I've got a cousin who started out life with some mental problems. Pretty serious stuff. I guess you could say that he started life sort of behind the eight ball. As he grew to adolescence and adult hood he got hooked on recreational drugs of all kinds. The drugs did a number on his brain. It was like each day he was getting more stupid.
Then he had the skull crushing incident. He had been suffering some sinus congestion and noticed that a person's head is not exactly round like a ball. He got the idea that if he could slightly change the shape of his skull that it would help ease the sinus congestion. He jacked up his truck. Stuck his head under the truck. I think the report said under the bell housing. He had a stack of concrete blocks under his head to provide support. Then he released the jack. I think the intention was to lower the truck slightly and slowly just enough to put some pressure on his head. Instead he completely released the jack, and the truck came crashing down on his head. The result was more brain damage and a crushed skull. Now he's got metal plates in his skull to protect the little bit of brain that he has left.
I guess because he has no intelligence to speak of left he does stupid things now. He's tried to park his truck in the garage sideways. He got stuck at the mailbox one day. I guess he got hook by one of the corners of the box. He just couldn't get loose. He's gotten stuck in the 6" deep ditch in front of the house. He's even got stuck in the bush at the corner of the house. In other words, he's got problems. To top all of that off he's gone completely moonbat in love over the big 0.
The neighbors and I were having a cookout the other day and my cousin showed up. None of the neighbors like him because his birth problems, drug use, and idiotic accidents have made him have the personally and intelligence level just below that of a kid. Not a human kid. A baby goat. Anyway, despite their dislike of him they didn't want to be rude and ask him to leave. They tried to be nice and polite to him, but then he had to bring up his moonbat politics and his love for the Big 0. Then it was on. Below is what followed and I'll try to do it in true DUmp fashion.
cousin: So, are you going to vote for the wimp or the warrior?
neighbors: Well…that's stupid. Obama's no warrior.
cousin: Are you kidding me?
neighbors: No. Not the we know of we're not kidding. 0 has done nothing that is warrior like.
cousin: Are you blind?
neighbors: <While growing more concerned over cousin's mental stability> No. We can all see pretty well.
cousin: <Starts ranting in a loud voice with spittle flying out of his mouth>This dude has bad ass all over him! Foreign policy
Before he could say anything else we heard a load "BOOM!". The boom was the metal plates in cousin's head hitting the concrete sidewalk.
me: What just happened here?
neighbor (who is training to be a neural surgeon): I turned him off.
me: You turned him off? How?
neighbor: The last time I saw him I noticed that one of the metal plates in his head was positioned in such a way that a quick tap on the plate in the correct location would cuase the plate to hit some nerves in just the right place and BOOM. Like mute on a remote control. But he'll be alright. Or at least as alright as HE can be.
me: Look. He's managed to roll off the sidewalk into the shrubbery. Now he's stuck in the bush again.
With that we took our food inside so we could have some peace. I am curious though about what he might have said if the one neighbor hadn't turned him off. It seemed like this time he had some sort "I'll show you" screed all planned out.
Before we could enjoy our meal there was a knock at the door. There stood a cop, covered in leaves, holding my barely conscious cousin upright. The cop said he had tried to jump out of the bushes to find out what was going on, but became tangled up when cousin rolled in and got stuck in the bush.
We talked it all out. The cop gave us a warning about letting lunatics move around unescorted then went on his way.
It was an interesting cookout.
