Parents if you're going to "help" with homework don't make it obvious

[Miss Mia]

Parent projects: When homework help goes too far

Anyone who has ever proudly carried Junior's papier-mache heart into the science fair—only to run into the cardiologist's kid with the medical school model—has seen what happens when the line between parental involvement and parental takeover gets crossed.

-snip-

Vernon Hills parent Barb Rosenstock admitted that she once helped her son build a project for a school assignment. In her defense, she said, it was on magnetic electricity.

"It had to light up and be magnetic," Rosenstock said. "Come on. They're in 2nd grade."

Her son wanted to build a hockey game, so Rosenstock helped him affix magnets to the bottoms of figurines and rig a light that illuminated when the puck hit the goal.

They proudly took it to school only to find an even more impressive "parent project" displayed alongside theirs.

"They literally had a walking, talking teddy bear. They had made a circuit chip. A circuit chip! You're talking about 2nd graders," Rosenstock recalled with a laugh.

-snip-

[mamacags]

Both of my kids had to do a poster with pictures and stuff about their lives.  While my kids did it themselves MOST of the other kids did not.  Some of the posters were fully scrapbooked with fancy trim, mosaics, and calligraphy.  It pissed me off.  Last project my daughter did everything except one small part that had super glue on it.  The teacher asked her if I did her project.  I would rather stick a needle in my eye than do one of those projects.

[MrsSmith]

I've heard parents complain about "those poor kids from single-mother homes" that are forced to do their own projects...mostly by parents who occasionally let their kid(s) help a little on Science Fair or Boy Scout projects.

My son built his own toolbox in scouts...with very minimal help.  If I recall correctly, I made a couple of the longer cuts with my circular saw, all the rest  he did with a hand saw.  He was far prouder of his successful project than the kids who watched Daddy do the whole thing.   

(And how many parents will go on to complain that Jr. can't do anything for him/her self in a few short years.) 

[DixieBelle]

We have to build a volcano this weekend. I was given strict orders to stay the heck away. Apparently I'm a girl or something. 

[Tess]

We have to build a volcano this weekend. I was given strict orders to stay the heck away. Apparently I'm a girl or something. 

 

[RightCoast]

Both of my kids had to do a poster with pictures and stuff about their lives.  While my kids did it themselves MOST of the other kids did not.  Some of the posters were fully scrapbooked with fancy trim, mosaics, and calligraphy.  It pissed me off.  Last project my daughter did everything except one small part that had super glue on it.  The teacher asked her if I did her project.  I would rather stick a needle in my eye than do one of those projects.

I've seen those posters at preschool and have actually had my daughters teacher mention how refreshing it was to see a CHILDS art project when we brought ours in - all we helped with was the glue and cutting.

[NHSparky]

I'm wondering if any of these parents realize they're not doing their kids any favors?  What happens when Johnnie or Janie (or Hunter or whatever names they give kids today) are in over their heads in Calculus, Physics, or any myriad of classes they never took?

And this goes to outside the classroom as well.  Mommy and daddy trying to be "buds" with their kids might give the parents a warm fuzzy, but the kid didn't LEARN anything, which extentds to the science project, spending money/setting a budget, or learning to be polite when da po-po pulls you over.  I'm sure every HS teacher has a horror story from an overbearing parent of a rockhead kid failing (or not doing as well as they should) in a class that, "Your grade is going to keep my little angel from going to Harvard!"

Since I was a kid, whenever I looked at my parents for help on homework, I got the, "Don't look at me, I'm dumb.  You're going to figure it out yourself."  Maybe they weren't so dumb after all....

[Flame]

Since I was a kid, whenever I looked at my parents for help on homework, I got the, "Don't look at me, I'm dumb.  You're going to figure it out yourself."  Maybe they weren't so dumb after all....

I help my kids with homework if they don't undertand something.  I don't give them the answer, but I help them figure out how to figure it out.  Helps that I'm a teacher by trade, so it comes naturally for me.

 I don't do things for my kids that they can do themselves...heck, when I was sick a couple weeks ago, my kids made dinner ( a real dinner I might add) and cleaned up, all on their own.  And all of them (including the 8 yr old) can load and start the dishwasher, washer and dryer. (The 8yr old needs help moving clothes from washer to dryer cause he's too short to reach all the way to the bottom).

[Splashdown]

I've gotten calls from parents asking when "our" (meaning the kid and the parent's) test is. 

[Celtic Rose]

I'm wondering if any of these parents realize they're not doing their kids any favors?  What happens when Johnnie or Janie (or Hunter or whatever names they give kids today) are in over their heads in Calculus, Physics, or any myriad of classes they never took?

