Post by: franksolich on December 20, 2014, 10:29:51 AM
Awardments are scheduled to end the afternoon of New Year's Eve, December 31, with awardment of the top two prizes, the franksolich and the big one, the most important one, the Top DUmmie, period, of 2014.
There's eleven days until then; seventeen awards.
<<<going to be busier than Sandra Fluke hopping around in the sack.
For now, I'm going to clear out the junk; the primitives who didn't make the cut.
But I'm not going to release all Top DUmmies 11-20 in one batch.
I'm going to release them one at a time in this thread.
And to motivate this thread--it's not really an award, after all--I'm going to hold back release of the next Top DUmmie 11-20, until at least three comments hurling insight or insults (it makes no difference which one) at the preceding primitive have been posted.
I'm away part of the day today (Saturday), so please consider that; after mid-afternoon today, I should be around.
Okay.
#20 Top DUmmie of 2014: Aerows
Have at her, folks, taunting her or consoling her (it makes no difference which one) after which I'll put up #19 Top DUmmie of 2014.
Post by: Chris_ on December 20, 2014, 11:12:44 AM
Post by: Ralph Wiggum on December 20, 2014, 11:42:39 AM
The voting was quite interesting, though. Thanks to everyone who took the time to nominate & vote all! It was kinda fun to tabulate.
Post by: BlueStateSaint on December 20, 2014, 11:56:48 AM
I thought that this little cupcake would be more than enough to put her into the Top 5:
(http://pixdaus.com/files/items/pics/3/64/172364_f0cb3debe45c47b5023cc5370424b05d_large.jpg)
(Can I get a recount?)
Post by: whiffleball on December 20, 2014, 12:03:15 PM
Post by: Carl on December 20, 2014, 12:07:14 PM
Post by: BattleHymn on December 20, 2014, 12:52:44 PM
(http://nomnommonster.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/animal-bite-head.jpg)
Post by: obumazombie on December 20, 2014, 01:47:42 PM
Post by: franksolich on December 20, 2014, 02:26:30 PM
Are there any nominees that didn't make it into the top 20? I admit, I haven't been following closely this year.
There were 45 nominations for the top DUmmies.
Post by: franksolich on December 20, 2014, 02:27:55 PM
Post by: BattleHymn on December 20, 2014, 02:41:04 PM
#19 Top DUmmie of 2014: darkangel218
I thought this idiot would have posted higher in the results. Apparently threatening to leave the DUmp, having nearly as many fake degrees as nads, and a republican boyfriend just isn't enough to place in the top ten.
Better luck next year, DUmbass!
Post by: franksolich on December 20, 2014, 02:52:10 PM
I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. And Frank would kill me for divulging the info.
The voting was quite interesting, though. Thanks to everyone who took the time to nominate & vote all! It was kinda fun to tabulate.
I'm thinking about maybe next year, closing nominations after the first 45, the way things worked out so excellently this year.
In previous years, there'd been 60, 70, 80 nominees, and I wonder if that vast number caused confusion in voters' minds.
So maybe it'd be better to have a "closing time" when a certain number's reached, than a calendar time.
Post by: tanstaafl on December 20, 2014, 04:01:49 PM
I thought this idiot would have posted higher in the results. Apparently threatening to leave the DUmp, having nearly as many fake degrees as nads, and a republican boyfriend just isn't enough to place in the top ten.The Dorkanglenumbers primitive, while putting out quality product, just wasn't productive enough. She really trailed off the righteous path during the critical pre- and post-election period. Thusly, I urge all DUmmies to step up the pitiful ranting, empty threats and general maudlining in the future if you want a tantalizing title courtesy of CC.
Better luck next year, DUmbass!
After all, there is the post-Holiday crying period for the DUmmies coming up a week from now.
Post by: obumazombie on December 20, 2014, 04:07:06 PM
The Dorkanglenumbers primitive, while putting out quality product, just wasn't productive enough. She really trailed off the righteous path during the critical pre- and post-election period. Thusly, I urge all DUmmies to step up the pitiful ranting, empty threats and general maudlining in the future if you want a tantalizing title courtesy of CC.
After all, there is the post-Holiday crying period for the DUmmies coming up a week from now.
So it's quality and quantity !
Post by: tanstaafl on December 20, 2014, 04:50:34 PM
So it's quality and quantity !
Yes.
And one is better than the other.
Post by: ChuckJ on December 20, 2014, 05:00:12 PM
I'm thinking about maybe next year, closing nominations after the first 45, the way things worked out so excellently this year.
In previous years, there'd been 60, 70, 80 nominees, and I wonder if that vast number caused confusion in voters' minds.
So maybe it'd be better to have a "closing time" when a certain number's reached, than a calendar time.
