I'm being bullied at work

[dutch508]

XanaDUer2 (1,302 posts)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100215252520

I'm being bullied at work

I hope I can post this here. I want the widest group of opinions, since this is making me sick and I have no one to talk to about it other than my shrink.

I suffer from bipolar and extreme anxiety and depression. I work in a white-collar service industry. We have one workroom, where we all sit and you can see and hear each other. I am the oldest person at my location. The bully is a few years younger. I'm 55. The bully is the wife of a local politician.

I was moved to the location to avoid stress at my previous location, due to constant violence and harassment by the public (not just me, other staff, esp female, also subjected to it). I've been out on FMLA twice here in 8.5 years, I am considering going out again. [The Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993 is a United States labor law requiring covered employers to provide employees with job-protected and unpaid leave for qualified medical and family reasons.] The work situation, aside from the bully, is very stressful anyway.

The first time I was formally introduced to the bully, she says in front of everyone, "Why are you here?". She has yelled at me in front of her boss (!). She has yelled at and gotten aggressive with other staff, but she really hates me. Her opinion is that I am not working hard enough. She will stand in the center of the workroom and announce that not everyone works hard there. I suspect she is negatively gossiping about me to other staff. I am pretty sure, however, they don't want to get involved with that, but they joke around with her other times. Maybe everyone is scared of her. The worst thing she ever did was, during an all-staff meeting with the director of our division, she raised her hand and announced that I and (insert other staff member) don't know enough about what was going on there. I cried publicly. She frankly, seems to be suffering from stress and anxiety herself, but I don't care at this point.

I have spoken to her boss a few times, and I like her boss very much. I believe she has spoken to her. However, she now has the attitude that I should confront this woman myself. I don't want to. My shrink says I have to protect myself and to document everything, including witnesses, from hereonin, and that I have to protect myself. I dread our meetings, not knowing what she'll say. This is really affecting my life.

Our personnel policy has an anti-bullying policy. This woman's MO, and her boss admitted she's passive-aggressive, is to make a pronouncement in the middle of the room like, "Some people don't work hard here." I am at a higher level than she is, and there are things I have to do that involve culling statistics, employee evaluation, etc. so I am doing at-my-desk things she, at a clerk level, is not responsible for.

I have never worked in such a toxic environment, but I was moved here and don't want to move again. I am getting to the point that if she is worse, I go to HR since I feel her boss does not want to deal with her. Her husband, the local pol, is awful a lot of the time, too. And I voted for this asshole twice.

More than this has happened, and this is just the highlights so you get the atmosphere. I wear earphones to keep her voice out; she;s extremely loud. I turn the music up high. I'm trying to ignore it, but it's triggering anxiety in me that I feel on days off. I miss a lot of work. Ignoring it may be making it worse.

I have a good working relationship with her boss, and I don't want to ruin it. I just don't know what to do. Friends who have quit but worked with her tell me she's crazy and a bully. Hope I get SSDI.

 

Star Member thucythucy (5,700 posts)

99. It could be the bully's husband has some clout with the company.

Just a guess, but that's what it sounds like to me.

All the advice here is good. Document everything! Send memos about the incidents to the company HR office. If you can afford it, consult an attorney.

In addition, if your medical issues are documented, you may have some coverage under the Americans with Disabilities Act. It's a long shot, but it's worth a look. If there's a Center for Independent Living in your area or relatively, give them a call and ask for advice. A note of caution: these days "independent living" has been coopted by chain nursing homes and such. An actual Center for Independent Living is a non-profit dedicated to providing supports for people with disabilities. They do NOT provide nursing home placements and such. You'll be able to tell the difference when you go to the particular website. They might be able to turn you on to a support group for people with bi-polar or other similar issues. This probably won't do anything to help with the bullying, but community is always a good thing in times like these.

I'm so sad to hear about your situation. All it takes is one bully to wreck a person's sense of well being and worth.

Good luck with this, and if you're up for it touch bases here on what's happening.

Best wishes.

Deuxcents (1,467 posts)

5. Bullies are cowards

That’s not a bumper sticker..it is the truth. Document. Document. Document. Date, time, any witnesses, brief description. Keep your earbuds on n smile while yo ur write. Take your document for the day with you when you leave your desk, go to lunch, etc. be discreet n tell no one your plan. A little notepad you can keep in your pocket or purse. This person will cross the line..they usually do n you’ll have your documents for her transfer or goodbye party. Hang in there. Breathe n keep your eye on the prize..the demise of this person from your workplace. Don’t cry! Be strong. I had a Union for 35 years of employment n that’s the lessons taught..you obviously are on your own. You can do it .. remember..the bigger they are, the harder they fall!

XanaDUer2 (1,302 posts)

14. Her husband is a local big wig with lots of power and influence. I'm screwed. This is why she can say what she wants

Buckeye_Democrat (10,857 posts)

26. There was a woman like that at my previous job.

I was warned about her repeatedly during my training, and I downplayed it because I can get along with almost anyone. Well, I was wrong. There was no pleasing her. She never apologized for her own shortcomings, but always kept her focus on criticizing others.

I finally noticed that she liked one of the production workers, but he was similarly always judgmental.