And this goes to outside the classroom as well.  Mommy and daddy trying to be "buds" with their kids might give the parents a warm fuzzy, but the kid didn't LEARN anything, which extentds to the science project, spending money/setting a budget, or learning to be polite when da po-po pulls you over.  I'm sure every HS teacher has a horror story from an overbearing parent of a rockhead kid failing (or not doing as well as they should) in a class that, "Your grade is going to keep my little angel from going to Harvard!"

Since I was a kid, whenever I looked at my parents for help on homework, I got the, "Don't look at me, I'm dumb.  You're going to figure it out yourself."  Maybe they weren't so dumb after all....

My mom would help me if she could, and she corrected my homework every night and made me redo any that were wrong, or rewrite any words that were mis-spelled.  My teachers apparently gave her a bit of a hard time for insisting that spell everything correctly when I wrote, but I learned to spell well.  She sat with me when I did homework, but she never did anything for me, unless it was something like using a hot glue gun for project.

[Sweet Dee]

I don't see the big deal here.  My parents always helped me with school projects when I was in elementary school.  It was fun, and my mother always seemed to have the most perfect finishing touches for any goofy crafty assignment I was given.  When I hit 6th grade, I started taking "honors" classes and from then on out, I didn't really do projects anymore.  It was all reading / testing, until I graduated.  So yeah, my parents might've helped me glue popsicle sticks to shoeboxes and whatever, but that certainly didn't impair my academic success   lol 

[bijou]

[Chris_]

Speaking of second graders...  I regularly post on another forum dedicated to helping people pass their (Architecture) licensing exams.  These folks are supposedly adults, BUT once or twice a month I run across one of those who is accustomed to having everything spoon fed to them.  They'll ask a question and I tell them where to find the answer.  Then they'll whine and complain that it would be much more efficient/faster if I just told them the answer.  It really pisses 'em off when I explain that I won't be there in the testing room during the real exam to hold their little hands.  They have to be able to solve problems, not just regurgitate answers.

[Flame]

  They have to be able to solve problems, not just regurgitate answers.

Ding ding ding...tha Winner!


This is what is sorely lacking in education these days.

[DixieBelle]

Just google "heliocopter parent". Oy!

[Miss Mia]

I have to say, my parents almost always let me do projects on my own.  There was one exception.  In the 7th grade I had to do this horrible poetry assignment.  We had to write like 5 poems and do an illustration.  I can't write poetry worth a crap, and my teacher hated me.  Seriously, she hated me.  I think I wrote 2 poems and my mom wrote the other 3 and I did all the illustrations.  And I'll say, my mom's not winning any prizes for poetry, so it wasn't like super sophisticated either. 

That's the only time she really did a lot of one of my projects. 

Oh and there was my awesome Matilda shadowbox I did.  My mom helped by taking the book to work and making copies of the illustrations (which I told her which ones to do).  Then she glued them on foam board, and cut them out (it required the use of a sharp knife).  But I put together the rest.  I made the little desks and painted them, and used my construction paper to make the walls.  I'd say she did about 10% of the work, but it was all at my direction on what I needed. 

But as far as science projects in elementary school, she and I would come up with the idea together, but I did all the work. 

[miskie]

we have drawers full of art supplies for the kids, and let them do project work themselves. If they ask for help, I will show them by example, not by completing their work for them. Unless one intends to make future DUmmies who expect the world to do all the hard stuff for them, it really is best to let kids explore their own creativity and talent, while using that mush in their skulls to do some problem solving along the way.

[Hawkgirl]

Since I was a kid, whenever I looked at my parents for help on homework, I got the, "Don't look at me, I'm dumb.  You're going to figure it out yourself."  Maybe they weren't so dumb after all....

   I got something similar...only more of a "is it in italian, no? then we don't understand"
I learned to be independant from the beginning...I think it only helped me.

[MrsSmith]

In all seriousness...when I was a kid in school, parental responsibility for school work was largely summed up in 2 sentences..."Do you have homework?" and "Get it DONE, NOW!"  I know the Dims control the NEA, but how did we get to the point that the parents are responsible for what the school wants done?  :clueless:

[Chris_]

In all seriousness...when I was a kid in school, parental responsibility for school work was largely summed up in 2 sentences..."Do you have homework?" and "Get it DONE, NOW!"  I know the Dims control the NEA, but how did we get to the point that the parents are responsible for what the school wants done?  :clueless:

A lot of parents don't care if their children learn or not.  It's the grades that count, not how they got them.  They just want to be able to tell their friends, "Johnny got straight A's again."