I can understand why having so many nominees would cause some confusion, but I think the best thing that could happen is that if the DUmmies would step up their game to make himself/herself/itself more memorable. The DUmmies must remember that when posting at DU just being standard nutty as a fruitcake isn't a guaranty for celebrity because DU is full of nuts. Just being a regular nut at DU is like being a grain of sand on a beach.
I would suggest that each DUmmie choose a particular trait, characteristic, etc and run with it. Below are some things that have worked in the past.
1-Be all knowing
2-Be a super soldier baddass
3-Be a home-made experiment engineer
4-Be a remote viewing cross-gendered animal (okay, maybe that's two characteristics)
5-Be a self-important writer who uses dots
6-Be a black guy who thinks he's suave and super smart
7-Hide a remote control
Post by: Tess Anderson on December 20, 2014, 05:33:31 PM
Post by: Mr Mannn on December 20, 2014, 06:22:13 PM
Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no bananaConsidering the primitives are a step below the missing link, denying them a banana is cruel and unusual punishment...I like it!
Post by: franksolich on December 20, 2014, 06:47:14 PM
Post by: Chris_ on December 20, 2014, 06:54:10 PM
#18 Top DUmmie of 2014: Omaha SteveBetter luck next year.
Oh, wait...
Post by: franksolich on December 20, 2014, 06:56:02 PM
Better luck next year.
Oh, wait...
You know the big guy's going to go to Lourdes, and come back proclaiming it's a miracle, he's been cured; I suspect that'll be enough to bounce him right back up next year.
Post by: ChuckJ on December 20, 2014, 07:07:23 PM
Post by: Chris_ on December 20, 2014, 07:13:08 PM
You know the big guy's going to go to Lourdes, and come back proclaiming it's a miracle, he's been cured; I suspect that'll be enough to bounce him right back up next year.Maybe he'll find some magical eddy in the Omaha sewer system that nobody knows about.
Post by: franksolich on December 20, 2014, 07:15:21 PM
I can understand why having so many nominees would cause some confusion, but I think the best thing that could happen is that if the DUmmies would step up their game to make himself/herself/itself more memorable. The DUmmies must remember that when posting at DU just being standard nutty as a fruitcake isn't a guaranty for celebrity because DU is full of nuts. Just being a regular nut at DU is like being a grain of sand on a beach.
You know, sir, next year I think I'll stress something about what one should do, when it comes to voting, but first I must say that this year's Top Ten is the most solid slate ever awarded, not an outlier in any of it.
It's a first-rate, top-notch, tip-top, first-class slate.
I think the best "strategy" for voting, especially if a ballot's long, is for one to first consider the primitives he remembers the most, and then check the ballot to see which ones are on it, voting accordingly.
Starting off by first looking at the list of nominees can get one mired down.
Post by: BlueStateSaint on December 20, 2014, 07:26:03 PM
You know, sir, next year I think I'll stress something about what one should do, when it comes to voting, but first I must say that this year's Top Ten is the most solid slate ever awarded, not an outlier in any of it.
It's a first-rate, top-notch, tip-top, first-class slate.
I think the best "strategy" for voting, especially if a ballot's long, is for one to first consider the primitives he remembers the most, and then check the ballot to see which ones are on it, voting accordingly.
Starting off by first looking at the list of nominees can get one mired down.
I think I had OS in my Top 10. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I did.
Post by: freedumb2003b on December 20, 2014, 07:28:53 PM
Quote
Okay, there's going to be seventeen awards this year
Can't they be like kids today and all get an award for participating?
Post by: franksolich on December 20, 2014, 07:35:23 PM
Can't they be like kids today and all get an award for participating?
Uh, no. It's a lot of time writing the individual awards.
Even though each award is a labor of love, still, it's a lot of time.
My favorite was the one in which the sparkling old dude won second place, back in 2010, behind Anne, that wretched miserable old bitch, the dysmenopausal Kansas school teacher. I enjoyed writing that more than most people would enjoy a good Nebraska cornfed steak or hopping around in the sack.
That award I'm sure was copied by the business associates of the sparkling old dude, and inserted into advertisements for their services, bragging to potential clients about how well-connected they are.
Post by: Ralph Wiggum on December 20, 2014, 07:39:46 PM
I think I had OS in my Top 10. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I did.Not according to the ballot you sent me.
Post by: franksolich on December 20, 2014, 07:42:43 PM
Post by: franksolich on December 20, 2014, 07:50:25 PM
Not according to the ballot you sent me.
I had to go back to refresh my own memory, because I could remember only three specific primitives for whom I voted (nadin, Skippy, and Ms. Vanderbilt-Astor).
