The Conservative Cave

Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: franksolich on November 18, 2014, 07:04:21 PM

Title: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: franksolich on November 18, 2014, 07:04:21 PM
http://www.democraticunderground.com/115747807

Oh my.

Quote
NYC_SKP (62,937 posts)    Tue Nov 18, 2014, 02:50 PM

I want to bake an apple pie from scratch, my first time ever.

We have some delicious organic "Opal" variety apples available and I'd like to bring a pie to Thanksgiving dinner.
 
Absent any other guides, I would check the Joy of Cooking for standard pie dough and filling recipes.
 
But with all the great bakers on DU, I can probably get great advice right here!

I'll post the primitive comments and suggestions later, when I get back.

But for the meantime, we all know what's going on here, and Skippy's not fooling anybody, with his trying to come across as cheerily American as apple pie.

The blunt fact is, rather than being a cherubic middle-aged guy who likes polyester and straight-hemmed shirts, Skippy is actually the most "far left" of the primitives, whose heroes include Pol Pot, Kim Jung-on, Osama bin Ladin, and Bill "25 million dead" Ayres.

Skippy's the one who suggested that those complaining about 0bamacare be silenced.....permanently.

Skippy used to make such comments when drunk--as we all know, wine in, truth out--but lately he hasn't been posting when intoxicated.

I suspect it's because of his brain problems, and so per doctor's orders, he's been staying away from the bottle, so as to not interfere with the pharmaceuticals.  And so he's been taking the opportunity while he's still dry, to rehabilitate his image.

But he's not fooling anybody.
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: Ballygrl on November 18, 2014, 07:09:28 PM
Shop Rite has pies on sale for $1.88 this week, we picked up a bunch to keep in the freezer and 1 of them was a Dutch Apple Pie, almost as good as homemade.
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: franksolich on November 18, 2014, 07:10:54 PM
Shop Rite has pies on sale for $1.88 this week, we picked up a bunch to keep in the freezer and 1 of them was a Dutch Apple Pie, almost as good as homemade.

For you, dear:
http://conservativecave.com/index.php?topic=99226.0
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: GOBUCKS on November 18, 2014, 07:35:52 PM
Quote
organic "Opal" variety apples

With organic fruit the first step is to cut out the worms and rotten spots.
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: Ballygrl on November 18, 2014, 07:38:24 PM
It seems as though from what I've read that organic fruits and vegetables cause high outbreaks of E-coli.
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: thundley4 on November 18, 2014, 08:16:45 PM
It seems as though from what I've read that organic fruits and vegetables cause high outbreaks of E-coli.

That's because the "organic illegal immigrants" harvesting them don't believe in using soap and water to wash their hands.
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: JohnnyReb on November 18, 2014, 08:27:19 PM
To make an apple pie you have to break a few apples.
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: Mr Mannn on November 18, 2014, 08:42:37 PM
Quote
NYC_SKP (62,937 posts)    Tue Nov 18, 2014, 02:50 PM

I want to bake an apple pie from scratch
TRANSLATION
Quote
NYC_SKP (62,937 posts)    Tue Nov 18, 2014, 02:50 PM

I am a flaming Homo.
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: miskie on November 18, 2014, 08:57:03 PM
Can you bake an apple pie, Skippy boy, Skippy boy ?
Can you bake an apple pie, drunkard Skippy ?

..I can bake an apple pie, full of organic Ecoli..
And then claim that its better than all others..
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: Chris_ on November 18, 2014, 09:02:28 PM
I'm over apple pie... I'd rather have a crumble or cobbler.

Apple pie filling is good with pork chops, though. :)
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: Dori on November 18, 2014, 09:19:44 PM
For apple pie I like an apple like pippin or granny smith.

This opal apple would probably turn into apple mush when cooked. 


Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: BattleHymn on November 19, 2014, 12:39:40 AM
It isn't a pie thread until grasswipe Judy shows up to throw in her two cents.   
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: Chris_ on November 19, 2014, 12:41:03 AM
It isn't a pie thread until grasswipe Judy shows up to throw in her two cents.
I've seen her pies.  That's all they're worth.
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: BattleHymn on November 19, 2014, 12:53:37 AM
I've seen her pies.  That's all they're worth.

