No salsa for you!

[Chris]

So basically I have decided the English are geniuses or drunks; either way, I’m a fan and we’re going to get along fine, just fine.

That is, once I’ve gotten over my impotent rage which stems from the bad news: they have no liquid coffee creamer. Rupert and I scoured the entire refrigerated dairy section and in fact every section in the entire building, and no Coffeemate Hazelnut Creamer or any variation thereof. Making the situation even more frightening and confusing, do you know what else we couldn’t find in the entire gigantic grocery store? Half-n-half or anything remotely resembling it. We already knew that at restaurants, you get milk with your coffee and you LIKE IT OR TOUGH SHIT, but we’d been holding out hope that at least a huge grocery would have something for us besides that shitty powdered crap. Our hope was misplaced.

Other things we couldn’t find in Tesco in the hour we wandered around:

Paper plates or disposable cups
Any brand of tortilla chips
Queso cheese
Sliced hard cheese
Any sliced lunch meat besides ham
…and worst worst WORST of all: salsa.

I may have missed it and I’m hoping some UK-dweller will comment and tell me where the salsa is hidden in the Tesco, or where I can buy salsa, or how to live without salsa in general because right now I feel like crying. Although I’m not sure I want whatever salsa I might find. Last night at the hotel restaurant, I ordered the nachos, which featured a big pile of “zesty salsa.” HEH. That’s funny. Picture in your mind’s eye ketchup with a few tiny bits of diced onion and you have the “zesty salsa.”

But I am not complaining. Just grieving the loss of creamer and salsa. Thing is, I know for a fact there are a thousand delicious foodstuffs here that I just haven’t discovered yet, and if I have to live without real salsa or coffee creamer for a few years, I won’t die. It already feels balanced because have you ever tasted what they call “bacon” over here? Holy shit people. It makes our bacon in the States look like crispy dog turds and I’m not joking. It’s cut thick like ham, and is very juicy and fatty and downright nom-nom-nom.

http://www.rachellucas.com/index.php/2009/02/17/no-salsa-for-you/

[RobJohnson]

HA! What the heck do they snack on?

[SSG Snuggle Bunny]

Sounds like a capitalist venture waiting to happen.

Maybe we could sell them toothbrushes while we're at it.

[asdf2231]

They do GREAT breakfast though!

The bacon thing was dead on and a "Traditional" english breakfast is a giant square of it, a grilled tomato, a breakfast sausage the size of a Brat, an egg running with the butter it was fried in and a small portion of baked beans.

[Thor]

Never been to England, but I've been around the world. There was a Mexican place in Hong Kong, called Chico's & Charlie's . It was surprisingly good.

[asdf2231]

I repeat:
 

[Wineslob]

Man, if you came up with a good Hispanic store or restaurant over there, you'd make a killing.

[Thor]

I would only move to England IF I could keep my guns & ammo.......

[Miss Mia]

I repeat:
 

That looks good. 


Chris, H5 that's a hilarious blog!

[NHSparky]

They do GREAT breakfast though!

The bacon thing was dead on and a "Traditional" english breakfast is a giant square of it, a grilled tomato, a breakfast sausage the size of a Brat, an egg running with the butter it was fried in and a small portion of baked beans.

Sadly, their dinners suck.  Our first time in London, we ate at the Hard Rock TWICE that week.  Good quality places for dinner were few and far between.

[Wineslob]

Sadly, their dinners suck.  Our first time in London, we ate at the Hard Rock TWICE that week.  Good quality places for dinner were few and far between.

As a teenager (1973) I was able to go on a 3 week vacation in Europe. Everywhere, EXCEPT England, the food was great. In England it was so bland you coulden't put enough s&p on it. We ended up going to "ethnic" restaurants. I don't know if it's still the same?

[NHSparky]

As a teenager (1973) I was able to go on a 3 week vacation in Europe. Everywhere, EXCEPT England, the food was great. In England it was so bland you coulden't put enough s&p on it. We ended up going to "ethnic" restaurants. I don't know if it's still the same?

At most restaurants, yes--at least it was the last time I was there in 2006.  A few places spice/season their food well, but they're mostly higher end restaurants.

[bijou]

It's a great blog she has, big props to Servonaut for introducing me to it. However, I am surprised that in Tesco she couldn't find disposable cups and plates, although if she was using a smaller branch they may not have had them in stock since the main party season in Christmas and it is a bit cold for outdoor eating. But my local supermarket has disposable cups and plates.  

Tortilla chips; that I find that impossible to believe, Tescos have both Doritos and their own brand of tortilla chips on sale. Similarly the sliced cheese and lunch meat, if it is not sold in a pack there will be a deli counter.

Queso cheese; I don't know what that is so I don't know if it is sold under another name.

Salsa she would have found somewhere near the tortilla chips (although it would be in a jar as there seems to be little demand for chilled salsa, people either eat the name brand stuff in jars or make it fresh).

There are some hispanic stores, but the bulk of Hispanic people here are actually Spanish and Spanish food and ingredients are found in most if not all supermarkets. Only this evening did I buy some chorizo picante.    If you want spicier food here you are more likely to go for Indian or Turkish food if you want Hispanic/Iberian/Latin American food we have some Mexican food outlets, but rather more Spanish/Portuguese/Brazilian/Columbian places, for geographical reasons we have very few Mexicans so very little base demand for an extensive selection of authentic Mexican places as opposed to Spanish style tapas bars.