By the way, I think I've determined this year's winner of the franksolich, to be announced on New Year's Eve, after the #02 Top DUmmie and just before the Top DUmmie of 2014.
I can pretty much promise that the day before New Year's Eve, and New Year's Eve itself, will be full of rollicking good fun.
Post by: BlueStateSaint on December 20, 2014, 08:16:44 PM
Not according to the ballot you sent me.
I got something confused, then. I had him for one of the special awards.
Post by: Ralph Wiggum on December 20, 2014, 09:05:25 PM
I got something confused, then. I had him for one of the special awards.Yep, you did.
Post by: I_B_Perky on December 20, 2014, 09:23:06 PM
#17 Top DUmmie of 2014: malaise
I'm not overly familiar with this particular dummie. Screen name probably describes this loser perfectly.
Actually now that I think about it... malaise describes most of the dummies. Maybe skinner can change the name of the Dump to Malaise Universe or something like that.
I digress though so returning to the topic at hand: Congrats to the dummy malaise! 17th top dummie is probably the highpoint of your life. Since it does not get any better than this dummie, go ahead and off yourself.
Post by: BattleHymn on December 20, 2014, 09:45:46 PM
#18 Top DUmmie of 2014: Omaha Steve
I'm wondering which will happen first:
a) Steve clings to life while dropping out of the Top 20
b) Steve croaks while still in the Top 20
c) Omaha runs out of mini-tacos because Steve is still around
Post by: franksolich on December 20, 2014, 10:28:00 PM
Post by: franksolich on December 20, 2014, 10:36:37 PM
I'm not overly familiar with this particular dummie. Screen name probably describes this loser perfectly.
The malice primitive's been around for a long time; she's an older woman part of the 1% down in Jamaica. While conditions in the United States appear to bother her, she seems blissfully unaware of the even-more abysmal poverty and despair that exists on her island.
Until this year, the malice primitive wasn't known for any special reason, other than her penchant for posting hurricane warnings. The Pacific being nadin's province, her domain has been the Atlantic.
I nominated her, and voted for her, because of her strident hate-filled anti-Semitism that seems only recently evolved. But she apparently jumped on that band-wagon a little too late this year. If she continues riding it, I'm sure she'll be a solid contender for the Top DUmmies in 2015.
Post by: tanstaafl on December 20, 2014, 10:43:09 PM
#18 Top DUmmie of 2014: Omaha Steve
Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.
Oh, and gimme some money, hoser.
Post by: I_B_Perky on December 20, 2014, 11:03:00 PM
The malice primitive's been around for a long time; she's an older woman part of the 1% down in Jamaica. While conditions in the United States appear to bother her, she seems blissfully unaware of the even-more abysmal poverty and despair that exists on her island.
Until this year, the malice primitive wasn't known for any special reason, other than her penchant for posting hurricane warnings. The Pacific being nadin's province, her domain has been the Atlantic.
I nominated her, and voted for her, because of her strident hate-filled anti-Semitism that seems only recently evolved. But she apparently jumped on that band-wagon a little too late this year. If she continues riding it, I'm sure she'll be a solid contender for the Top DUmmies in 2015.
Thanks Frank! I really could not recall ever seeing something by her... that don't mean anything though. I have a hard time remembering my name sometimes. :cheersmate:
Post by: franksolich on December 20, 2014, 11:15:31 PM
Thanks Frank! I really could not recall ever seeing something by her... that don't mean anything though. I have a hard time remembering my name sometimes. :cheersmate:
Actually, sir and valued friend who's converted franksolich into a self-appointed "honorary" West Virginian so I can count myself among some of the finest people gracing this planet, this is why I always encourage members to ask questions.
This isn't Skins's island, where one's stupid if one doesn't know some arcane fact.
There's so many primitives, and so many of them are indistinguishable from one another--the lumpenunterprimitiven, the faceless lynch mob, the PonP [primitives of non-prominence]--it's difficult to keep tabs on them.
Given that one of the DUmpster's main "missions" is to illuminate decent and civilized people, a public service for the Good of Humanity, if one's curious, one is free to inquire without hesitation or embarassment.
Post by: FlippyDoo on December 20, 2014, 11:22:56 PM
The malice primitive's been around for a long time; she's an older woman part of the 1% down in Jamaica. While conditions in the United States appear to bother her, she seems blissfully unaware of the even-more abysmal poverty and despair that exists on her island.
Until this year, the malice primitive wasn't known for any special reason, other than her penchant for posting hurricane warnings. The Pacific being nadin's province, her domain has been the Atlantic.
I nominated her, and voted for her, because of her strident hate-filled anti-Semitism that seems only recently evolved. But she apparently jumped on that band-wagon a little too late this year. If she continues riding it, I'm sure she'll be a solid contender for the Top DUmmies in 2015.
frank, which DUmmie was it that acted as nadin's main sycophant? I had originally thought it to be malaise, but I guess I was wrong.