What amazed me were the past stories about her, and that she was never fired for them. Our boss was terrified of her. She had supposedly even banged on his locked office door and demanded that he come out to talk to her immediately, while also calling him a coward.

So pretty much everyone there just accepted that she was untouchable for whatever reason. She had lots of seniority, having worked there for over 25 years since she graduated from high school, so that probably explained it. (And her experience was very helpful at times, with her recognizing an unusual problem that hadn't been observed in several years. It didn't happen often, but I'll give credit where it's due.)

If she ever loses that job, she'll likely get fired very fast elsewhere.

By the way, sorry about your situation! If complaints don't help you, you might want to quietly seek employment elsewhere.

 

Star Member luckone (20,918 posts)

30. the middle of the room like, "Some people don't work hard here." I am at a higher level than she is

Well then I would reply “and some people waste time standing up in the middle of the room to talk about it “
maybe her boss is hoping you can shut her down
if you are higher up than her and her boss gets along with you why should you leave or care ?
maybe consider the woman a pest you need to shoo away like a flea or fly in the office I would not give her much space in your head

You know what’s coming in the meetings with her so expect her asshole appearance but don’t let some clerk color your day

This is the DU member formerly known as lunasun.

XanaDUer2 (1,302 posts)

32. Thanks

I'm trying but due to some emotional issues, I have a hard time

 

Star Member JI7 (83,728 posts)

42. Is everyone there afraid of the local politician ?

It seems like her boss agrees and sympathizes with you but is too scared to do anything .

Now, this is a politician that the DUmpmonkie voted for twice, hence, a Democrat Pol...

XanaDUer2 (1,302 posts)

47. yes, he's on our work screensavers

I feel surrounded. He has a special interest in our division, too, funding wise. He's bragged to me, bumped up against me, told me he made the director buy something, it's a nightmare. Thus my taking fmla

 

Oneironaut (3,837 posts)

75. Imho, she's the problem, sure, but that sounds like a shitty place to work overall.

Your boss says it's your problem? Ummm... This is exactly the type of thing your boss should be helping with.

Can you maybe look for another job? Reach out to recruiters? If you go to HR, they most likely won't give a shit (HR is there to protect the company and prevent lawsuits). I would seriously consider it for your mental health.

PS - Her boss sounds like a timid idiot, or just doesn't care. Seems like a common trend at your company.

Star Member I_UndergroundPanther (5,058 posts)

89. Narcissists live to make others suffer

We gotta do something to contain these narcissists and keep them away from any power or pretense of power. These abusive people are a plague.

 

[67 Rover]

XanaDUer2 (1,302 posts)
Hope I get SSDI.

I was waiting for this after reading just the first two sentences and sorry to say I was not wrong about this DUmmie's motive.   

[SVPete]

Did any DUpipo notice this contradiction?

I was moved to the location to avoid stress at my previous location ...

and

I have never worked in such a toxic environment ...

XanaDUer2's unloading sounds too outlandish to be other than a rehearsal for some sort of application for disability. Maybe (s)he hopes some DU-member(s) will call out contradictions and implausibilities that need improving.

[franksolich]

I don't want to seem unkind, because actually I'm a nice guy, but I was struck by the primitive's description of the physical environment of her job--one large room, everybody working in it, everybody working out in full view of everybody else, unprofessional and amateurish interaction among the staff.

And although the primitive doesn't say so, the murmur-hum-hum-drone-drone-drone and muted squibble-squabble overhanging the large room as if a light fog.

It seems to me this is one of those make-work enterprises for the mentally-challenged, such as stuffing monthly electric bills into envelopes or doling out 100 paper clips each into little boxes.

[Drafe Hoblin]

Troll-drama.

I imagine overall, DU has a dubious reputation on the web for falling-to-pieces over anything.  -The winner of the Patsy Cline Award for several years running.

[DLR Pyro]

Google the term "professional victim" and you will be directed to XanaDUer2's DU profile page.

[BadCat]

I don't want to seem unkind, because actually I'm a nice guy, but I was struck by the primitive's description of the physical environment of her job--one large room, everybody working in it, everybody working out in full view of everybody else, unprofessional and amateurish interaction among the staff.

And although the primitive doesn't say so, the murmur-hum-hum-drone-drone-drone and muted squibble-squabble overhanging the large room as if a light fog.

It seems to me this is one of those make-work enterprises for the mentally-challenged, such as stuffing monthly electric bills into envelopes or doling out 100 paper clips each into little boxes.

Yeah, and this seems rather Orwellian...

. yes, he's on our work screensavers

[Ralph Wiggum]

Did any DUpipo notice this contradiction?

and

XanaDUer2's unloading sounds too outlandish to be other than a rehearsal for some sort of application for disability. Maybe (s)he hopes some DU-member(s) will call out contradictions and implausibilities that need improving.

Makes one wonder if the person causing the "caustic and traumatic conditions" is not this DUmmy themselves.

[SVPete]

Makes one wonder if the person causing the "caustic and traumatic conditions" is not this DUmmy themselves.

IRL, it is very plausible that the DU-member is a misfit who cannot fit anywhere and makes up harassment claims to cover up what they are.