Mrs. Alfred Packer does Easter

[GOBUCKS]

I was horrified, does she really cut the ears, nose and feet off the bunny?

Most people don't like those parts to be included in the stew. Of course, most people also don't like chicken gizzards, so they're not so smart.
And remember, this is the Packer household, where Fedex deliverymen receive the same treatment.

[JLO]

Okay, that's it, that's the end.

For a first draft I started writing only a couple of hours ago, it'll do.

As usual, this is fiction, but it's fiction based upon anecdotes of the life of the Packer clan as related by the hippywife primitive in the cooking and baking forum on Skins's island. 

Some things may be a little bit exaggerated, other things greatly minimized, but on the whole, the story's probably at least 67-75% true-to-life accurate, faithful in most details.

Ya know, I've said this before and I'll say it again...get going on a book why don't ya?  You are a great humorist and story-teller!   

Free on-line publishers are available:

https://kdp.amazon.com/self-publishing

http://www.makeuseof.com/tag/publish-your-own-book-easily-with-some-help-from-publishamerica/

[vesta111]

Frank, I think I see where you are going with your story.

So far I see a bit of everyone in this family.   As far as you have gone, small traits of this family bring to mind someone we have known or even our own foibles.     

Good work, I can actually  see a bit here and there of myself in some of the quirks of the family, some in my friends or family.

These querks also appear in familys of the rich and famious, those that make our laws and police our towns.

Then the question of what is acceptible behavior as everyone does it comes into play.

Example----Hubby bought lawn equipment for the spring clean up.     We had big boxes that they were sold in everywhere.    Now Hubby is the most honest man I have ever known, yet he tells me he is going to dispose of the boxes at work in a dumpster out back.

I pitched a shit fit, left him totally confused.    Everyone does it, no one gets in trouble, why not ????

So who pays for the dumpster to be emptied, not us, it is the company that bares the cost.    Why should we cost anyone else to dispose of our garbage, would he like to have the neighbor down the street to fill up our trash cans with their garbage and us have to pay an extra fee???????

He gave me a confused look like I imagne most posters get on their face when I post.  A what the hell is she talking about???????

Even the most honest good hearted can fall into a trap and Your story reminds me of how and when we can all get a little quirk that this family has.

[franksolich]

I found the rabbit preparation particularly amusing.

 

 

Actually, I've never in my life seen anyone prepare rabbit, and so I was going out on a limb there, just as I did when describing the skyline of Tulsa, when I've never seen Tulsa in my life.

I assumed that's how one prepares rabbit.

But those two instances are perhaps probably the only cases in which I went out very far on a limb.

[franksolich]

That's really sad frank and I feel more sympathetic towards her now.

Well, but we all make our own destinies.

Mine's been lousy in some instances, great in other instances.

Where it's been lousy has been my own fault, and I accept responsibility for that.

Mrs. Alfred Packer's story is actually pretty common among the primitives; a story of someone who has rejected the people, the place, the culture, the values, that gave one life, and nourished one.

And what happens when one does that. 

In the immortal words of Demonic Underwear some years ago, the primitives are as fish who reject the water.

The saga of the Packer clan is, really, nothing more than the usual standard medieval morality play.

[franksolich]

I now understand the hippywife a little better.  The hippyhubby?  Not so much.

Wild Bill's actually easy to understand.

His contempt for all that is good and decent--religion, the people of Oklahoma, Republicans and conservatives--is perhaps based on that Wild Bill came from an unattractive background, the poorer, rougher, elements in Oklahoma.

Since Wild Bill imagines himself not as good as other people, he projects his feelings about himself onto those he considers his adversaries (again; religion, the people of Oklahoma, Republicans and conservatives), in a twist making silk purses into sow's ears.

He hates those things because deep inside, he loathes himself.

Which is the usual standard customary primitive reaction.

The franksolich reaction is quite different.

For those who don't know, franksolich was born without ears, and is deaf.  The deformity of course is covered up by wearing the hair a little bit longer than what men usually wear, but the social and intellectual chasm between franksolich and the hearing world can't be bridged.  It is true franksolich was born with the acting talents of John Barrymore, which enables him to "get by" for a while, fooling others into thinking he's a hearing person, but the truth comes out sooner or later, usually sooner.

So like Wild Bill, franksolich is an outsider.

However.

Unlike Wild Bill, franksolich first gives other people, or groups of people, the opportunity to "reject" him before he goes around loathing and detesting them.

franksolich doesn't automatically think other people don't like him; in fact, franksolich has the bad habit of going too far the other way, automatically presuming he's going to be accepted by all.  franksolich goes way too far this opposite direction, but is never likely to change.