Post by: franksolich on December 20, 2014, 11:26:46 PM
frank, which DUmmie was it that acted as nadin's main sycophant? I had originally thought it to be malaise, but I guess I was wrong.
I'm sure you're thinking of the sabrina1 primitive.
Post by: BattleHymn on December 20, 2014, 11:41:15 PM
#16 Top DUmmie of 2014: grasswire
Nuts! I had Doctor Professor Grasswipe Judy, M.D., Ph.D., D.D., D.V.M., B.S.N., C.N.N., M.S.N.B.C., in my Top Ten. I'm sort of disappointed to see her show up here at #16, as she is sort of like the mailman (no offense, miskie), and almost always delivers something incredibly stupid in every post.
Recently, in her attempts to foil the franksolich from taking the life of another Andy, she has discovered how to nadin things, and has taken it upon herself to inform people of ways to cure their ailments, advice for/against medical associations, home remedies for cats, and anything else she can find nadining things.
Unfortunately, being naive and stupid is no way to be on the internet, and so Doctor Professor Grasswipe appears to buy into everything she reads on the internet, hook, line, and sinker, with predictable results.
Post by: franksolich on December 21, 2014, 05:08:35 AM
Nuts! I had Doctor Professor Grasswipe Judy, M.D., Ph.D., D.D., D.V.M., B.S.N., C.N.N., M.S.N.B.C., in my Top Ten. I'm sort of disappointed to see her show up here at #16, as she is sort of like the mailman (no offense, miskie), and almost always delivers something incredibly stupid in every post.
Recently, in her attempts to foil the franksolich from taking the life of another Andy, she has discovered how to nadin things, and has taken it upon herself to inform people of ways to cure their ailments, advice for/against medical associations, home remedies for cats, and anything else she can find nadining things.
I suspect Judy grasswire faded this year, because she branched out from posting about the domestic arts and human interest stuff, venturing into serious political discussion, far above her level of competence, and hence she just looks stupid in an ordinary primitive manner.
For Judy to continue being a top DUmmie, she needs to stick with those things which she knows.
Post by: franksolich on December 21, 2014, 06:16:54 AM
Quote
malaise (125,628 posts) Sat Dec 20, 2014, 09:03 PM
Do we actually know who killed those cops
It's very neat and convenient - they appear to have been shot by a marksman - two minority cops shot in the head at the same time reforms are demanded and the killer came all the way from Baltimore and just happened to write a farewell note that includes a threat to cops.
This really looks too neat.
I want more info - yes it's horrible for their families and I grieve for them regardless of who committed this awful act.
I'm skeptical about everything these days.
Lots of primitives trashed the old bitch, of which the below is typical:
Quote
cwydro (14,449 posts) Sat Dec 20, 2014, 09:44 PM
36. You are making a fool of yourself here.
Just stop it.
Who do you think killed them? Great conspiracy person that you are? Tell us.
I still remember you and nadin saying that the government had ships of dead folks offshore during a hurricane that did not produce the number of casualties that you would have liked.
Remember that? I do. More utter conspiracy nonsense.
Goodness gracious. Stop it. Or tell us who killed the cops, since you do not believe the official story.
Trashing this thread now.
How sad to be someone who can ignore such a horrid act - instead, using it to make into a story of your own.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10025986650
Yeah, malice was just piss-poor in her timing.
Post by: franksolich on December 21, 2014, 09:18:33 AM
For the longest time, years, I paid about as much attention to malice as I did to the other lumpenunterprimitiven. Since she was from Jamaica, I figured she was black, a reasonable guess, given that Jamaica's 91.4% black, 1.2% white.
And further on, I began assuming, from the tone and tenor of her comments, she was probably one of those that racist Democrats in the south used to call "yeller [yellow] gals [girls]." Brassy, mouthy, sassy, impudent, rude young women of African derivation not quite all black, and as ugly as sin.
Then I found out malice is no spring chicken.
And further on, I found out malice is related to a one-time officer in the Royal Air Force, a notoriously all-white organization since its founding.
Okay then, so what is malice? Obviously from the upper-upper-upper class of Jamaica, as she's been able to send her daughters to college in the United States, and travels to this country quite a bit.
There's 7,000 American nationals living in Jamaica, in the style of the cbayer primitive in Mexico, taking advantage of cheap labor there, where one can hire a cook for four dollars a month, and have a serving girl for fourteen cents a tric--er, a day.
But I don't think malice is American; her perception of us adheres too closely to the perceptions of Canadians and other affluent Eurotrash.
