cooking and baking primitives discuss dinners from Hell

[franksolich]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=236x47688

Oh my.

This actually should be in the recipes forum here, but I'm too lazy to drag it over there.

First, the diet cola primitive:

Tab  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Sat Aug-09-08 11:12 PM
Original message

Dinners from hell?
   
There is a classic story in my family - my aunt was making Thanksgiving dinner, and she's not that much of a cook (althouogh she means well), and I guess trussed up the turkey too tight, probably with stuffing, and upon checking it blew turkey chunks all over the kitchen - ceiling, everything. A lesson in physics, I presume, and container pressure, but it didn't make the day. I have no idea what they ended up eating, but I doubt it was turkey chunks.

I think I have my own memories, but have thankfully relegated them to oblivion.

Hekate  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Tue Aug-12-08 04:40 AM
Response to Original message

1. 'Nuther turkey story...
   
Sally, a friend of my mom's, had the thawed turkey out on the work table. When she turned back to it she saw the cat's tail waving out of it -- the silly kitty had managed to get itself entirely into the bird's cavity.

As Julia Child so aptly said when she dropped a leg of lamb in front of a tv camera, "You are *alone* in the kitchen."

badgerpup  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Tue Aug-12-08 08:09 PM
Response to Original message

2. You MUST have a mishap during a Thanksgiving family dinner.
   
It's in the basic laws of the universe. Best way to handle this is to have a small one every year; e.g., the drain in the kitchen sink gets stopped up*, or somebody accidently drops one of the pies on the floor sort of thing- but it's got to be accidental. 'Accidently-on-purpose' doesn't count.

This way, the mishap pressure doesn't build up, and you don't end up with three or four "oopsie-free" years...but then follow up with one really huge or tragic situation.

At least that's MHO...

*had this happen...plumber was very nice about being called away from his own turkey dinner, even though he did charge holiday rates.

Sent him home with a bottle of homemade wine...

yellowdogintexas  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Thu Aug-14-08 02:10 PM
Response to Reply #2

5. one of my double ovens died right in the middle of baking the hot rolls.
   
Fortunately the turkey was already cooked.

AZDemDist6  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Thu Aug-14-08 08:54 PM
Response to Reply #2

8. the first year the in-laws visited the new house in AZ I tried putting potato peels down the garbage disposal.

Not so good.

the men got the pipes all pulled apart as Mom-in-Law washed dishes in the bath tub then hubby got called out on a work emergency and FiL and I had to pull out the dishwasher and clear the pipes. my FiL is a dear, but was getting a bit 'vague' by then.

It took a while......

pengillian101  Donating Member  (152 posts) Tue Aug-12-08 10:00 PM
Response to Original message

3. Turkey Popcorn Stuffing**
   
4 eggs
4 c bread cubes
2 c chopped celery
1/2 package of onion soup mix
1 c uncooked popcorn
seasonings of your choice

Beat the eggs well and add all of the other ingredients. Stuff it into the cavity of the turkey and place the turkey into a roasting pan. Bake at 375 for 3 hours.

When 3 hours are up, get the hell out of the kitchen because that stuffing is going to blow the turkey’s ass right out of the oven.

** Don’t try this at home!!

wryter2000  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Thu Aug-14-08 07:48 PM
Response to Original message

6. My birthday from hell
   
My stepson decided to make me breakfast in bed. He scrambled some eggs and dumped a can of Veg-All into them. I could barely gag them down.

My hubby decided to make dinner...roast beef and mashed potatoes. He cooked the roast into leather. He asked for instructions on making the potatoes. I told him to peel them, cut them into large pieces, cover them with water, and boil until they were tender. Then, before he asked for more instructions, he mashed the potatoes into the water. He tried pouring as much water as he could off, but it was like watery gruel. Again, I choked it down.

What can you do when they mean well?

I dunno.  franksolich had one dinner disaster in his life, when he fixed spaghetti for a bunch of women friends in college, and the noodles stuck.  One of the women suggested that one add some butter to the boiling water when boiling the noodles, and that would keep them from sticking together.

That's the only dinner disaster I've ever had.

[Carl]

Tab  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Sat Aug-09-08 11:12 PM
Original message

Dinners from hell?
   
