My favorite would-be emigre was DUmmy TwixVoy.
After losing a promising career uncrating melon ballers at Target, he was on the verge of starting several other jobs until that hateful, racist piss cup would show up.
He decided to emigrate, but could only secure a visa for Somalia or Bangladesh.
So, he decided to move to Portugal, where he could sponge off his son.
That hit a huge snag when his son declined to reveal his Portuguese address.
DUmmy Twix then just evaporated.