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Author Topic: Giant Boner-Inducing Spider Rampages in Supermarket  (Read 3132 times)

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Offline bijou

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Giant Boner-Inducing Spider Rampages in Supermarket
« on: July 12, 2011, 06:41:28 AM »
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A five-inch Brazilian Wandering Spider—the most venomous spider in the world, which "can also cause priapism in humans"—stowed away in a box of bananas and leaped out in a German grocery store, running through the aisles and causing pandemonium on Friday.

After shutting down the store down for three days, a team of 30 wildlife experts failed to find the spider. They did, however, spray so many pesticides on the premises that they're pretty sure it's dead by now, unless it left the supermarket and is roaming the German countryside as we speak. No injuries have been reported. ...
link

This is certainly stiff competition for the creepiest thing ever.
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Offline CG6468

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Re: Giant Boner-Inducing Spider Rampages in Supermarket
« Reply #1 on: July 12, 2011, 08:12:15 AM »
Speaking of spiders, a friend of ours up in Prairie du Chien, Wisconsin got bitten in the FACE by a brown recluse spider and didn't know it. She's on multiple antibiotics and other drugs now.

This is after she kicked her alcoholic husband out of the house.

Geez............
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Offline Eupher

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Re: Giant Boner-Inducing Spider Rampages in Supermarket
« Reply #2 on: July 12, 2011, 09:09:04 AM »
Quote from: CG6468 on July 12, 2011, 08:12:15 AM
Speaking of spiders, a friend of ours up in Prairie du Chien, Wisconsin got bitten in the FACE by a brown recluse spider and didn't know it. She's on multiple antibiotics and other drugs now.

This is after she kicked her alcoholic husband out of the house.

Geez............

A brown recluse is a very dangerous critter. I hope she pulls through without major facial reconstruction.

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Offline CG6468

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Re: Giant Boner-Inducing Spider Rampages in Supermarket
« Reply #3 on: July 12, 2011, 09:11:08 AM »
Quote from: Eupher on July 12, 2011, 09:09:04 AM
A brown recluse is a very dangerous critter. I hope she pulls through without major facial reconstruction.




Yeah, I know. I hope so, too.
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Offline bijou

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Re: Giant Boner-Inducing Spider Rampages in Supermarket
« Reply #4 on: July 12, 2011, 09:26:57 AM »
Quote from: CG6468 on July 12, 2011, 08:12:15 AM
Speaking of spiders, a friend of ours up in Prairie du Chien, Wisconsin got bitten in the FACE by a brown recluse spider and didn't know it. She's on multiple antibiotics and other drugs now.

This is after she kicked her alcoholic husband out of the house.

Geez............
Oh nasty, best wishes to your friend.
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Offline Eupher

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Re: Giant Boner-Inducing Spider Rampages in Supermarket
« Reply #5 on: July 12, 2011, 09:35:00 AM »
Well, as bananas ripen they become more flaccid.

But I don't have a tie-in to the spider. Sorry, bijou.  :ashamed:
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Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: Giant Boner-Inducing Spider Rampages in Supermarket
« Reply #6 on: July 12, 2011, 12:05:12 PM »
Quote from: Eupher on July 12, 2011, 09:35:00 AM
Well, as bananas ripen they become more flaccid.

But I don't have a tie-in to the spider. Sorry, bijou.  :ashamed:

You just wanted $10 from your local radio station for using the word "flaccid" in a sentence, right? :tongue:
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Offline Eupher

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Re: Giant Boner-Inducing Spider Rampages in Supermarket
« Reply #7 on: July 12, 2011, 12:08:59 PM »
Quote from: BlueStateSaint on July 12, 2011, 12:05:12 PM
You just wanted $10 from your local radio station for using the word "flaccid" in a sentence, right? :tongue:

Hell, if I'd have known they were giving away $10 for using "flaccid" in a sentence, I would've gone the extra mile and thrown in the word "dormant" as well!

That is:

"His dormant manhood lay flaccid at his side. Along came a spider and sat down beside her, eating her curds and whey."

There's my tie-in to the spider.

 :-)
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Offline debk

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Re: Giant Boner-Inducing Spider Rampages in Supermarket
« Reply #8 on: July 12, 2011, 12:18:24 PM »
Quote from: CG6468 on July 12, 2011, 08:12:15 AM
Speaking of spiders, a friend of ours up in Prairie du Chien, Wisconsin got bitten in the FACE by a brown recluse spider and didn't know it. She's on multiple antibiotics and other drugs now.

This is after she kicked her alcoholic husband out of the house.

