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Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: BannedFromDU on December 04, 2014, 05:39:57 PM

Title: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: BannedFromDU on December 04, 2014, 05:39:57 PM
Quote
Star Member Bertha Venation (21,120 posts)

resume advice

Last edited Thu Dec 4, 2014, 03:57 PM - Edit history (1)
Hi.

For the last 13 years, I worked as a legal secretary. Most salient fact right there, first sentence. In July I left my job. After caring for my wife post-back surgery, I began looking for a job near home.

I've applied for over 40 jobs since then, admin, clerical, and secretarial jobs, jobs I know I would kill, I mean I would just knock it out of the park.

I haven't had one single bite. Not a reply email, not a phone call, and in all but four cases, not even a "thanks but no thanks."

I am imagining that employers see 13 years in legal and don't look any further.Ya think? This is very frustrating because I have the skills and experience all of these employers require! And I'm drawing on 20 years' admin and 15 before that in jobs so varied translation: fired a lot that it's nearly impossible to quantify their value to what I have to offer.Actually, DUmmy, the fact that you've had the same job for 13 years tells them that you have few other skills and no desire to get more.

My resume is pretty standard: employers/experience first, then skills. I am wondering if I could make my resume unconventional, put a summary of experience and skills first, then just a list of employers and dates. Or something like that. What do you think?

Any advice for me other than re: resume?

Is there a relevant forum I can cross-post this to?

Edit: I am not looking for work as a legal secretary.That's the problem. You should be. You is what you am; a cow don't make ham.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018696931


How delusional can one person be? Nothing wrong with doing something for a long time, but don't be surprised when people don't think you can do anything else, duh.
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: Zathras on December 04, 2014, 05:44:36 PM
Welcome to the US Oconomy. Enjoy your stay DUmbass, you got exactly what you deserve.
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: DumbAss Tanker on December 04, 2014, 06:02:35 PM
You may really be able to do a lot of other things, DUmmie, discounting the normally high BS level of any post involving a DUmmie's education, work history, experience, skills, intelligence, or work ethic.

Problem is, you aren't CURRENT in any of those things, and in the last 15 years, every admin field has moved on into reliance on programs and apps of which you are utterly ignorant.  They can find someone vastly more qualified than you by picking the first green-as-grass vo-tech associate's degree business grad who walks in the door.  At this point your alleged skills are useless for anything but a law practice, and let me tell you a dirty little secret - by and large, most small-to-medium law firms aren't looking for dudes as secretaries, they want someone who naturally disarms the people they deal with (I.e., a chick, ideally a personable, pleasant, and not-unattractive chick), doesn't set off the clients or contacts  gaydar, and who can can double as general reception and Girl Friday.  You are doomed.

Also, as far as making your resume more striking goes, you should include an 8x10 color glossy of a severed head, and links to some of your greatest posts on DU.
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: GOBUCKS on December 04, 2014, 06:07:48 PM
He needs to get this to rsmithnumbers.

A good cover letter would punch it up just right.
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: JohnnyReb on December 04, 2014, 06:15:36 PM
Wife worked 22 years for a lawyer in mostly real estate. She has now been with a bank for 14 years. The bank changed their hiring policies to get her and brought her in half way up the ladder over college grads.....and she only has a high school education. She ain't stupid by any means. She was one of those that didn't get a chance at using her white privilege to go to college because she was born in a poor family.

BTW: She hasn't missed a day in 14 years and only 3 days in those 22 other years. Doesn't mean she has enjoyed great health, just has a strong work ethic. Something DUmmies seem to lack.














Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: USA4ME on December 04, 2014, 06:24:14 PM
Quote from:
Bertha Venation

resume advice

I've seen your pic. Lose the face and about 500 lbs. Oh, and age backwards about 30 years.

.
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: DumbAss Tanker on December 04, 2014, 06:25:20 PM
Johnny, I get the impression nobody is reaching out to recruit this DUmmie.  I like the idea GOBUCKS posted, he should get rsmithnumbers to draft him a cover letter.
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: GOBUCKS on December 04, 2014, 06:36:05 PM
Quote from: DumbAss Tanker on December 04, 2014, 06:25:20 PM
I like the idea GOBUCKS posted, he should get rsmithnumbers to draft him a cover letter.

Disastrously, catastrophically, my link to that all-time classic DUmmy post isn't working.

I'm more distraught than Pitt at his queer buddy's funeral.
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: franksolich on December 04, 2014, 06:38:41 PM
Uh, sorry, this isn't a guy.



(http://i949.photobucket.com/albums/ad335/photoatcc/BBB/BerthaVenation_zps9c2677fd.jpg) (http://s949.photobucket.com/user/photoatcc/media/BBB/BerthaVenation_zps9c2677fd.jpg.html)
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: DumbAss Tanker on December 04, 2014, 06:40:56 PM
I'd hesitate to say it was a woman, either.  If it says it has a wife, and looks like that, pretty much any third-person singular pronoun will serve.
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: BannedFromDU on December 04, 2014, 06:45:27 PM
Quote from: franksolich on December 04, 2014, 06:38:41 PM
Uh, sorry, this isn't a guy.



(http://i949.photobucket.com/albums/ad335/photoatcc/BBB/BerthaVenation_zps9c2677fd.jpg) (http://s949.photobucket.com/user/photoatcc/media/BBB/BerthaVenation_zps9c2677fd.jpg.html)


     Yeah, I was as loose with with the pronoun as those shorts have to be.
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: Carl on December 04, 2014, 08:31:14 PM
A lezbo pig with a primitives likely work record and attitude applying for a job with no or at best indirect experience for the position.
Yeah,what could possibly go wrong there.
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: Big Dog on December 04, 2014, 10:18:21 PM
Hey, Bertha.