There's a substantial number of British and Canadians permanent residents in Jamaica; I'll bet she's one of them.
Post by: Big Dog on December 21, 2014, 10:43:52 AM
There's a substantial number of British and Canadians permanent residents in Jamaica; I'll bet she's one of them.
That is excellent deduction, my friend. I differ with you on the conclusion; I believe the malice primitive is an American.
See her posts here: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10025986650
She writes, "the killer came all the way from Baltimore", which implies a native understanding of the distance (geographical and social) between Baltimore and New York City. If you or I wrote about a British killer, the fact that he traveled from Liverpool to Leeds would not be significant to us - and we would not be likely to use it as to make a point.
She also uses the American spelling of skeptical, and the American slang term sheeple.
Post by: Carl on December 21, 2014, 11:09:20 AM
Quote
Mon Oct 20, 2014, 05:01 PM
malaise (125,630 posts)
Scott Walker is going to lose [View all]
I can't wait
How did that work out bitch?
Post by: Carl on December 21, 2014, 11:16:50 AM
A mess of glop that appears to have fallen out on the floor and was hastily scooped back in,very much similar to the efforts of a preteens first attempt at baking,which of course can be expected there.
There are few as hate filled as it is,a bitter old crone that has failed at everything in life.
Post by: obumazombie on December 21, 2014, 11:38:44 AM
I'm on the verge of declaring it a basic human right !
Post by: BattleHymn on December 21, 2014, 11:59:05 AM
Grasswire/Judys most famous claim to fame of course is her picture publicizing the bakery shop the home for the mentally retarded was humoring her into thinking would exist.
A mess of glop that appears to have fallen out on the floor and was hastily scooped back in,very much similar to the efforts of a preteens first attempt at baking,which of course can be expected there.
There are few as hate filled as it is,a bitter old crone that has failed at everything in life.
Now that was funny. :rofl:
I think a #16 finish for Doctor Professor Grasswipe Judy, M.D., Ph.D., D.D., D.V.M., B.S.N., C.N.N., M.S.N.B.C., will be her low water mark. If she keeps up her current level of stupidity, she's going to get featured a lot more in the DUmpster next year, which means she will earn a spot more fitting of her product.
Post by: BattleHymn on December 21, 2014, 12:00:28 PM
This thread is so awesome.
I'm on the verge of declaring it a basic human right !
Yeah, agreed. This has got to be the best way to handle the "no banana" primitives. Aspiring primitives could gain a lot of information on how to end up in the Top Ten, if only they read this thread. It's as chocked full of hints and tips as one of Grasswipe Judy's posts.
Post by: franksolich on December 21, 2014, 12:19:34 PM
Post by: Chris_ on December 21, 2014, 12:20:51 PM
#15 Top DUmmie of 2014: diabeticmanLate showing, poor finish.
If only he had asked his wife for advice.
Post by: franksolich on December 21, 2014, 12:31:58 PM
Late showing, poor finish.
If only he had asked his wife for advice.
You know, I'm one of the minority who believes he really has a wife.
Like the not-seen-for-a-long-time-now Robb primitive and his wife, or the condom primitive and his woman, or the "Erich Bloodaxe BSN" primitive and his woman, I'll bet that relationship started off years ago, in which he found himself lucky, netting a woman who was a compliant lay, and who was willing to bring home the bacon for both of them.
(I'd include the Las Vegas Leviathan and his wife Jeanette here, but it's unkind to speak ill of the dead [with certain exceptions].)
Years bring on ravages, and now he's probably in decrepit shape, and not so attractive to her any more, and his increasing dependency perhaps irks her.
She's probably aware he hangs around on Skins's island, and while his depiction of her as old and weary and tired and drab is perhaps accurate, she doesn't like it, and told him to put a lid on it.
Post by: Chris_ on December 21, 2014, 12:33:43 PM
Quote
(I'd include the Las Vegas Leviathan and his wife Jeanette here, but it's unkind to speak ill of the dead [with certain exceptions].)Wait, what?
With a name like 'Erich Bloodaxe BSN' I figured the guy was a flaming homo.
Post by: franksolich on December 21, 2014, 12:40:52 PM
Wait, what?
The information's from one of my authenticated primitive "Deep Throats," who's thus far proven right in all he's ever told me.
Also, apparently dear old sweet Lu of the cooking and baking forum, and walrus-face of last year's fame, this past year sprung loose of this mortal coil.
Many primitives don't seem to know these things, because they're such narcissists they don't pay attention to other primitives, only to themselves.
It's been years now, but I'll bet Atman still isn't aware of the demise of one of his good pals on Skins's island, Chief S itting Bull, "Redstone;" has absolutely no idea, and it's of no interest to him because it's not Atman, and he's still very much with us anyway.