[Miss Mia]

Tortilla chips; that I find that impossible to believe, Tescos have both Doritos and their own brand of tortilla chips on sale. Similarly the sliced cheese and lunch meat, if it is not sold in a pack there will be a deli counter.

Not Doritos, but Tostitos. 

Queso cheese; I don't know what that is so I don't know if it is sold under another name.

I'm assuming she meant like Velveeta.  And I would think that would be clearly American.  Who else would be processed cheese?

[bijou]

Not Doritos, but Tostitos. 

I'm assuming she meant like Velveeta.  And I would think that would be clearly American.  Who else would be processed cheese?

I haven't seen Tostitos on sale but having seen the picture we have that type of snack under different names, although they will be less easy to find than Doritos. Velveeta isn't widely on sale, I assume you'd have to go to a retailer that sold imported American products, but if all you wanted was yellowish easy to melt, cheese food product then you can buy that although it would be in a chiller cabinet with the sandwich fillings.

[asdf2231]

Queso cheese; I don't know what that is so I don't know if it is sold under another name.
 

Queso is a form of Salsa that has cheese mixed into it.  Think process liquid chedder with salsa bit in it.

[franksolich]

I repeat:
 

Well now, that makes me nostalgic; I ate plenty of breakfasts exactly like that in rustic out-of-the-way bread-and-breakfasts, places far off the beaten tourist track.

It looks exactly like the photograph; the eggs, tomatoes, and bacon.

However I never touched the brown things on the left.

Also, the toast is missing.  Only the English can make cold toast taste good.

Really.

[asdf2231]

Well now, that makes me nostalgic; I ate plenty of breakfasts exactly like that in rustic out-of-the-way bread-and-breakfasts, places far off the beaten tourist track.

It looks exactly like the photograph; the eggs, tomatoes, and bacon.

However I never touched the brown things on the left.

Also, the toast is missing.  Only the English can make cold toast taste good.

Really.

The toast is under the egg with some lovely cheese melted over it.

That picture looked so good that I made a lunch today that substituted spam for english back bacon but was otherwise identical.

I'm a happy man right now.

[bijou]

At most restaurants, yes--at least it was the last time I was there in 2006.  A few places spice/season their food well, but they're mostly higher end restaurants.

Where were you staying? Because if you had returned to London in 2006  and couldn't find a restaurant to suit you simply weren't trying.

[Wineslob]

At most restaurants, yes--at least it was the last time I was there in 2006.  A few places spice/season their food well, but they're mostly higher end restaurants.

No wonder dorks like Jamie Oliver are a big hit. 

[franksolich]

The toast is under the egg with some lovely cheese melted over it.

That picture looked so good that I made a lunch today that substituted spam for english back bacon but was otherwise identical.

I'm a happy man right now.

The other thing with me was that I wouldn't put orange marmalade on the cold toast unless there was mold on top of the marmalade.

By the time I first got to England as a teenager, Europe on $25 a Day was the standard, but I used an earlier edition, from the early 1960s, Europe on $5 a Day, and as incredible as it may sound, it was still possible, but one had to be sharp.

About two-thirds of the bed-and-breakfasts where I stayed were in dingy grey industrial areas, in cities most tourists didn't visit.  And as I always went in winter, the lack of heat, central or otherwise, was taken for granted.

Believe it or not, I actually had a good time, a great time, and met so many interesting people who enriched my life.

on edit: of course the Europe-on-$5-a-day thing was rather outdated and some information long ago obsolete when I used it, and prices had gone up, but as the places listed in the older book were no longer hip, cool, trendy, with it, prices hadn't gone up nearly as much, as in the more-popular places.

[Thor]

Doritos and Tostitos are NOT tortilla chips!!!!!!!!!!!  that is all......

[RobJohnson]

Sounds like a capitalist venture waiting to happen.

Maybe we could sell them toothbrushes while we're at it.

....& razors for women.

[RobJohnson]

I repeat:
 

Looks like some type of Eggs Benedict on a split open hot dog bun.

[Servonaut]

It's a great blog she has, big props to Servonaut for introducing me to it. However, I am surprised that in Tesco she couldn't find disposable cups and plates, although if she was using a smaller branch they may not have had them in stock since the main party season in Christmas and it is a bit cold for outdoor eating. But my local supermarket has disposable cups and plates.  

Tortilla chips; that I find that impossible to believe, Tescos have both Doritos and their own brand of tortilla chips on sale. Similarly the sliced cheese and lunch meat, if it is not sold in a pack there will be a deli counter.

Queso cheese; I don't know what that is so I don't know if it is sold under another name.

Salsa she would have found somewhere near the tortilla chips (although it would be in a jar as there seems to be little demand for chilled salsa, people either eat the name brand stuff in jars or make it fresh).

There are some hispanic stores, but the bulk of Hispanic people here are actually Spanish and Spanish food and ingredients are found in most if not all supermarkets. Only this evening did I buy some chorizo picante.    If you want spicier food here you are more likely to go for Indian or Turkish food if you want Hispanic/Iberian/Latin American food we have some Mexican food outlets, but rather more Spanish/Portuguese/Brazilian/Columbian places, for geographical reasons we have very few Mexicans so very little base demand for an extensive selection of authentic Mexican places as opposed to Spanish style tapas bars.

Thank You bijou, it was my pleasure.