That's still more than she'd charge a union member. 
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: GOBUCKS on November 19, 2014, 12:56:17 AM
Quote
grasswire  Donating Member (1000+ posts)
Fri Mar-11-11 05:15 PM
Original message
I'm opening a pie shop.

Just clinched the deal with the property owner today.

Many of you know my commitment to pie. I'm doing test kitchen this month on a lot of recipes for the perfect product. King Arthur's lemon meringue was a fail last night. Unfortunately.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=236x86326
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: Chris_ on November 19, 2014, 12:58:09 AM
My, how the time flies.
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: BattleHymn on November 19, 2014, 01:10:42 AM
Quote
Just clinched the deal with the property owner today.

From clinching deals to clinching junk in the flea markets to try to make a living.

How does that Popeye's chicken taste after it's been in the garbage, Judy?
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: BlueStateSaint on November 19, 2014, 06:18:44 AM
TRANSLATION

Now, now--I'm sure that there are more than a few conservative men who could bake a mean apple pie.  I used to bake cheesecakes as a hobby, many years ago.  Then I met my wife . . . and she's never baked me a cheesecake . . . :bawl:  :p
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: franksolich on November 19, 2014, 07:27:18 AM
Well, most of the discussion among the primitives seems to be about using lard or Crisco for the pie crust.

A few highlights, selected at random:

Quote
grasswire (41,898 posts)   Wed Nov 19, 2014, 01:00 AM

36. the Crisco formulation has changed. It's not what your nonnie used.

They changed the procedure to make it less hydrogenated. Many pie bakers didn't appreciate the change. It tastes the same and you will get the same crumb but it is a little harder to handle the dough.
 
My best hint (and I have been at pie baking for a long time) is to roll out your dough between two sheets of waxed paper, using flour so it won't stick. And then you can use the bottom sheet of waxed paper to ease the dough into the pie plate easily.

Quote
Warpy (79,955 posts)    Tue Nov 18, 2014, 04:03 PM

14. Rest that pie dough before rolling it out

Rest it overnight, if possible. That allows the gluten to relax and all the water to be absorbed.
 
That crumbly mess you had to work into enough of a pile to get the plastic or wax paper to close around becomes an actual dough. It's like magic!
 
Think about sprinkling the top of the crust with a little turbinado sugar. The granules are pale brown, not an advantage, but are large crystals that will make the baked crust look like it has ice crystals all over it. It's a nice effect on a closed crust pie. You can use it with or without an egg wash, but the egg wash always makes a pie look like a fancy baker did it.
 
I've always made my own pie crusts, never liked the store stuff and couldn't afford it most of the time. I do a butter crust and like it better, but there is no reason not to use lard if you eat pork products.

Okay, I nadined the pretentious "turbinado sugar," and this is what I got:

Quote
Brown sugar is a sucrose sugar product with a distinctive brown color due to the presence of molasses. It is either an unrefined or partially refined soft sugar consisting of sugar crystals with some residual molasses content, or it is produced by the addition of molasses to refined white sugar (so-called Molasses Sugar).
 
Brown sugar contains from 3.5% molasses (light brown sugar) to 6.5% molasses (dark brown sugar) based on total volume. Based on total weight, regular brown sugar contains up to 10% molasses. The product is naturally moist from the hygroscopic nature of the molasses and is often labelled as "soft." The product may undergo processing to give a product that flows better for industrial handling. The addition of dyes and/or other chemicals may be permitted in some areas or for industrial products.

It seems to me Ms. Hindenberg could've just as well used "brown sugar," unless she just wanted to put on airs.

Quote
grasswire (41,898 posts)    Wed Nov 19, 2014, 01:03 AM

37. good idea

I saw some Opals for the first time yesterday at the market and was surprised by them. What DO they taste like?
 