Post by: franksolich on December 21, 2014, 12:46:25 PM
With a name like 'Erich Bloodaxe BSN' I figured the guy was a flaming homo.
Actually, he's a bona fide registered nurse, but for some reason, he's unemployed.
How is it possible in this society, to be a registered nurse and not bringing home tons of money?
Unlike Ms. Hindenburg, the "Warpy" primitive, he's got nothing on his professional record that prohibits him from practicing in his profession. He's clean.
I suspect he's just lazy, and one day got lucky in finding a woman who allows him to poke her at will, bouncing around in the sack all he wants, whenever he wants, and for some other inexplicable reason, goes along with being the sole support of this stay-at-home "boyfriend."
Maybe she's really ugly, and couldn't get anybody better? I dunno.
Post by: BattleHymn on December 21, 2014, 12:57:02 PM
Late showing, poor finish.
If only he had asked his wife for advice.
#15 is a respectable finish for such a dark horse, I think. If he keeps up his momentum into next year, he could certainly finish higher.
Post by: franksolich on December 21, 2014, 01:29:09 PM
#15 is a respectable finish for such a dark horse, I think. If he keeps up his momentum into next year, he could certainly finish higher.
I think of the six primitives named thus far, at least one, and perhaps as many as three, stand good prospects of ending up in the Top Ten DUmmies of 2015, if they keep up their performance.
Now, we know that primitives don't like being named to the Top DUmmies--it embarrasses them and humiliates them, and de-elevates them in the eyes of other primitives--but as I'm a nice guy, I'm going to do the ten runners-up a favor.
They already know they're not in this year's top ten.
However, there's all those special awards, too.
If it's any solace and comfort to the ten runners-up, none of them won any of the special awards, and so franksolich won't be writing about them.
That's ten primitives who can breathe easy now.
Post by: Big Dog on December 21, 2014, 01:31:49 PM
Also, apparently dear old sweet Lu of the cooking and baking forum, and walrus-face of last year's fame, this past year sprung loose of this mortal coil.
Whoa, wait.
Douglas C. Bulna of Rockaway NJ, the Jersey Walrus, former employee of Gearhart Chevrolet and holder of the trademark for JIZZ, died?
(http://garys24daychallenge.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/the-walrus-is-dead.jpg)
And no one on Skins' Island knew?
Post by: franksolich on December 21, 2014, 01:41:14 PM
Whoa, wait.
Douglas C. Bulna of Rockaway NJ, the Jersey Walrus, former employee of Gearhart Chevrolet and holder of the trademark for JIZZ, died?
That's what Deep Throat, my hard-working and much-appreciated primitive source, tells me, and he's never steered me wrong.
Remember, the guy had half the contents of his skull surgically removed; it was sort of, uh, apparent he wasn't long with us.
I'm wondering if he perhaps "staged" the incident involving the television remote control, intending it to be his Gotterdamerung.
Quote
And no one on Skins' Island knew?
Primitives don't care about anybody but each of them own selves.
Post by: franksolich on December 21, 2014, 01:42:47 PM
Post by: Ralph Wiggum on December 21, 2014, 02:10:52 PM
#14 Top DUmmie of 2014: MineralManI though Rock Head would honestly get in the top 10. But then again I'm never sure how everyone else will vote. And I wouldn't ever fudge the vote count.
Post by: BattleHymn on December 21, 2014, 02:14:46 PM
#14 Top DUmmie of 2014: MineralMan
I thought the same thing, and as such, I didn't even bother "wasting" any of my votes on him, assuming he was a sure thing. Heck, I even nominated him.
I looked back to see how he's finished over the years, and it turns out his first appearance in the Top 20 was 2010, at #19, then again in 2011 at #18. Since then, he's either not been nominated, or didn't place.
MinnesotaMoses may just not have what it takes to be in the Top Ten.
Post by: obumazombie on December 21, 2014, 02:26:22 PM
Good work to 14 mineral and 15 diabetic.
Post by: franksolich on December 21, 2014, 02:38:12 PM
Post by: obumazombie on December 21, 2014, 02:41:44 PM
#13 Top DUmmie of 2014: fizzgig
Lucky 13.
Post by: BattleHymn on December 21, 2014, 02:51:42 PM
Lucky 13.
Unless you're fizzgig's significant other, then it's a very unlucky 13.
I wonder what happened to the besotted ugly bint last night? She hasn't even shown her face in the C&B forum to discuss last night's gut bomb, or anything.
Post by: Carl on December 21, 2014, 03:13:21 PM
#13 Top DUmmie of 2014: fizzgig
(http://vanessachapman.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/hair.jpg)
Post by: BattleHymn on December 21, 2014, 03:28:15 PM
(http://vanessachapman.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/hair.jpg)
I'd hate to think what part of the body that hair could have come from if it was fizzgig's.