The Clam Shack is looking for part-time shuckers.

I'm sure you have a reference or two who will attest to your one-handed clam shucking ability.
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: Dori on December 04, 2014, 10:51:17 PM
Her unemployment must be running out.



Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: DefiantSix on December 04, 2014, 11:07:56 PM
Quote
Star Member Bertha Venation (21,120 posts)

resume advice

Last edited Thu Dec 4, 2014, 03:57 PM - Edit history (1)
Hi.

For the last 13 years, I worked as a legal secretary. In July I left my job. After caring for my wife post-back surgery, I began looking for a job near home.

I've applied for over 40 jobs since then, admin, clerical, and secretarial jobs, jobs I know I would kill, I mean I would just knock it out of the park.

I haven't had one single bite. Not a reply email, not a phone call, and in all but four cases, not even a "thanks but no thanks."

I am imagining that employers see 13 years in legal and don't look any further. This is very frustrating because I have the skills and experience all of these employers require! And I'm drawing on 20 years' admin and 15 before that in jobs so varied that it's nearly impossible to quantify their value to what I have to offer.

My resume is pretty standard: employers/experience first, then skills. I am wondering if I could make my resume unconventional, put a summary of experience and skills first, then just a list of employers and dates. Or something like that. What do you think?

Any advice for me other than re: resume?

Is there a relevant forum I can cross-post this to?

Edit: I am not looking for work as a legal secretary.

For some reason, I was hearing this in the background as I read through the DUmmy's OP...  :fuelfire:

[youtube]www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwuP7ILX32E[/youtube]
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: Big Dog on December 04, 2014, 11:34:22 PM
Quote from: DefiantSix on December 04, 2014, 11:07:56 PM
For some reason, I was hearing this in the background as I read through the DUmmy's OP...  :fuelfire:

[youtube]www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwuP7ILX32E[/youtube]

If she's the squeegie girl, I demand my money back.
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: Chris_ on December 04, 2014, 11:36:48 PM
Quote from: Big Dog on December 04, 2014, 11:34:22 PM
If she's the squeegie girl, I demand my money back.
How'd you like those big gun rubbing all over your window?

It looks like Ed Schultz in a wet t-shirt contest.
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: obumazombie on December 04, 2014, 11:37:21 PM
The chain gang is always looking for workers...



[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVGgyGXPDJ8[/youtube]


You're going to get your chance to work hard.
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: GOBUCKS on December 04, 2014, 11:40:45 PM
An oldie from the 70s,  "Troglodyte"

Quote
She got up, she was a big woman, big woman.
Her name was Bertha, Bertha Butt, she was one of the Butt sisters.
He didn't care. He looked up at her and said,
"Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me
Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me!".
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: Big Dog on December 04, 2014, 11:42:53 PM
Quote from: Chris_ on December 04, 2014, 11:36:48 PM
How'd you like those big gun rubbing all over your window?

It looks like Ed Schultz in a wet t-shirt contest.

No, thanks.

I have high standards for squeegie girls.

(http://fm99.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/2/files/gallery/rock-girl-2013-car-wash-at-sullivans-family-auto/img_1355.jpg)
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: obumazombie on December 04, 2014, 11:43:35 PM
^Not a true redhead.
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: Big Dog on December 04, 2014, 11:45:51 PM
Quote from: obumazombie on December 04, 2014, 11:43:35 PM
^Not a true redhead.

Maybe not, but she washed away any thoughts of Big Bertha in a wet t-shirt!
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: obumazombie on December 04, 2014, 11:48:20 PM
Quote from: Big Dog on December 04, 2014, 11:45:51 PM
Maybe not, but she washed away any thoughts of Big Bertha in a wet t-shirt!

A nice dose of mind bleach...to wash out the mind blech  !
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: Big Dog on December 04, 2014, 11:51:25 PM
Quote from: obumazombie on December 04, 2014, 11:43:35 PM
^Not a true redhead.

If I saw her standing on the side of the road with a bucket of KFC and a bottle of bourbon, I wouldn't pass her by.

 :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs:
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: franksolich on December 05, 2014, 03:05:13 AM
Quote from: Dori on December 04, 2014, 10:51:17 PM
Her unemployment must be running out.

That's my guess too.
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: diesel driver on December 05, 2014, 07:07:52 AM
Quote from: Dori on December 04, 2014, 10:51:17 PM
Her unemployment must be running out.

Then why isn't the "wife" doing Its part and getting on disability, since It had back surgery, right.
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: GOBUCKS on December 05, 2014, 01:49:12 PM
When she got that job many years ago she was a lezbo, but she likely wasn't the big buzzcut  bull dagger she is today.

People enjoy freaks in a sideshow, but it's uncomfortable to be around them full time.

Lots of DUmmies have that problem.
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: Gina on December 05, 2014, 01:59:14 PM
I'm sorry and I'm gonna sound really sexist but a man secretary?  :lmao:  it's just creepy to me  :whistling:

eta:  OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  :rotf:
Title: Re: Bertha Venation cannot understand why he/she/it isn't a big exec
Post by: obumazombie on December 05, 2014, 03:05:14 PM
Quote from: Gina on December 05, 2014, 01:59:14 PM
I'm sorry and I'm gonna sound really sexist but a man secretary?  :lmao:  it's just creepy to me  :whistling:

eta:  OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  :rotf:

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNzrem4U298[/youtube]