Christmas Cookies

[Chris_]

I was chatting with another member about the DUmp's propensity for fundraisers and realized the next big moneymaker isn't until February 14, Valentine's Day.  Valentine hearts!  Why should the DUmmies have to wait to have their hard-earned cash extorted from them by Herr Skinner?  She came up with an ingenious idea... Christmas Cookies!  A dollar apiece! I offered.  It's a pure money maker and even the cheapest DUmmy can buy their fellow liberal progressive a token of esteem.  I'm not sure what a dollar will get you at the DUmp, but it has to be worth a try.

Christimas Cookies... coming soon to a DUmp near you.

[GOBUCKS]

I was chatting with another member about the DUmp's propensity for fundraisers and realized the next big moneymaker isn't until February 14, Valentine's Day.  Valentine hearts!  Why should the DUmmies have to wait to have their hard-earned cash extorted from them by Herr Skinner?  She came up with an ingenious idea... Christmas Cookies!  A dollar apiece! I offered.  It's a pure money maker and even the cheapest DUmmy can buy their fellow liberal progressive a token of esteem.  I'm not sure what a dollar will get you at the DUmp, but it has to be worth a try.

Christimas Cookies... coming soon to a DUmp near you.

You can't be serious. These are democrats.

It has to be Holiday Cookies.

[Chris_]

There are some details that need to be ironed out.

[Karin]

You can't be serious. These are democrats.

It has to be Holiday Cookies.

No, Holi is too close to Holy.  Winter Solstice cookies. 

[Ballygrl]

That's an awesome idea, but like others cited, you can't use the word Christmas, maybe Winter Solstice Cookies?

[Chris_]

'Cookie' is a derogatory term used toward young women.  I guess that's out too.

Maybe Edible Winter Solstice Treats.

[franksolich]

'Cookie' is a derogatory term used toward young women.  I guess that's out too.

Maybe Edible Winter Solstice Treats.

But the word "winter" is anti-spring, anti-summer, and anti-autumn; it's a prejudiced word.

It's a seasonist word, which means it's as bad as a racist word.

[Chris_]

This is more difficult than I expected.

Naturally Sweetened Organic Autumnal Solstice Treats?

But the term 'treat' implies exclusivity and discrimination.  We can't have that either.

[Chris_]

Aha!  This couldn't possibly offend anyone...

Naturally Sweetened Organic Autumnal Solstice Baked Goods.

[franksolich]

Aha!  This couldn't possibly offend anyone...

Naturally Sweetened Organic Autumnal Solstice Baked Goods.

To the contrary; I'm sure it would offend some political-correctnessists.

"Naturally" is anti-unnatural and hence a hostile word; "sweetened" is anti-sour and hence a hostile word; "organic" is anti-nonorganic and hence a hostile word; "autumnal" is prejudiced against that which is winteral, springal, and summeral; "solstice" is different from the other days (or nights) of the year and hence a hostile word; "baked" is anti-raw, "goods" is against things of no substance, &c., &c., &c.

This of course is political correctness reducio ad absurdum, but it's where we're headed, towards a language that means nothing at all.

[chitownchica]

Here's my holiday message to the DUmmies:

[GOBUCKS]

'Cookie' is a derogatory term used toward young women.  I guess that's out too.

Maybe Edible Winter Solstice Treats.

No good. Another derogatory term used toward young women.

[Karin]

"organic" is anti-nonorganic and hence a hostile word

Indeed it is.  Don't forget about that knock-down drag-out fight in the Cooking & Baking forum, between Tangerine LaBamba and Hippiewife.  Hippiewife was insisting that organic was absolutely essential.  TLB suggested that not everyone can afford it, a $5 black banana, a $7 rotten potato, a $10 shriveled carrot.  Mrs. Packer lit right into her. 

[Jason]

To the contrary; I'm sure it would offend some political-correctnessists.

"Naturally" is anti-unnatural and hence a hostile word; "sweetened" is anti-sour and hence a hostile word; "organic" is anti-nonorganic and hence a hostile word; "autumnal" is prejudiced against that which is winteral, springal, and summeral; "solstice" is different from the other days (or nights) of the year and hence a hostile word; "baked" is anti-raw, "goods" is against things of no substance, &c., &c., &c.

This of course is political correctness reducio ad absurdum, but it's where we're headed, towards a language that means nothing at all.

Maybe nothingness and everything-ness for $1?

[Skul]

Late year flour-compund heated disks?

[franksolich]

Indeed it is.  Don't forget about that knock-down drag-out fight in the Cooking & Baking forum, between Tangerine LaBamba and Hippiewife.  Hippiewife was insisting that organic was absolutely essential.  TLB suggested that not everyone can afford it, a $5 black banana, a $7 rotten potato, a $10 shriveled carrot.  Mrs. Packer lit right into her. 

Good times, good times.

[Karin]

Late year flour-compound heated disks?

You might be on to something.  But there better not be any high fructose corn syrup in them.  Or for matter, sugar.  It's bad for you and causes terrible health problems. 

[Chris_]

Or gluten.  Gluten gives DUmmies gas.

[Mike B the Cajun]

Gluten gives DUmmies gas.

They don't need gluten; all they have to do is open their mouth...