Post by: obumazombie on December 21, 2014, 03:29:16 PM
I'd hate to think what part of the body that hair could have come from if it was fizzgig's.
Yuck...mind bleach alert!!!!!!
Post by: BattleHymn on December 21, 2014, 03:34:30 PM
Yuck...mind bleach alert!!!!!!
Off the top of my head, I'm going to assume it's head hair, as there is a pair of scissors pictured next to the scalp, and not a hedge trimmer.
Post by: franksolich on December 21, 2014, 04:30:57 PM
Post by: franksolich on December 21, 2014, 04:35:30 PM
Wait, what?
With a name like 'Erich Bloodaxe BSN' I figured the guy was a flaming homo.
comment 2728:
http://conservativecave.com/index.php?topic=81827.2725
Post by: obumazombie on December 21, 2014, 04:40:25 PM
#12 Top DUmmie of 2014: graham4anythingA twelfth of a gross. Maybe more.
Post by: franksolich on December 21, 2014, 04:45:28 PM
They can breathe easy; their suspense is over with.
Now's a good time to let two other primitives off the hook, so that they may go to work Monday morning carefree and in good cheer, knowing that they're not part of the Top Ten.
Much to my personal relief, they didn't make it, because writing awards for them would strain my literary abilities to the limit, possibly breaking them, turning franksolich utterly inarticulate and incoherent.
I really sweated that one, or perhaps even both, of them would make the cut, and that professlonal obligations in writing the awards for my fellow alum Skins and my good pal Manny would destroy any goodwill between us.
But whew, they didn't make it.
Post by: franksolich on December 21, 2014, 05:08:26 PM
And hence the tentative.
December 24, Christmas Eve:
the Willie, for the most memorable primitive
#10 Top DUmmie of 2014
December 25, Christmas Day:
#09 Top DUmmie of 2014
the Steve, for the primitive who most made an ass of himself
December 26:
the nadin, for the primitive who thinks himself smarter than God
#08 Top DUmmie of 2014
December 27:
#07 Top DUmmie of 2014
the Skippy, for the most paranoid primitive
December 28:
the stewert, for the freeloadingest primitive
#06 Top DUmmie of 2014
December 29:
#05 Top DUmmie of 2014
the group award
December 30:
#04 Top DUmmie of 2014
#03 Top Dummie of 2014
#02 Top DUmmie of 2014
December 31, New Year's Eve:
the franksolich
Top DUmmie of 2014
Post by: obumazombie on December 21, 2014, 05:15:22 PM
Maybe some of the bowls can be named after them.
Post by: franksolich on December 21, 2014, 05:22:39 PM
I can't make up any schedule until I know the whole slate of winners--and trust me, this is the solidest roster of winners I've ever seen in all the years of the Top DUmmies, not a single one unworthy.
I don't want cases to happen where a primitive wins both top DUmmiedom and a special award, and so both pieces on the same day would be about the same primitive.
I wait to see the list first, and then juggle the schedule accordingly; because these top DUmmies are s-o-o-o-o-o-o excellent, I didn't have to juggle anything this year.
Post by: BattleHymn on December 21, 2014, 05:33:42 PM
#12 Top DUmmie of 2014: graham4anything
You guys that voted for this primitive- is he largely active over at the DU Jr.?
The last I could recall him was when he got booted from the island last year.
Post by: franksolich on December 21, 2014, 05:35:07 PM
You guys that voted for this primitive- is he largely active over at the DU Jr.?
The last I could recall him was when he got booted from the island last year.
He did get tossed off, during one of the first few days of January 2014.
But that met the requirements for being nominated and elected.
Post by: franksolich on December 21, 2014, 05:37:08 PM
Post by: franksolich on December 21, 2014, 05:45:59 PM
After I get some sleep Tuesday, I'll start writing the awards.
However, I'm leaving this non-award thread unlocked and stickied to the top, to accumulate further comments, if any.
Past winners, including the non-winners named in this thread, can be found at:
http://conservativecave.com/index.php?topic=66225.0
Post by: Tess Anderson on December 21, 2014, 06:04:28 PM
Speaking of dead, near-dead DUmmies, does anybody know anything about Peg's pal, WCGreen? He's still alive AFAIK.
Post by: BattleHymn on December 21, 2014, 06:10:59 PM
cali/kentuck/NYC_SKP/nadin/Peggy probably comprise half of the top ten . . .
Speaking of dead, near-dead DUmmies, does anybody know anything about Peg's pal, WCGreen? He's still alive AFAIK.
As far as I know, he's still sponging off good and decent people by sitting at death's door and refusing to knock.
