I've always said that John F'n Kerry missed his calling.
He could've been one helluva harness mount. You know, as a standardbred whose time has passed, he never could find his stride, breaking it in most of his races. His hopples were of little help, since they were tied to his balls and most recently are held in firm grasp by Theresa.
I'd say that John just needs to be put out to stud, but since he has no 'nads, that's kinda pointless.
Maybe he oughta just go and get ready for the soap factory. On the other hand, they probably wouldn't have him either.