The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: franksolich on October 08, 2013, 09:24:23 PM
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I'm still trying to fine-tune the Top DUmmies awards--nominations begin a mere fifty days hence, on Thanksgiving Eve--and have for a while been contemplating adding a fourth special award.
As it now stands in the Top DUmmies awards, which are given out between Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve every year, there's twenty primitives chosen to be Top DUmmies. The bottom ten of the top twenty get one award, given en masse, with half a sentence or so describing each primitive.
The top ten of the top twenty each gets his or her own award.
And then there's three special awards:
-the William Rivers Pitt, the "Willie," for the primitive who did much to spread around and enhance the reputation and good name of Skins's island (any years, not just this one);
-the Steven Dawes, the "Steve," for the primitive who made the biggest fool of himself during the past year (one supposes "wallduding"); and
-the Robyn McGrath, the "Rob," for the primitive who was the most laughable, the most amusing, during the past year.
For a while, I've been contemplating a fourth award, to be called either the Michael Pantano--the "Mike"--or the Eva Gage--the "Eva"--for the most racist primitive on Skins's island the past year.
But I dunno; this is just an idea I'm tossing around.
I selected "Mike" or "Eva" for the award, because one might recall two years ago, it was the sparkling old dude and the bitter old Vermontese cali primitive who were the first to attack an innocent man who'd defended himself against a thug. They were the first ones to bring up the issue on Skins's island, purposely inciting the primitives into a frenzy of race-hate.
If they hadn't mentioned it, the primitives would've never known about it, and we would've been spared all this stupid nonsense.
But I dunno. Any alternative ideas, or thoughts?
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That's great!
More disrespect for Pedro!
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That's great!
More disrespect for Pedro!
Yeah, I was so sloppy I misspelled his last name, thus the edit.
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No! It was much better before the edit!
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No! It was much better before the edit!
McGuire, McGrath, McWhatever; they all seem the same to me.
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Joooooooooooooooooooos!!!!!!
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McGuire, McGrath, McWhatever; they all seem the same to me.
McGrath and McGuire couldn't get no higher, but that's what they were aiming at.
And no one's getting fat except Mama Cass.
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Joooooooooooooooooooos!!!!!!
I'm with Dutch on this one. :cheersmate:
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I go with the "Eva", because the name reminds me of Eva Braun, Hitler's girlfriend/wife.
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I go with the "Eva", because the name reminds me of Eva Braun, Hitler's girlfriend/wife.
Seriously, one has to admit the Trayvon-Zimmerman brohuahua was not one of Skins's island's finer hours.
The primitives yowling for an innocent man's head made old-time southern Democrats look paragons of love and tolerance; the world hadn't seen such a thing since the blood-lust of German socialists 1933-1945.
If I'd been my fellow alum Skins, I would've banned both the bitter old Vermontese cali primitive and the sparkling old dude, for all the damage they did the good name and reputation of Skins's island, purposely inciting the primitives to run around like that, in a frenzied orgiastic bacchanalia of hate and racism.
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Frank,
Are you writing this year's awards? If so, somewhere along the lines I must have mistakenly read that last year was your final year.
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Frank,
Are you writing this year's awards? If so, somewhere along the lines I must have mistakenly read that last year was your final year.
No, it was no mistake.
However, when I asked for a volunteer to take over the awards, all that happened was that members were suggesting other members, not themselves.
And inbetweentimes, other things happened.
There's a couple of primitives who look as if they're going to make it into the top ten this year, meaning they get their own awards. I think they deserve the full franksolich treatment, which hasn't been done before because I'm a nice guy.
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Looks like the "EVA" is gonna take the poll like a raging bull, if one could find a bull with a triple chin, raging or otherwise.
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Looks like the "EVA" is gonna take the poll like a raging bull, if one could find a bull with a triple chin, raging or otherwise.
By a slight margin, "Eva" might be more appropriate than "Mike," not least because she seems more motivated by race than he does.
The bitter old Vermontese cali primitive has consistently been an apologist for a certain racial minority--they can't do any wrong, no matter what it is--but I've always thought it odd she doesn't want any of "them" living around her up in northernmost Vermont.
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I went with Eve. No reason the males (notice I didn't say "men." We are, after all, talking about libs) should get all the awards named after them.
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Eva Gage, on her worst, most painkiller-fogged day, is more entertaining than Viagra Mike Pantano could ever hope to be.
After wallduding herself out of her job at that snooty, snotty "teahouse", DUmmy cali's heavy drinking culiminated in a terrible fall, shattering one of her hind legs beyond repair.
Her description of that misstep, crawling for help on her belly like a legless skink, was hilarious.
Then the unending pain, capped off with a hopeless addiction to opiate painkillers, provided some hugely satisfying freudenschade.
Though frequently incoherent, she's still around, often pissing off most of her fellow DUmpmonkeys with rants that fall outside the DUmp code.
The only way Viagra Mike Pantano could compete with Eva would be some detailed accounts of his boudoir failures with Sparkly Monica.
The problem is, he has no where near enough literary skill to bring those comical encounters to life.
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I went with Eve. No reason the males (notice I didn't say "men." We are, after all, talking about libs) should get all the awards named after them.
This doesn't have so much to do with the awards, but ever since the scam that rocked the internet eight and a half years ago, I've found myself handling female primitives with much more care, much more gentleness, much more kindness, than I've handled male primitives.
It's been the difference between night and day, franksolich handling female primitives with kid gloves, and allegedly male primitives with boxing gloves.
I suppose it's a misguided sense of gallantry and chivalry, but I can't help myself.
Anyway.
The reason I'm asking this question is that the schedule for giving the awards is somewhat awkward. There's fourteen literary masterpieces that must be writ the week between Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve, and the order in which they've always been given means there's one hole in that schedule that I'd like plugged up, so as to provide a steady uninterrupted flow the last week of the year.
So probably a fourth special award is in order. It doesn't have to be this special one I've mentioned here; I'm open for suggestions. The only requirement being that it be something for which a particular primitive is famous, so that the award has a name.
The "Willie"'s for the primitive who did the most to spread around, and enhance the reputation of Skins's island; the "Steve"'s for the primitive who proved his own worst enemy (wallduding oneself being one example); the "Rob"'s for the primitive who's simply just side-splittingly funny and preposterous and ridiculous.
Given that all primitives have proven themselves as racist as Jim Crow, I'm open to suggestions other than this, about a fourth special award.
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Since the "Flying Fickle Finger of Fate" award isn't a choice I'll have to go with....hmmm...just can't decide.
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I voted Eva, but I'd call it the "Scrunt"!
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We could call it "The Golden Earwig".
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Since you asked for other ideas, what about a primitive most likely to be dead the following year? It could be from anything- a result of their primitive habits, or just from plain old stupidity.
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Since you asked for other ideas, what about a primitive most likely to be dead the following year? It could be from anything- a result of their primitive habits, or just from plain old stupidity.
Yeah.
The Mark Kregel award, the "Mark."
(<<<not sure if spelled last name right)