subway cat seeks other disassociatives

[franksolich]

I have NO idea why this bonfire popped on the screen, but here it is.

It's a bonfire five years old.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=276x122

undergroundpanther  (1000+ posts)        Sun Nov-28-04 01:15 AM
Original message

Any other dissociatives in here?

If so how do you cope with the "holidays"?

For me holidays are always kinda triggering.I tend to not really like holidays especially ones socially imposed..like x mas where you sometimes are obliged to be jolly when it's the last thing you want to be around the last people you want to be around.

For me I don't associate alot wityh my family the household is brojken up now that he tyrant(father) is dead has been for like 20 odd years or so.

I think that our family fully fell apart when the house bully died because without his chaos messing life up for all of us we found we really didn't relate to each other as family,freinds or companions,and we still to this day feel awkward and uncomfortable around each other.

I think it's because we are all very different people with very different lives and we don't know who each other are really now ,because we NEVER did before because of the trauma in the house made it impossible to form real emotional attachments....I think we were connected more 'together' years ago due to being too young to live on our own and to get out of that house.So we had to have a bit of empathy and relatedness for each other just to survive.

But now the situation has changed we have adapted too.

Now that we don't HAVE to survive and defend each other/ourselves from assaults,I guess we unspokenly but mutually agreed we are not obligated to each other's well being or need to be so involved so much in each other's lives anymore.My sisters and I have emotionally drifted away in our own ways,we still all have contact through my mom,who's 73.

I guess we feel an obligation to her even though it is kinda distant and sorta emotionally unrewarding(at least for me.)My mom has a narcisistic streak and can be a pain in the ass if you hang with her too long and get too invested in her emotionally,she'll hurt you.

So maintaining your privacy,and having clear boundaries abnd enforcing them around her are very important for me to be capable of to copeing with her..I have a hard time with mom sometimes, I live in her basement.

I don't spend alot of time with her being intimate or engaging with her and involving her in my affairs because when we do things get strained ,she gets controlling and plays games. So it's obvious to me we don't know how to communicate to each other beyond superficial stuff because we are 2 very different people with very little in common with each other.

We live almost like a landlord and tenant. As for my sisters truthfully I am glad we are distant.Because I don't know who my sisters are anyways. So I have made a family for myself out of real freinds with interests and lifestyles similar to my own.

I feel at home with them more than I ever did with my own related family. It's funny I care about whom I am not related to more than my relatives,My freinds feel like my real family , It is they whom make this holiday emotional horrorshow liveable.Maybe it's partly because alot of my freinds have also departed from thier own unhappy homes..They understand what family really means ..

We are ships cut loose to drift away in the night,abandoned long ago,Who have found a safe harbor in each other's hearts.

And to me, That's home.

Droopy  (1000+ posts)      Sun Nov-28-04 01:13 PM
Response to Original message
 
1. I'm not sure what disassociative means

From your post I gather it means that you are emotionally detatched from your family. Thankfully, I have very good relations with my family. They haven't done anything to make me ill or to make me suffer more than I did. I don't have any childhood trauma in my past. When we get together for the holidays it is truly a fun event.

However, I think we are kind of opposites in the regard that you don't have a good relationship with your family, but have friends. I have a good relationship with my family, but I only have one friend outside of my internet buddies here at DU. I have a really hard time socializing with people I don't know so that makes it hard for me to find new friends.

I'm glad you've got somebody to enjoy yourself with. It's so hard making it in the world when you're all alone. Especially when you are suffering from mental illness. 

The last sentence surely had to be the primitive understatement of 2004.

undergroundpanther  (1000+ posts)        Mon Nov-29-04 04:38 AM
Response to Reply #1
 
2. By dissociative

I meant DID dissociative Identity disorder.

I brought up family issues because people with trauma issues often have issues with family too.. and I was wondering how others with trauma histories cope with holidays and families ..that's all.

DemExpat  (1000+ posts)        Mon Nov-29-04 06:13 AM
Response to Reply #2
 
3. The only way to make holidays enjoyable imo is to have a few good friends (or siblings, if you all show the inclination for more intimacy) to hang out with, to take a little trip somewhere, immerse yourself into a hobby like painting throughout those days, do a household cleaning or decorating project, or read tons of good books. Sounds good to me!

To be nice and loving to yourself if alone, do some fun simple things with available friends if you have them nearby....

I have been an expat most of my life, which has drawbacks as well as advantages when it comes to very negative family histories, but the loneliness and pain of not having that "wonderful" family, especially during Christmas holidays, has followed me most of my life.

Not until I had my own children did I start creating happy events and memories for the holidays.

I understand what you mean about having a Mom with a narcissitic streak - my Mom died in 1995, but getting together with her was very difficult most of the time, and I had to learn to not take any crap from her (attention-seeking) or else get involved in hours-long discussions of her victimhood.....

Now that my parents are dead there is no family home to meet, and I also have not been with siblings except for my dear youngest sister...

I agree with you that making your own "substitute family" is the only way to go in our circumstances. I have done this with fellow ex-pat friends, who are also seeking that family closeness here, along with my children!

DU AdBot (1000+ posts)      Wed May 06th 2009, 09:28 PM
Response to Original message

FireObama.NET

Prepare for 2012
Join the Discussion

[Chris_]

Well UGP is just plain nuts but AdBot Rulz!!! 

[Toastedturningtidelegs]

undergroundpanther  (1000+ posts)        Sun Nov-28-04 01:15 AM
Original message

Any other dissociatives in here?

If so how do you cope with the "holidays"?

For me holidays are always kinda triggering.I tend to not really like holidays especially ones socially imposed..like x mas where you sometimes are obliged to be jolly when it's the last thing you want to be around the last people you want to be around.