Geez............

Hoping she will be ok.


Years ago, our former accountant's late 20-something son was bitten by a brown recluse high up - VERY high! - on the inside of his thigh. Being at the age he was, and having a bite where it was, he was embarrassed to tell anyone....until he got sick and the bite got really nasty.

He went to the ER...which was when it was determined it was a brown recluse bite. He was on anti-biotics for months and had to have several procedures to remove dead tissue, and evnetually a skin graft. He was very lucky. Doctors told him if he had not gotten medical care when he did, or if the bite had been a couple inches up and over....he would have been looking at losing body parts or even his life.

I hate, Hate, HATE spiders!!! Only good spider is a dead spider!

Don't know if anyone watches the new show on ABC on Tuesday nights, "Combat Hospital" set in Khandahar...but one of the "new" doctors, turned around in the shower and there was a huge spider coming over the shower wall. She grabbed her gun and shot it....my kind of woman!!!....and then her gun was taken away for "unlawful firing of a gun on a military base". Her co-workers gave her a medal for "Spider Sniper".  :-)
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Just hand over the chocolate...back away slowly...far away....and you won't get hurt....

Save the Earth... it's the only planet with chocolate.

"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I've finished two bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already." – Dave Barry

A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands.

Offline CG6468

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Re: Giant Boner-Inducing Spider Rampages in Supermarket
« Reply #9 on: July 12, 2011, 02:22:57 PM »
I just called our 84-year old former neighbor (One of my best sources for dirty jokes!) who is the mother of the bite victim so....................,

CORRECTION: She got bitten on her shoulder, not her face. It was a Facebook posting, and somehow Face was the only thing that came through on the email.

Still bad, though. She's bedridden, won't eat, and is on heavy meds.
« Last Edit: July 12, 2011, 02:26:17 PM by CG6468 »
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Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: Giant Boner-Inducing Spider Rampages in Supermarket
« Reply #10 on: July 12, 2011, 02:35:34 PM »
Quote from: Eupher on July 12, 2011, 12:08:59 PM
Hell, if I'd have known they were giving away $10 for using "flaccid" in a sentence, I would've gone the extra mile and thrown in the word "dormant" as well!

That is:

"His dormant manhood lay flaccid at his side. Along came a spider and sat down beside her, eating her curds and whey."

There's my tie-in to the spider.

 :-)

You still would have only earned $10 . . . the extra would have gone to Bev Harris. :tongue:
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Offline namvet

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Re: Giant Boner-Inducing Spider Rampages in Supermarket
« Reply #11 on: July 12, 2011, 02:54:05 PM »
Ive bee bitten by brown reclue many times years ago. including my butt !!!

they go from this



to this



to this if left untreated

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Offline debk

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Re: Giant Boner-Inducing Spider Rampages in Supermarket
« Reply #12 on: July 12, 2011, 03:26:36 PM »
OMG!!!

That looks wicked awful painful.  :( :o
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Just hand over the chocolate...back away slowly...far away....and you won't get hurt....

Save the Earth... it's the only planet with chocolate.

"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I've finished two bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already." – Dave Barry

A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands.

Offline namvet

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Re: Giant Boner-Inducing Spider Rampages in Supermarket
« Reply #13 on: July 12, 2011, 03:52:35 PM »
Quote from: debk on July 12, 2011, 03:26:36 PM
OMG!!!

That looks wicked awful painful.  :( :o

and they do kill
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Online Zathras

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Re: Giant Boner-Inducing Spider Rampages in Supermarket
« Reply #14 on: July 13, 2011, 02:00:57 AM »
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60xCI2mMyyk[/youtube]
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Offline vesta111

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Re: Giant Boner-Inducing Spider Rampages in Supermarket
« Reply #15 on: July 13, 2011, 06:06:45 AM »
Breaking news from West Germany.

A rash of unexplained incidents have been reported in the Male only retirement homes lately.

Staff reports that for some reason the residents are scattering bananas on the sheets of the beds.

Local grocery stores have been deluged with requests  to deliver hundreds of boxes of bananas to the residents rooms.

Residents refuse to speak to anyone even the Doctors or nurses on hand about this strange abnormality and simply smile as they sort out their bananas.     Government is looking into the water to see if it may be tainted in some way.
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Offline Wineslob

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Re: Giant Boner-Inducing Spider Rampages in Supermarket
« Reply #16 on: July 14, 2011, 10:04:54 AM »
* Boner man, Boner man, does whatever a boner can. Can you see his huge size, just like an antenna in the sky. Watch out, here comes the Boner Mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!"




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