My favorites for pie:

Gravenstein (out of season)
Spitzenberg
Granny Smith
Newton Pippin

Quote
grasswire (41,898 posts)    Wed Nov 19, 2014, 01:06 AM

38. NEVER PUT YOUR HOT PIE PLATE on a cool or damp surface

Pyrex will shatter under those circumstances.

I always put the hot pie on a pot holder on a cooling rack.

Well, I suppose all the advice, here and that not brought here, is good, but really, this is just a game Skippy's playing, to cloak how he really feels about things.

The guy wet-dreams of gallows and guillotines and gas-chambers, remember.

<<<can hardly wait until Skippy's brain problems are over and he's off medications, so that he can post when drunk again, telling us all what he really thinks.
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: landofconfusion80 on November 19, 2014, 07:39:07 AM
The secret to good apple pie is.... pears. and some lemon juice.
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: franksolich on November 19, 2014, 07:48:04 AM
The secret to good apple pie is.... pears. and some lemon juice.

It's been a very long time since my maternal ancestress of sacred memory was around, but I recall she used to sprinkle some lemon juice on top of apple pies.

I wouldn't know--this is all so very long ago--but perhaps she even occasionally put in a little bit of pear; it seems to me she did stuff like that.

Her apple pies of course were good.

She made them with both solid top crusts, and lattice-top crusts.

One awesome characteristic of the solid top crusts was that as the pie baked, the apples sank and the top crust rose, and so when the pie was cut, there was a big yawning chasm between the downfallen apples, and the uplifted top crust.
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: Mr Mannn on November 19, 2014, 08:01:54 AM
Now, now--I'm sure that there are more than a few conservative men who could bake a mean apple pie.  I used to bake cheesecakes as a hobby, many years ago.  Then I met my wife . . . and she's never baked me a cheesecake . . . :bawl:  :p
Yes, but we don't use "organic apples." We use Mannnly apples with lots of healthy chemicals and no worms.
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: BlueStateSaint on November 19, 2014, 10:08:49 AM
Yes, but we don't use "organic apples." We use Mannnly apples with lots of healthy chemicals and no worms.

Don't 'cha know it! :-)
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: Dori on November 19, 2014, 10:52:41 AM
Well I learned something new.  One Dummy uses vodka in her pie crust.

2 ½ cups unbleached all-purpose flour (12 1/2 ounces)
1 teaspoon table salt
2 tablespoons sugar
12 tablespoons cold unsalted butter (1 1/2 sticks), cut into 1/4-inch slices
½ cup chilled solid vegetable shortening, cut into 4 pieces
¼ cup vodka, cold
¼ cup cold water

http://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/12852-christopher-kimballs-foolproof-pie-dough

Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: JohnnyReb on November 19, 2014, 11:08:33 AM
Anyone remember 30/40 years ago when the Japanese refused to buy Washington state grown apples because of chemicals.....it all came up during some trade agreements ruckus.....well. in Japan they grew perfect organic apples. They pinched off about 2/3's of the apple blossoms and then tied a bag over the ones that were left to protect them from the bugs. While we were paying 15 cent for an apple here the Japanese were paying $5 for an apple in Japan.

Using the jap method today to grow perfect organic apples here even with illegal alien labor would probably cost $10 per apple....only the evil 1% could afford them.....and DUmmies would demand more foodstamps so kids could eat more fruit.
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: zeitgeist on November 19, 2014, 11:24:13 AM
Meh, I been watching "Moonshiners" again so I immediately thought he wanted to make "Apple Pie Liquor".  Never mind.  I'll jus hoist up my overalls and head on outa here.   :tongue:   
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: landofconfusion80 on November 19, 2014, 11:41:34 AM
It's been a very long time since my maternal ancestress of sacred memory was around, but I recall she used to sprinkle some lemon juice on top of apple pies.

I wouldn't know--this is all so very long ago--but perhaps she even occasionally put in a little bit of pear; it seems to me she did stuff like that.

Her apple pies of course were good.

She made them with both solid top crusts, and lattice-top crusts.