For me I don't associate alot wityh my family the household is brojken up now that he tyrant(father) is dead has been for like 20 odd years or so.

I think that our family fully fell apart when the house bully died because without his chaos messing life up for all of us we found we really didn't relate to each other as family,freinds or companions,and we still to this day feel awkward and uncomfortable around each other.

I think it's because we are all very different people with very different lives and we don't know who each other are really now ,because we NEVER did before because of the trauma in the house made it impossible to form real emotional attachments....I think we were connected more 'together' years ago due to being too young to live on our own and to get out of that house.So we had to have a bit of empathy and relatedness for each other just to survive.

But now the situation has changed we have adapted too.

Now that we don't HAVE to survive and defend each other/ourselves from assaults,I guess we unspokenly but mutually agreed we are not obligated to each other's well being or need to be so involved so much in each other's lives anymore.My sisters and I have emotionally drifted away in our own ways,we still all have contact through my mom,who's 73.

I guess we feel an obligation to her even though it is kinda distant and sorta emotionally unrewarding(at least for me.)My mom has a narcisistic streak and can be a pain in the ass if you hang with her too long and get too invested in her emotionally,she'll hurt you.

So maintaining your privacy,and having clear boundaries abnd enforcing them around her are very important for me to be capable of to copeing with her..I have a hard time with mom sometimes, I live in her basement.

I don't spend alot of time with her being intimate or engaging with her and involving her in my affairs because when we do things get strained ,she gets controlling and plays games. So it's obvious to me we don't know how to communicate to each other beyond superficial stuff because we are 2 very different people with very little in common with each other.

We live almost like a landlord and tenant. As for my sisters truthfully I am glad we are distant.Because I don't know who my sisters are anyways. So I have made a family for myself out of real freinds with interests and lifestyles similar to my own.

I feel at home with them more than I ever did with my own related family. It's funny I care about whom I am not related to more than my relatives,My freinds feel like my real family , It is they whom make this holiday emotional horrorshow liveable.Maybe it's partly because alot of my freinds have also departed from thier own unhappy homes..They understand what family really means ..

We are ships cut loose to drift away in the night,abandoned long ago,Who have found a safe harbor in each other's hearts.

And to me, That's home.

This is probably the most informative post i've ever seen from UGP! Very interesting....I always figured her obsession with "bullies" had something to do with dad! It also sounds as if her entire family decided to leave her be{with the exception of mom who probably feels a responsibility to her very mentally ill daughter even at her advanced age} Sounds as if mom just lets her stay in the basement and do her "cat thing" just to keep her own sanity as UGP is probably a pretty draining person to be around and it also keeps her isolated from hurting herself or others!

[franksolich]

This is probably the most informative post i've ever seen from UGP! Very interesting....I always figured her obsession with "bullies" had something to do with dad!

It also sounds as if her entire family decided to leave her be{with the exception of mom who probably feels a responsibility to her very mentally ill daughter even at her advanced age} Sounds as if mom just lets her stay in the basement and do her "cat thing" just to keep her own sanity as UGP is probably a pretty draining person to be around and it also keeps her isolated from hurting herself or others!

I always suspected it had something to do with the old man, as in the case of so many other primitives; it's unfortunate that after these cretins raise the primitives, the primitives disavow them in all things but politics.

The primitives always keep the old man's politics.

That, incidentally, is why the primitives don't like strong healthy male figures, such as George Bush, who represents the father they wished they had, but because they didn't, they Hate him.  I think it was the Bostonian Drunkard who first unwittingly betrayed this characteristic, at least to franksolich.

As for the subway cat's living arrangements, remember, this bonfire was lit five years ago, and much has happened since then.  Her aged mother didn't care much, and even felt threatened by, the quality of "friends" the subway cat was bringing into the house, and so moved out, leaving the whole house to the subway cat.

Apparently old dad the bully left his widow and heiresses at least some money and property, because mom, although no Pedro Picasso or kaput primitive, isn't exactly hurting, financially.  Not affluent, just okay.

[Toastedturningtidelegs]

I always suspected it had something to do with the old man, as in the case of so many other primitives; it's unfortunate that after these cretins raise the primitives, the primitives disavow them in all things but politics.

The primitives always keep the old man's politics.

I think you are probably right...I also think there is a bit of rebellion going on as well. I think some of the primitives probably have conservative parents and are rebelling against mom or dad in that way. I give you the primitive Ladyhawk as an example of that.

As for the subway cat's living arrangements, remember, this bonfire was lit five years ago, and much has happened since then.  Her aged mother didn't care much, and even felt threatened by, the quality of "friends" the subway cat was bringing into the house, and so moved out, leaving the whole house to the subway cat.

Yes it seems dear old mom ran for the hills! Leaving the house to her very mentally ill daughter and her cats! It's interesting to me as well that UGP projects her own narcissism onto dear old mom by calling mom a narcissist!

[franksolich]

I think you are probably right...I also think there is a bit of rebellion going on as well. I think some of the primitives probably have conservative parents and are rebelling against mom or dad in that way. I give you the primitive Ladyhawk as an example of that.

Yeah, that probably happens; undoubtedly it happens.

But it also happens that a great many primitives have fathers they Hate, who are, or were, Democrats or liberals.  After all, bullying, sexism, not caring, whatnot, are prominent characteristics of Democrats, liberals, and primitives.

I give you the Bostonian Drunkard as a prime example; his paternal ancestor is about as Democrat and liberal as they come.

[Karin]

but I only have one friend outside of my internet buddies here at DU. I have a really hard time socializing with people I don't know so that makes it hard for me to find new friends.

Maybe this person would be more likely to find friends if he/she weren't inclined to pick the name "droopy." 

Demexpat thinks that a household cleaning task makes the holidays more enjoyable?  To each his own, I suppose.