Or, maybe he's slipped out of his mortal coil, and nobody bothered to notice or say anything, (like Kirk, Doug, et al). With Calpig firmly in his corner blabbing her huge gaping maw, you'd expect it to be hard to miss.
Post by: BattleHymn on December 21, 2014, 06:17:13 PM
#11 Top DUmmie of 2014: KingCharlemagne
Another johnny-come-lately that I've missed in the shuffle.
With the first ten out of the way, I only had two that I can cross off of my votes. I had the big guy, Omaha Steve slated in the #10 spot. He finished at #18. This might be Steve's last year, who knows. I had diabeticman as my #5 spot, and he eventually finished at #15. The rest are all top-shelf primitives, so I'm hoping for some good things. :popcorn:
Post by: obumazombie on December 21, 2014, 06:53:06 PM
#11 Top DUmmie of 2014: KingCharlemagne
That's 3 in binary.
He might as well be awarded a bronze medal and stand on the podium.
Post by: Big Dog on December 21, 2014, 07:21:40 PM
Off the top of my head, I'm going to assume it's head hair, as there is a pair of scissors pictured next to the scalp, and not a hedge trimmer.
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
Post by: franksolich on December 22, 2014, 09:12:11 AM
cali/kentuck/NYC_SKP/nadin/Peggy probably comprise half of the top ten . . .
Ah, you're somewhat right, but not completely so.
One of those primitives can sleep like an infant, knowing that the poison pen of franksolich is stayed.
<<<not giving away any secrets, just trying to build speculation and suspense.
Post by: whiffleball on December 23, 2014, 11:57:24 AM
Post by: USA4ME on December 23, 2014, 12:41:23 PM
#12 Top DUmmie of 2014: graham4anything
#13 Top DUmmie of 2014: fizzgig
#14 Top DUmmie of 2014: MineralMan
#15 Top DUmmie of 2014: diabeticman
#16 Top DUmmie of 2014: grasswire
#17 Top DUmmie of 2014: malaise
#18 Top DUmmie of 2014: Omaha Steve
#19 Top DUmmie of 2014: darkangel218
#20 Top DUmmie of 2014: Aerows
Just easier to see them all.
.
Post by: Skul on December 23, 2014, 07:48:48 PM
Same with the fizzgig.
Post by: BattleHymn on December 23, 2014, 08:03:14 PM
I expected Aerows, to finish much higher.
Same with the fizzgig.
There is always next year for fizzgig, but I think the Aerows primitive gave its best shot with the raccoon & rabies spiel.
Post by: Big Dog on December 23, 2014, 08:09:53 PM
There is always next year for fizzgig, but I think the Aerows primitive gave its best shot with the raccoon & rabies spiel.
Just wait 'til 2015. Aerows will get tag-teamed by two mangy raccoons and date-raped by a honey badger with herpes!
<<-- Expecting big things from ol' Coon Bait next year.
Post by: BattleHymn on December 23, 2014, 08:52:19 PM
Just wait 'til 2015. Aerows will get tag-teamed by two mangy raccoons and date-raped by a honey badger with herpes!
<<-- Expecting big things from ol' Coon Bait next year.
And since she's around so many rough rethuglicans where she's at, fartraped, too.
Post by: tanstaafl on December 24, 2014, 09:16:51 AM
Yeah, agreed. This has got to be the best way to handle the "no banana" primitives. Aspiring primitives could gain a lot of information on how to end up in the Top Ten, if only they read this thread. It's as chocked full of hints and tips as one of Grasswipe Judy's posts.
Oh, trust me. They're reading it.
Post by: DumbAss Tanker on December 24, 2014, 09:37:05 AM
Ah, you're somewhat right, but not completely so.
One of those primitives can sleep like an infant, knowing that the poison pen of franksolich is stayed.
<<<not giving away any secrets, just trying to build speculation and suspense.
A pity RedQueen or one of the other principal Riders of the Femapocalypse wasn't in that bunch (Bainsbane may count on that score, but she's nuts for other reasons as well), shrieking that male heterosexuality is rape. Sadly, I got tied up with mundane affairs and neglected to nominate any candidates.
Post by: obumazombie on December 24, 2014, 10:34:33 AM
And since she's around so many rough rethuglicans where she's at, fartraped, too.
With a good bit of man spreading thrown in for good measure.
Post by: BattleHymn on December 24, 2014, 12:59:23 PM
A pity RedQueen or one of the other principal Riders of the Femapocalypse wasn't in that bunch (Bainsbane may count on that score, but she's nuts for other reasons as well), shrieking that male heterosexuality is rape. Sadly, I got tied up with mundane affairs and neglected to nominate any candidates.
There are still 8 more spots. Hold out hope, brother!