To the Crazy-bat-shit-lady who picked up the free fridge

[Chris_]

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/snj/494903542.html

Date: 2007-11-30, 10:06PM EST


Dear Crazy-As-Bat-Shit-Lady:

I am honored that you chose my ad for a mini fridge out of all the ads you could have chosen. It makes me feel good that my mini fridge will be supplying you with the ice cold beverages you've obviously become accustomed to.

Next time you answer one of my ads, please note the following:

1. I am not Home Depot. If you travel thirty minutes to pick up a bulky 40-pound object, please come prepared with the necessary items you'll need to secure it to your vehicle. Yes, I have rope. I have a lot of rope. I have many different colors and sizes of rope. No, you can not have my rope. The ad said I was giving away a fridge, not a fridge with rope. Nor was I offering a fridge with padding so that the pleather seats on your piece of crap 89 ford pinto with no hub caps car don't get marked up.

2. What part of ' must pick up' in the ad was confusing to you? Yes, I have a vehicle. No, I don't want to haul your fridge all the way to East Bumble**** on the coldest day of the year. No, I'm really really sure I don't want to do that. No, really. I'm sure.

3. Please call me only once with ALL your questions. I left for the day, and had 5 messages on my answering machine, the last one was at 11:30 pm. Frankly lady, you were sounding a bit too crazy by the end of the day. It's a fridge. A small metal box that keeps shit cold. I don't have the fridge's family tree. For all I know the fridge's was conceived by a slutty young Maytag that graced some hillbilly's side porch. I don't know the exact age of the fridge. I bought it a few years ago, I used it for a couple of months, ok, I lied, I used it a whole year. The fact is, you're not buying a race horse, you're buying a used fridge.

4. No, I will not throw in a couple bucks of gas money to pick it up because your anal retentive eyes picked up the ittiest, bittiest hairline scratch with a microscope so it wasnt completly described. I'm not making judgements on you, but I'm pretty damn sure Donald Trump didn't send you across the state to pick up a used fridge for Trump Towers. Though I'd wager the whole concept of the mini-fridge bar is a familar one to you.


(more...)

[Chris_]

No good deed goes unpunished.

Next time, just donate it to Goodwill -- they'll come and get it if it works.

ps: FREAKING HILARIOUS.

[Chris_]

You bastard!  I am now addicted to that "best of" site!

Here's another good one:

Free BLOW!!
Date: 2007-12-11, 12:26PM MST


Here's the thing, I'm trying to clean up my life, but I've got to get rid of all the drugs from my past. So last night, as I was trying to empty all my stuff into the garbage, my wife came out and started trying to rip it out of my hands. Needless to say, and argument ensued, and soon the neighbors were in on it too.

We all stood there, arguing over what to do with the dope I wanted to throw out, when suddenly, my neighbor tried to rip in out of my hands. Now, I've got a serious problem.

The bag ripped and the white powder went EVERYWHERE. I mean, it's all over the lawn, the driveway, up and down the street. There's just a bunch of dope out there lying on the street. I'm terrified that the cops will come at any minute.

I mean, this stuff is thick, we're talking several inches just covering everything on the whole street.

So, Free dope, come one come all, bring your straws, your needles whatever, but PLEASE bring a shovel, you can have all of the powder from my driveway, my sidewalks, and even the grass if you promise to be gentle, but bring a TRUCK. There's a lot of this and I don't want any left behind.

First come, first served. Also, my neighbors have offered to let you have the powder on their property as well.

Near Southwest Plaza, email for directions. Hurry, an offer like this won't last long. (And I'm worried the cops are coming, so come QUICK).

[mamacags]

You bastard!  I am now addicted to that "best of" site!

Here's another good one:

Free BLOW!!
Date: 2007-12-11, 12:26PM MST


Here's the thing, I'm trying to clean up my life, but I've got to get rid of all the drugs from my past. So last night, as I was trying to empty all my stuff into the garbage, my wife came out and started trying to rip it out of my hands. Needless to say, and argument ensued, and soon the neighbors were in on it too.

We all stood there, arguing over what to do with the dope I wanted to throw out, when suddenly, my neighbor tried to rip in out of my hands. Now, I've got a serious problem.

The bag ripped and the white powder went EVERYWHERE. I mean, it's all over the lawn, the driveway, up and down the street. There's just a bunch of dope out there lying on the street. I'm terrified that the cops will come at any minute.

I mean, this stuff is thick, we're talking several inches just covering everything on the whole street.

So, Free dope, come one come all, bring your straws, your needles whatever, but PLEASE bring a shovel, you can have all of the powder from my driveway, my sidewalks, and even the grass if you promise to be gentle, but bring a TRUCK. There's a lot of this and I don't want any left behind.

First come, first served. Also, my neighbors have offered to let you have the powder on their property as well.

Near Southwest Plaza, email for directions. Hurry, an offer like this won't last long. (And I'm worried the cops are coming, so come QUICK).

That is awesome.  I have a bunch saved that make me giggle but alas my computer is still in the shop.

[Golem]

Bumping a good one!