in the middle of the night, drive to mom and dad's house to calm daddy down and stop him from calling the police/sheriff on the people that were hired to take care of him and mom. It was even worse when my sisters kept them on weekends. I didn't have any problems much with them when it was my weekend to keep them.

It's a part of life DUmmie, deal with it.

[zeitgeist]

And there is yet another recurring theme we see a lot of in this quote:

aquart (66,956 posts)    Sun Jan 20, 2013, 08:37 AM

My 91 year old mother told my sister I've been poisoning her to get her money.

She threw me out of her house this week because I took her car keys out of her hand and wouldn't give them back.
 
And there is no money. She pays my rent out of her social security. Her home is on a reverse mortgage. She just sold it with the understanding that she's going to San Diego to live with my sister. When the reverse mortgage is paid, plus taxes and fees, there isn't going to be much.

Lots of DUmmies have spent much time doing nothing while expecting a big pay day when mom and dad cash out.  Then bingo, those final years eat up all the money and there goes their retirement plan.  I know one couple who have never held  job long enough for any kind of pension beyond minimum social security.  Their plan is when the folks go they will be all set but the folks just won't die and keep spending all the money.

[BEG]

Pay your own ****ing rent, how old are you you leech?

[franksolich]

Pay your own ****ing rent, how old are you you leech?

Well, if the maternal ancestress is 91 years old, it's a good guess, I guess, that the primitive's anywhere between circa 70 years old down to 50 years old.

About par for the course.

[RobJohnson]

I used to have to get up in the middle of the night, drive to mom and dad's house to calm daddy down and stop him from calling the police/sheriff on the people that were hired to take care of him and mom. It was even worse when my sisters kept them on weekends. I didn't have any problems much with them when it was my weekend to keep them.

It's a part of life DUmmie, deal with it.

Exactly.

Mom keeps calling but she forgot how to use the phone? DUmmies lie......

In the past two weeks, among other things, she has forgotten how to turn off the car lights forcing a battery recharge.
 
Forgotten how to lower the sound on her TV remote.

Forgotten how to retrieve stored numbers on her phone.

Forgotten how to make a call. Although that has come back.

Forgotten how to turn off her car's alarm.

I have failed to turn car lights off (when I had a car old enough that I had to do so) that resulted in a dead battery....people make mistakes, people have bad weeks.....I know middle age people that could not figure out car alarms (I worked at a few car dealerships) this is a list of little shit compared to how bad it really could be for the LEACHING DUmmie!

[BlueStateSaint]

Pay your own ****ing rent, how old are you you leech?

Exactly what I was thinking.  H5, milady.

[Alpha Mare]

I used to have to get up in the middle of the night, drive to mom and dad's house to calm daddy down and stop him from calling the police/sheriff on the people that were hired to take care of him and mom. It was even worse when my sisters kept them on weekends. I didn't have any problems much with them when it was my weekend to keep them.

It's a part of life DUmmie, deal with it.

Trying to correct someone with dementia just causes confusion and panic for them.
My sister-in-law's mother suffered from dementia. She took to calling me 'Rachael' because she thought I was her daughter (30 years earlier), and my infant son was her grandbaby.  We'd sit on the porch and she'd tell wonderful stories about those happy old days.  We called it our 'Raising Rachael' time.

[formerlurker]

aquart ‏@Aquart2

My Samsung Galaxy Tab 2 3113 has adobe flash. When do I get Acorn TV? I'll go premium the minute I see the first reviews.
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https://twitter.com/Aquart2

Uh aquart -- PAY YOUR OWN DAMN RENT!!!  You parasite.

How have we missed this angry misfit?  She lives in Manhattan also.   

[diesel driver]

Trying to correct someone with dementia just causes confusion and panic for them.
My sister-in-law's mother suffered from dementia. She took to calling me 'Rachael' because she thought I was her daughter (30 years earlier), and my infant son was her grandbaby.  We'd sit on the porch and she'd tell wonderful stories about those happy old days.  We called it our 'Raising Rachael' time.

I had a similar experience with my aunt, who was my dad's only sister.  There were 9 kids in their family, 8 boys and 1 girl, and my aunt was right in the middle, 4 older and 4 younger brothers.

I was named after her youngest brother, who died when he was 21 years old, from double pneumonia shortly after Mom and Dad were married in the early '50's.

I would visit her often when she was in the nursing home, and many, many time, I believe she would confuse me with her little brother.  I didn't mind, it was good to hear about my family and their lives, many who were born and grew up during the first Great Depression.

[Aristotelian]

I used to have to get up in the middle of the night, drive to mom and dad's house to calm daddy down and stop him from calling the police/sheriff on the people that were hired to take care of him and mom. It was even worse when my sisters kept them on weekends. I didn't have any problems much with them when it was my weekend to keep them.

It's a part of life DUmmie, deal with it.

It's a part of life now...I'm sure we can all see the slippery slope if euthanasia is ever legalised.

[GOBUCKS]

aquart (66,956 posts)    Sun Jan 20, 2013, 08:37 AM

And there is no money. She pays my rent out of her social security.

And when the old lady dies, I'm sure DUmmy aquart will promptly advise the Social Security Administration.

[catsmtrods]

My wife and I deal with and have vast experience with old folks who are suffering various mental problems and the one thing that always works to not to be confrontational. Just agree and change the subject. I bet that would be real hard for a DUmmie to do let alone figure out!! 

[JohnnyReb]

My wife and I deal with and have vast experience with old folks who are suffering various mental problems and the one thing that always works to not to be confrontational. Just agree and change the subject. I bet that would be real hard for a DUmmie to do let alone figure out!! 

That was a point I could never get accross to my two sisters..."That's right daddy....and do you remenber when.....?"