<<<just got in; the Top DUmmies to resume here later today, as soon as I get my head collected and all ducks in a row. Until that happens, I'll write instead about my own Christmas dinner tragedy.
Because I'd bought one crockpot--with a removeable bowl for cleaning--as a Christmas present from the hardware store in town, the owner of the store wrapped and gave me a second crockpot--with a removeable bowl for cleaning--as a present from her.
She's very nice and very aesthetic; she lacks only dark brown hair, rather than the blonde hair she has, to be ideal. She's in her late 30s, and maybe perhaps a little severe-looking, but that heightens her angular features.
So I figured I'd make beef stew for Christmas supper, having already chowed down with the neighbor and his family for Christmas dinner circa noon.
And so I did, but it turned out bland-tasting.
Now, making beef stew from scratch, from leftovers and odds-and-ends, is pretty much a crap game; it turns out differently every time. I've been making beef stew since I've been on my own as a teenager, and one's never turned out the same as any of the other ones.
But this batch was peculiarly bland. I figured it was because of the seasonings.
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This morning, when I was in the big city, I stopped at a grocery store there. There's two great big huge new modern state-of-the-art grocery stores in the big city, but I don't like to walk the length of a football field just to get a gallon of milk, and so I shop at the much smaller store where the Country Club set shops, like Ms. Vanderbilt-Astor, the NJ Cher primitive, rubbing elbows with people definitely not the
hoi polloi.
It's more expensive, but at least one doesn't have to lug hiking-and-camping gear to shop there.
While I was in the aisle where the canned, already-prepared, beef stew was, and perusing the label on one to determine what seasonings were used in it, a woman looking very much like Nancy Reagan at 40, ultra-slim waist and all that, besides well-dressed, passed me with her cart, and I suddenly got an idea.
When she stopped to look at something, I pulled up alongside her, and said, "You know, you look like somebody who's made beef stew from scratch"--she nodded her head, smiling--"and I'd like your advice and counsel."
I told her about the problem, and she asked, "Well, what seasonings did you put in it?"
The usual, I said; "Salt, pepper, onion salt--I won't have onions in
my stew--and paprika."
A second woman, looking very much as Alice Montagu-Douglas-Scott had looked at 40, had stopped, and overheard our conversation. "You put
paprika in beef stew?"
Of course, I said; I've always put paprika in beef stew, as one's supposed to.
Both women looked at me as if I were Bozo from Outer Space.
"One's supposed to put paprika in beef stew," I said; "doesn't everybody?"
A third woman, looking very much as Katharine Hepburn had looked at 40, shook her head. "I've never heard of it," she said.
"Now come on," I replied; "I've been making beef stew from scratch since I was first on my own; I've made it from scratch for decades now, and have
always put paprika in it, a flat tablespoon of it."
"But why would you put paprika in beef stew?" the woman I'd originally approached, asked.
"I dunno," I said; probably the very first time in my life I made it, I consulted a cookbook, and it said to use a flat tablespoon of it. Since the ingredients of beef stew are pretty elementary and uncomplicated, I never bothered looking at a recipe for it after that first time, and just made it.
"Using paprika as one of the seasonings."
"Oh, but honey, one
never uses paprika in beef stew."
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Now, inevitably if a man brings three women together and gets them talking, he gets shoved out. I stood there for a while, watching as they discussed various methods of making beef stew.....but if any of them mentioned which seasonings they used, I didn't "catch" it.
I quietly slipped away, and found packages of what were identified as "beef stew seasoning mix," and took one, for ninety-nine cents.
When I got home, I examined the package for its list of ingredients, figuring seasonings would be itemized there.
Alas, other than the chemical ingredients, it said merely "seasonings and spices," without identifying them.
I fed the stew to the cats; there's plenty of good prime beef in it, and the vegetables won't hurt them.
