http://sync.democraticunderground.com/1018893050Oh my.
mopinko (46,040 posts) Tue Sep 6, 2016, 12:20 PM
how old were you when you forgave your parents?
most of us have wounds from our childhood, i think. probably most of us hated one or both of them as teens.
i know i didnt really make peace w my dad for his failings (he was an alcoholic) until i was 60 yo.
forgave my mom a lot quicker, because it was my dad i was actually pissed at. i just blamed her for him.
how about you?
I already know how the thread's gonna go; all the primitives had really bad, really lousy, parents.
It's very odd that no primitive seems to have had good parents.
One might argue, well, that's why they're primitives; they had crummy parents.
Uh, no.
All of franksolich's older brothers and sisters had good parents, wonderful parents, but then they turned out Democrats, liberals, and hippies anyway.
True Dough (652 posts) Tue Sep 6, 2016, 01:03 PM
1. For me it was quite the opposite
I think I was in my late 20s when it dawned on me just how many sacrifices my parents made for my sister and I. There were so many things I just expected and took for granted as a child and a teenager. I had no idea of the things that they deprived themselves of in order to afford brand-name clothes, extra-curricular memberships, toys and games and on and on. They managed to keep finances in check on my dad's modest military income but usually gave us what we wanted, always what we needed. There weren't many "extras" at all for themselves.
I don't know why they didn't say "No" more often. I guess their gratification came from seeing us happy.
Fortunately I landed a good job and held it for about 15 years. With all the money I was making I was able to repay them in many ways with gifts they enjoyed, and, just as importantly, I told them on several occasions that I truly appreciated and was in awe of their selfless nature. Mom is gone now, she died almost three years ago. She gave so much, for more than material objects, and taught me a lot. I can never put a value on it.
femmocrat (23,508 posts) Tue Sep 6, 2016, 01:27 PM
2. Nothing to forgive.
They did the best they could and worked hard to give us a good life and education.
Ooops. This thread isn't going the way I thought it would.
Fla Dem (6,642 posts) Tue Sep 6, 2016, 01:56 PM
3. For me they need no forgiveness. They loved us, we loved them and now miss them.
I'm sorry you had a difficult childhood. I know there are many who were and are in your situation. Abusive relationships are a terrible life for a spouse and especially for a child. I hope your wounds have healed and you are content with the life you are living and if you had children, it influenced you to bring them up in a loving home.
But not to worry; Big Mo's gonna get the thread on track, the way it's supposed to go.
mopinko (46,040 posts) Tue Sep 6, 2016, 02:59 PM
6. did have kids and did my best.
so different from the life i had. but not good enough, apparently.
Hmmm. Maybe not; thus far Big Mo's the only one bitching about her parents, God rest their souls.
cwydro (23,296 posts) Tue Sep 6, 2016, 02:32 PM
4. My parents did everything they could for us.
I'm just happy they forgave ME for my teenage years.
Sanity Claws (15,344 posts) Tue Sep 6, 2016, 02:46 PM
5. Wow
I admire the other posters who were far more emotionally mature than I. Forgiveness for me went in stages. My best estimate is that I was 40 or so when I forgave my mother. I was even older when I forgave my father. In fact it may still be a work in progress.
Big Mo's disappointed the thread isn't going the way she and franksolich thought it would.
mopinko (46,040 posts) Tue Sep 6, 2016, 03:01 PM
8. thank you. i had a feeling
that i would get a lot of posts like the above, and few like yours.
which is odd considering how much parent bashing goes on around here, but......
Sanity Claws (15,344 posts) Tue Sep 6, 2016, 03:14 PM
12. Maybe my situation was different from theirs
My mother died when I was 13. I felt so abandoned. I put up a brave front but I was an emotional cripple. My father had nothing to offer me, no kindness, warmth, nothing. It took me some time to realize that he was not capable of more. From that realization, I was able to start the process of forgiveness.
mopinko (46,040 posts) Tue Sep 6, 2016, 03:17 PM
14. i have been known to say
that you become an adult the day you release your parents were mere mortals.
as a mom, i gave it my all. there just wasnt all that much all there.
Tikki (11,816 posts) Tue Sep 6, 2016, 03:00 PM
7. Around age 28....when I finally realized I had outgrown....
my need to make her approve of my choices.
mopinko (46,040 posts) Tue Sep 6, 2016, 03:04 PM
9. yeah, the clothes thing
my mom always hated my second hand clothes, and my buzz cut hair.
but ya know, i saved the money that would have gone into impressing other people. and boy am i glad i did.
which, oddly, she would appreciate, but now she is gone.
i had my divorce party on my mom's birthday. told the assembled that my mom was not very impressed w my life, but if she got a look at my divorce settlement, all would be forgiven.
so i do feel posthumously loved.
Oh Big Mo, don't be that way.
You know we all love you, right here and now.
Tikki (11,816 posts) Tue Sep 6, 2016, 03:16 PM
13. Moms can be short-sited....
Mine was eternally angry because I married before the child support agreement she had with my absentee father ran out...
She loved that check and all.
Blue_Tires (45,703 posts) Tue Sep 6, 2016, 03:07 PM
10. I never blamed them for anything??
The question you SHOULD be asking me is "How old was I when I forgave myself?"
And I cannot answer because I have not ever forgiven myself.
Star Member mopinko (46,040 posts) Tue Sep 6, 2016, 03:08 PM
11. i was almost there.
then i had kids of my own.
Iggo (32,583 posts) Tue Sep 6, 2016, 04:35 PM
15. It was between me and my Mom. And I was in my late twenties. And it was mutual.
OriginalGeek (9,097 posts) Tue Sep 6, 2016, 04:49 PM
16. speaking of grave-dancing
just waiting for my step-asshole to croak. I'll have a bladder full for the occasion. I hope I have to wait through a slow and painful exit.
The last 10 years of her life mom and I came to a good place. I was in my early 40s. I also blamed her for leaving my dad marrying him but we got past that. If she hadn't died of cancer first I think I might have talked her into leaving him. The mom I remember from before step-asshole and the one who I knew the last ten years is the one I chose to remember. Lots to forget in between.
My dad died knowing my full love and admiration and I miss him dearly. But I still have his dad - my grandpa just turned 95 and is an inspiration to me and my children. I called him late last night to so we could celebrate FSU's great comeback victory against Ole Miss. There are very few things in this world that make me happier than hearing my grandpa laugh. It happens less often since grandma died but it still happens often enough.
In_The_Wind (67,545 posts) Tue Sep 6, 2016, 05:06 PM
17. I forgave my dad too late to say goodbye. He passed away when I was 24.
I still haven't found a way to forgive my mother for leaving when I was a baby. She never called or sent a card.
Dad was an alcoholic. He tried but he wasn't able to stop until he was in his late 40's. Poor guy really tried to love me the best way he knew how but both of my stepmothers were jealous of his love for me and they gave him hell.
Being an only child is lonely when there is no one there to hold you ... ever.
mopinko (46,040 posts) Tue Sep 6, 2016, 05:27 PM
18. ugh. parental jealousy.
happens in intact families, too.
ex resented the kids quite a bit really.
i never could stand the idea of having one child. my sibs saved me. in spite of the normal sibling rivalry, i always had someone to go to.