And the record thus far is indisputable; in all his life, franksolich has found the hearing world remarkably receptive of him, from all socio-economic classes and castes to all ages and genders to all cultures and societies, which have been exposed to him.  Rejection of franksolich is a rare phenomenon.

In fact, it's possible only the primitives have ever rejected franksolich, all the rest of the world accepting him.

And that's the mistake Wild Bill made, and is making.

Don't pre-judge.  Give the other guy a chance, a chance to either reject or accept, before rejecting him.

[Ballygrl]

Well, but we all make our own destinies.

Mine's been lousy in some instances, great in other instances.

Where it's been lousy has been my own fault, and I accept responsibility for that.

Mrs. Alfred Packer's story is actually pretty common among the primitives; a story of someone who has rejected the people, the place, the culture, the values, that gave one life, and nourished one.

And what happens when one does that. 

In the immortal words of Demonic Underwear some years ago, the primitives are as fish who reject the water.

The saga of the Packer clan is, really, nothing more than the usual standard medieval morality play.

It does explain the ideology choice, the left just loves misery, instead of trying to make themselves happy they would rather wallow in it and in turn they want the rest of us to be like them.

[DumbAss Tanker]

Actually, I've never in my life seen anyone prepare rabbit, and so I was going out on a limb there, just as I did when describing the skyline of Tulsa, when I've never seen Tulsa in my life.

I assumed that's how one prepares rabbit.

But those two instances are perhaps probably the only cases in which I went out very far on a limb.

While my experience is with game, the only big question is if one is saving the pelt or not.  Basically you kill the wabbit, decapitate it and skin it (How you skin it gets to the 'Saving the pelt' part), and gut it, then generally cut it into five pieces (Saddle and the hind- and forequarters).  The ear-lopping, nose-saving, and defurring were highly amusing in light of the continuing warfare of ptarmigan vs. lagomorph here, unrelated to actual food preparation as they might be.

[BlueStateSaint]

Basically you kill the wabbit

Did you take a course under Elmer Fudd?

[DumbAss Tanker]

Did you take a course under Elmer Fudd?

Huhuhuhuhuh, why do you ask, you wascal?

[GOBUCKS]

Ya know, I've said this before and I'll say it again...get going on a book why don't ya?  You are a great humorist and story-teller!   

Free on-line publishers are available:

https://kdp.amazon.com/self-publishing

http://www.makeuseof.com/tag/publish-your-own-book-easily-with-some-help-from-publishamerica/

Better yet, just shoot a PM to DUmmy Raven.

[Karin]

Great tale, Frank, I enjoyed it very much!

Another part we know is true:  They don't "do" Christmas, rather, they spent Christmas night having some nondescript meal, then sitting down and listening to David Sedaris read his books on tape.  Sedaris is featured on NPR, and he is quite openly gay with a pronounced lisp.   I wonder why HippyHubby is into that sort of thing? 

[franksolich]

Great tale, Frank, I enjoyed it very much!

Another part we know is true:  They don't "do" Christmas, rather, they spent Christmas night having some nondescript meal, then sitting down and listening to David Sedaris read his books on tape.

I've always wondered about that, ever since the first time Mrs. Alfred Packer mentioned it.

Why would hearing people listen to an audio book, instead of just reading it?

Unless, of course, one is blind or illiterate.

It's not quite the same thing as the days when radio featured stories and dramas, which were expressedly scripted for purposes of hearing, rather than reading.

I just can't see it.  I looked up the program when Mrs. Alfred Packer first mentioned it about a year and a half ago, and essentially, it seems to me they were merely listening to a script, not hearing a story.

I dunno.  Even if I could hear, I would just as soon read books, not listen to them.

Incidentally, it was when Mrs. Alfred Packer first mentioned that they don't "do Christmas" that she metamorphosized from the affectionate "Grandma" to the more-sinister "Mrs. Alfred Packer," as it was painfully obvious she had succumbed, absorbed, taken in, the negativity of her husband.

I really dislike it when such happens--a spouse (either wife or husband, either one) suborning her or his better nature to the less-positive, less-happy, nature of the other.   

[DumbAss Tanker]

I've always wondered about that, ever since the first time Mrs. Alfred Packer mentioned it.

Why would hearing people listen to an audio book, instead of just reading it?

Well, if they listen to it together as a shared experience, nodding knowingly to each other in affirmation or chuckling wryly at the urbane sophistication of the humorous passages, then that actually is something a couple could do with an audio book, but not a hard copy.

I was unfamiliar with the work of David Sedaris.  After looking him up on Wiki, I expect to remain so.

[GOBUCKS]

Sedaris is featured on NPR, and he is quite openly gay with a pronounced lisp.   I wonder why HippyHubby is into that sort of thing? 

