eridani (41,610 posts)
Here Are 4 Ways We’re Accidentally Teaching Kids That Consent Doesn't Matter
http://www.upworthy.com/here-are-4-ways-were-accidentally-teaching-kids-that-consent-doesnt-matter?c=upw1
The third way that we sometimes teach kids that consent isn't important is through forced hugs and kisses and this is all in the of teaching politeness. We want them to give Uncle Joe a hug and kiss when you see him because he's their elder, and it's important to respect him in that way, and because he wants a hug and a kiss, regardless of how your child is feeling. And the idea of being that if they don't go give Uncle Joe a hug and a kiss it reflects poorly on you, that your kids are rude or, you know, standoff-ish or whatever. And we worry about that as parents and so then we end up, you know, whether it's by force or coercion getting our kids to hug and kiss someone that they don't want to.
This is a huge red flag. You know, we don't want our teen daughters or our teen sons to be in a sexual situation where they're feeling like they don't really wanna continue, but they feel like they can't say anything because they've come this far and it would be rude to stop or that type of thing. That is exactly the problems that we get in young adults with not asking for consent but also not being bale to give it because you don't feel that you have that place to say no, I'm not comfortable with this, we need to stop right now. So it's very important not to make your kids hug and kiss, or you know, shake hands or anything like that, you know. "You know Uncle Joe, you saw him last year," and if Uncle Joe asks for a hug or kiss, you can say, "Do you want to give him a hug or a kiss or just wave hi?" And then have a wave hi or, you know, blow a kiss or whatever is comfortable in your family for some type of non touching related greeting.
And also, you don't have to force your kid to greet someone that they don't want. We often are forcing our kids to hug relatives that to them they don't even remember, very distant relatives, and we wonder why sexual abuse is so frequently a family member and why the kids didn't tell mom and dad when they've been taught their whole lives that they should respect their elders, that they should be giving physical affection to family members, so it becomes very hard for them to say 'I was touched in in an inappropriate way.' So this one has a very big implication right now for child sexual abuse. You really want your kids to know that they could say no and they never have to be touched in a way that they don't wanna be touched, and also for when they're older so that they feel like whenever they get that feeling in their stomach that 'I don't wanna do this next thing. I don't wanna be touched in this way" that they know that they can say no.
delrem (4,949 posts)
1. My mother's great-grand-daughter didn't want to kiss her.
My mother is very old. Beyond anything her great-grand-daughter had ever experienced.
Of course nobody forced the young girl to kiss the old lady. Jeeeeeeees, people.
Let's be real.
eridani (41,610 posts)
2. So, are you saying consent doesn't really matter? n/t
delrem (4,949 posts)
3. how could you possibly imagine that?
that goes entirely against the experience I related.
Skittles (95,135 posts)
4. what you related
doesn't make much sense
delrem (4,949 posts)
5. Oh.
I apologize.
It was a piece of actual history from my family.
Skittles (95,135 posts)
6. it's just easily misunderstood
are you saying no one coerces their children into contact they'd rather avoid? I've seen it quite frequently.
I see you're doing it again here:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10025241662
wtf do you mean?
delrem This message was hidden by Jury decision. Hide
7. **** off. I never said any such thing!
You guys are ****ing crazy.QuoteA Jury voted 4-3 to hide this post on Tue Jul 15, 2014, 06:47 AM. Reason: This post is disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate.
Number one is tickling and other types of rough house play. Now, I think that tickling and being silly and pretending to eat my kid's feet is one of the greatest parenting skills out there. So, I definitely don't think that tickling is bad or rough housing is bad. I think the important thing is that the minute your kid says no, you stop. Even if you know they're kidding, teach them that 'no' means that the other person will stop.
OK, the second way that we sometimes teach kids that consent doesn't matter, is by contradicting their feelings. And I think this is a huge problem because it just comes on naturally, and I talked about this before where a kid says, "I'm cold," and we say, "No, it's no... No, you're not. It's hot in here." Or "I'm hungry," "No, you're not. You just ate." "I'm tired..." "No, you weren't, you just got up from your nap." I think that we, you know, in our minds as parents we know 'What? Why are they saying this? They, she can't be hungry, she just ate." But by saying so we teach them not to trust their own instincts and their own feelings. And then, these are feelings that we want them to trust, you know, when they're in their 20s and in a situation that they're not feeling comfortable with. We want them to trust their gut reaction.
Alright. And the fourth way that we sometimes teach kids that consent doesn't matter, kind of plays like the last one, and that's just generally respecting your elders. Right now on Pinterest, a very popular article is getting pinned a lot about the interrupt rule. And this is a rule that kids instead of interrupting you when you're on the phone or you're talking to another adult in person that you teach them to put their had on your shoulder, so that you know they need them, and you can put your hand back acknowledging that 'I acknowledge that you need me, I'll be just a second'. And then it teaches kids not to interrupt.
How to eliminate the so-called "rape culture":(http://www.gunshowstoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/NTYDTTRdayLogo4-2-295x300.jpg)
Raise your daughter to be a lioness, not a sheep.
So, anything that doesn't teach children that they are the center of the universe is reinforcing rape culture.
You want to know what will REALLY reinforce a rape culture?
RAISING GENERATIONS OF SELF-ENTITLED NARCISSISTS!
OK, the second way that we sometimes teach kids that consent doesn't matter, is by contradicting their feelings. And I think this is a huge problem because it just comes on naturally, and I talked about this before where a kid says, "I'm cold," and we say, "No, you're not. It's hot in here." Or "I'm hungry," "No, you're not. You just ate."
God they are just stupid.
delrem (4,949 posts)
1. My mother's great-grand-daughter didn't want to kiss her.
BREAKING NEWS! Most little kids don't, jackass.