One awesome characteristic of the solid top crusts was that as the pie baked, the apples sank and the top crust rose, and so when the pie was cut, there was a big yawning chasm between the downfallen apples, and the uplifted top crust.
I had the same thing happen with my crusts.  It seemed like the egg wash would stiffen the whole top of it so there was a huge cave under there.  The pears don't cook down as much and compliment the flavor of the apples.  I guess the acids in the lemon juice tenderize the apples?  I don't really know why it's in there
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: Big Dog on November 19, 2014, 01:17:48 PM
Mmmm..... pie.

(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/6d/Nice_Cleavage.jpg)
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: GOBUCKS on November 19, 2014, 01:53:40 PM
in Japan they grew perfect organic apples. They pinched off about 2/3's of the apple blossoms and then tied a bag over the ones that were left to protect them from the bugs. While we were paying 15 cent for an apple here the Japanese were paying $5 for an apple in Japan.
In Japan, I've seen perfect little watermelons selling for $100 and up.
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: VivisMom on November 19, 2014, 02:07:47 PM
Meh, I been watching "Moonshiners" again so I immediately thought he wanted to make "Apple Pie Liquor".  Never mind.  I'll jus hoist up my overalls and head on outa here.   :tongue:

I made some last year and let me tell you, it's good. HIGHLY recommend making it.
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: njpines on November 19, 2014, 02:28:14 PM
Shop Rite has pies on sale for $1.88 this week, we picked up a bunch to keep in the freezer and 1 of them was a Dutch Apple Pie, almost as good as homemade.

yes they do, homegirl! You're cracking me up!
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: BattleHymn on November 19, 2014, 02:37:54 PM
In Japan, I've seen perfect little watermelons selling for $100 and up.

Were they next to the panty vending machines?
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: Big Dog on November 19, 2014, 04:14:46 PM
Meh, I been watching "Moonshiners" again so I immediately thought he wanted to make "Apple Pie Liquor".  Never mind.  I'll jus hoist up my overalls and head on outa here.   :tongue:

After watching 'Justified', I'll pass on the Apple Pie moonshine.

Thanks, just the same.
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: BannedFromDU on November 19, 2014, 04:24:08 PM
After watching 'Justified', I'll pass on the Apple Pie moonshine.

Thanks, just the same.


     It's in the glass, not the jar. Nothing to worry about.


     
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: Big Dog on November 19, 2014, 05:20:17 PM

     It's in the glass, not the jar. Nothing to worry about.


   

Reckon I'd drink straight from the jug, then!
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: delilahmused on November 19, 2014, 06:02:21 PM
It seems as though from what I've read that organic fruits and vegetables cause high outbreaks of E-coli.

My apples are organic but they come from my own tree. I also make a kick ass apple pie.

Cindie
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: DefiantSix on November 19, 2014, 06:59:12 PM
My apples are organic but they come from my own tree. I also make a kick ass apple pie.

Cindie

But then again, your hygiene stands head and shoulders above your typical DUmmy's, as well.

Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: landofconfusion80 on November 19, 2014, 09:14:26 PM
Quote
In Japan, I've seen perfect little watermelons selling for $100 and up.

was that $100 apiece or by the pair?

(http://i2.asntown.net/h4/asia/6/summer-fruits/asian-girl-holds-watermelon-01.jpg)
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: GOBUCKS on November 19, 2014, 10:26:56 PM
Quote
Tue Nov 18, 2014, 12:46 PM
grasswire (41,901 posts)
5. Last year I used more than 20 pounds of butter for Christmas baking.

A lot of butter for a homeless wacko.

Poor addled grasswipe Judy Smith uses butter the way coach uses sour cream.

Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: Big Dog on November 19, 2014, 10:39:22 PM
(http://i2.asntown.net/h4/asia/6/summer-fruits/asian-girl-holds-watermelon-01.jpg)

Mmmm... pie.
Title: Re: Skippy wants to make an apple pie
Post by: thundley4 on November 19, 2014, 11:44:58 PM
was that $100 apiece or by the pair?

(http://i2.asntown.net/h4/asia/6/summer-fruits/asian-girl-holds-watermelon-01.jpg)

I can't help but  notice the stem delving in to her navel.  Is that homage to tentacle porn?