There is a classic story in my family - my aunt was making Thanksgiving dinner, and she's not that much of a cook (althouogh she means well), and I guess trussed up the turkey too tight, probably with stuffing, and upon checking it blew turkey chunks all over the kitchen - ceiling, everything. A lesson in physics, I presume, and container pressure, but it didn't make the day. I have no idea what they ended up eating, but I doubt it was turkey chunks.

I think I have my own memories, but have thankfully relegated them to oblivion.

I won`t pretend to be a great cook but can take care of myself....still though I can`t imagine how something like that could happen.

[comradebillyboy]

Tab  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Sat Aug-09-08 11:12 PM
Original message

Dinners from hell?
   
There is a classic story in my family - my aunt was making Thanksgiving dinner, and she's not that much of a cook (althouogh she means well), and I guess trussed up the turkey too tight, probably with stuffing, and upon checking it blew turkey chunks all over the kitchen - ceiling, everything. A lesson in physics, I presume, and container pressure, but it didn't make the day. I have no idea what they ended up eating, but I doubt it was turkey chunks.

I think I have my own memories, but have thankfully relegated them to oblivion.

I won`t pretend to be a great cook but can take care of myself....still though I can`t imagine how something like that could happen.

A novice cook can avoid most of these problems by simply reading and following the directions for the recipe in a cook book.

[Vagabond]

A newlywed vagabond almost set the kitchen on fire trying to fry chicken.

Now my chicken is pretty good, but that first try was rough.

[Chris]

I had to cook dinner at 13 as punishment once.  it was spaghetti.  I put a pot of cold water and pasta on the stovetop and turned it on 'Hi'.  Burned the pot, the pasta, and the water.  The pasta fused to the bottom of the pot like concrete.  I think we had to throw the pot away because we couldn't get it clean.

My cooking has improved quite a bit since then.

[LC EFA]

I think the worst cooking disaster was the night that I discovered habeneros.

I'd made this nice bean and meat dish, and being a fan of spicy food put in a few of these "new" habenero things that I'd bought from the supermarket earlier in the day. A few meaning 5 or 6 of em. Roughly chopped and not de-seeded.  I was accustomed to using a handfull of the Asian chilies I grow and figured the "Extremely hot" on the packet of habeneros was just a marketing ploy.
 
Well.

It hurt less eating it than it did to ... well you probably get the idea.

[Chris]

 

I tried to duplicate a jerk chicken recipe from a restaurant I worked in.  Liquid jerk seasoning, jerk spice, allspice, and water as a marinade.  I put in too much jerk spice.  Oh, man, it was a solid lump.  In my defense, I was accustomed to making five gallons of marinade at a time. 

[BlueStateSaint]

Ya know, waking up and having a good laugh is one of life's finer pleasures.  LC, that one is worth a H5.  Also, this one, by a DUmmy, is good:

pengillian101  Donating Member  (152 posts) Tue Aug-12-08 10:00 PM
Response to Original message

3. Turkey Popcorn Stuffing**
   
4 eggs
4 c bread cubes
2 c chopped celery
1/2 package of onion soup mix
1 c uncooked popcorn
seasonings of your choice

Beat the eggs well and add all of the other ingredients. Stuff it into the cavity of the turkey and place the turkey into a roasting pan. Bake at 375 for 3 hours.

When 3 hours are up, get the hell out of the kitchen because that stuffing is going to blow the turkey’s ass right out of the oven.

** Don’t try this at home!!

[NHSparky]

Tab  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Sat Aug-09-08 11:12 PM
Original message

Dinners from hell?
   
There is a classic story in my family - my aunt was making Thanksgiving dinner, and she's not that much of a cook (althouogh she means well), and I guess trussed up the turkey too tight, probably with stuffing, and upon checking it blew turkey chunks all over the kitchen - ceiling, everything. A lesson in physics, I presume, and container pressure, but it didn't make the day. I have no idea what they ended up eating, but I doubt it was turkey chunks.

I think I have my own memories, but have thankfully relegated them to oblivion.

I won`t pretend to be a great cook but can take care of myself....still though I can`t imagine how something like that could happen.

Microwaving the turkey?