I imagine Wild Bill listens to the dainty, effeminate gayboy in fascination, dreaming of tender chops and steaks and other succulent cuts.
Nothing like Fedex deliverymen, who always bring the pressure cooker into play.

[vesta111]

I've always wondered about that, ever since the first time Mrs. Alfred Packer mentioned it.

Why would hearing people listen to an audio book, instead of just reading it?

Unless, of course, one is blind or illiterate.

It's not quite the same thing as the days when radio featured stories and dramas, which were expressedly scripted for purposes of hearing, rather than reading.

I just can't see it.  I looked up the program when Mrs. Alfred Packer first mentioned it about a year and a half ago, and essentially, it seems to me they were merely listening to a script, not hearing a story.

I dunno.  Even if I could hear, I would just as soon read books, not listen to them.

Incidentally, it was when Mrs. Alfred Packer first mentioned that they don't "do Christmas" that she metamorphosized from the affectionate "Grandma" to the more-sinister "Mrs. Alfred Packer," as it was painfully obvious she had succumbed, absorbed, taken in, the negativity of her husband.

I really dislike it when such happens--a spouse (either wife or husband, either one) suborning her or his better nature to the less-positive, less-happy, nature of the other.   

Reading for pleasure I have found is a most selfish act, it is like having sex with oneself.  Close off others, enjoy a good tale by ones self.  I have fallen into a book occasionally where I am so engrossed it takes a shaking to get me back to reality.

Audio books allow as does watching the TV enable others to partake of an experience with you.  Listening to a story read is perhaps like reading a book to the kids at bed time, something soothing for the child and parent.

Reading for pleasure can become addicting to some of us, a way to close off the reality of the present, we can leave the bills and problems aside for a while and go to India and ride an Elephant, off on a space ship to another world or be an on looker to ancient history.

Audio books are a help for me when I have to tackle a big job, cleaning out a spare room or cleaning top to bottom the kitchen.   As I work I can as my grandmothers did listening to the radio as they cooked or did the wash, just work automatically and still go far away in my mind as the story progresses.

Biggest difference I find between sight reading and audio listening is that if interrupted one can close a book and return to it later.  Listening to the TV or radio, if interrupted one will miss out on what ever is being said if they have to turn the sound off.

I am a book person, I like the smell of the paper and ink, the feel of the pages as I turn them, books are personal to me.   Audio is a quick fix if I have no time to sit and do nothing but read.

[GOBUCKS]

Reading for pleasure is like having sex with oneself.  I am a book person,

Way too much information.

[Boudicca]

It's a constantly continuing story, the story of the Packer clan.

Every story has some untied loose ends, to be tied in a sequel sometime later.

For example, you might recall the little Celestial peddlar of stainless-steel cookery, who mysteriously disappeared without a trace, after which Wild Bill and Mrs. Alfred Packer dined upon chop suey and chow mein for months, as side-dishes.

I still haven't cleared up the matter of the Federal Express deliveryman.

And now there's the sister-in-law, with her unnatural longing.

And of course the sheriff and the counterfeit $10 bills.

The lobsters from Maine.

The brother-in-law surreptitiously in competition with Wild Bill in the distillery-building business.

The fate of Wild Bill's first wife, who disappeared without a trace, after which Wild Bill rented a locker (freezer) at the local butchery for six months, filling it up and then slowly emptying it.

Wild Bill and Chief S itting Bull have it out.

Mrs. Alfred Packer and her relations with the contemptible "fundies."

The premature and unanticipated disappearance of residents of the local nursing home.

The African goat's-head stew.

Mrs. Alfred Packer saved by a package of praying jelly beans.

&c., &c., &c.

There's a lot of untied loose ends, as there had been in previous sagas (some of which eventually got tied up in this story)--the one new element in this story was the introduction of the ears-deprived chain-smoking sullen youngest brother, who's likely to be featured prominently in subsequent sagas.

Stay tuned.

When was the last time Chief S itting Bull WAS heard from on the Isle of Misfit Dems?

[GOBUCKS]

the brother with both eyes on the same side of his nose

Maybe a common dominant gene in the Packer clan?
Seems to me there was once a sister, blown up long ago, with the same interesting arrangement.

[franksolich]

When was the last time Chief S itting Bull WAS heard from on the Isle of Misfit Dems?

February 2011, and that wasn't Chief S itting Bull there in person; some other primitive reported for him.

The last time Chief S itting Bull was there his own self was, I think, early December 2010.

The bird-smacking stoned red-faced primitive is still recovering, apparently (according to the primitive who reported for him), from the beating-up he got election night when he mouthed off to the wrong person.

[Karin]

Way too much information.

Glad I didn't read it! 

Sedaris is actually very funny when he sticks to 1) The printed page, and 2) Remembrances of his family.

His parents were conservative, and his mom was an absolute riot.