The Conservative Cave
The Bar => The Lounge => Topic started by: Mr Mannn on October 02, 2013, 06:52:03 AM
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Stolen from the interwebs long ago
I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic.
A carload of dreadlocked and hoodied, young, loud progressive DumpoCraps, shouting anti-Patriot slogans, with a half- burned effigy of Thos. Jefferson duct taped on the trunk of their car and a "F*** 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, was stopped next to me.
Suddenly they yelled, "Yo M.F. Obama bes da man'. Death to all you old crackas" and took off before the light changed.
Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man, that could have been me!"
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
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I have one, but it's not funny.
I went to the doctor's office recently. My doctor is a young, pretty blonde with small hands (you fellas know why that is important!) She is also a third-year Family Practice resident. She told me that she is going to leave the rural health clinic when she finishes her residency, and is inviting certain patients to move with her to her new practice. She sounded a little bit apologetic, so I said "It's OK, I understand business decisions." She replied, "You make the cut."
I figured I would.
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Yes, I was walking down the street when two hippies tried to force me to smoke pot, vote for Jane Fonda for President, put on patchouli, find my "Inner peas" and begged me for money. Just as they were telling me how to find my chakra, two cops jumped out of the bushes and beat the living shit out of them.
It was a good day.
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The other day, I was walking down the street and met an intelligent Obama voter...
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The other day, I was walking down the street and met an intelligent Obama voter...
:clap:
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The other day, I was walking down the street and met an intelligent Obama voter...
Did he hike his leg at every fire plug?
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The other day, I was walking down the street and met an intelligent Obama voter...
Teh Winnah! H5!
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Oh wait, these are bouncies and not the conservative truth :lmao: Pregnant! and that ain't no lie :naughty:
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This one time, a liberal signed up at a conservative forum and was brief, lucid, and not passive aggressive or snarky at all.
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Oh wait, these are bouncies and not the conservative truth :lmao: Pregnant! and that ain't no lie :naughty:
Well, any bouncies you would like to show us......... :-)
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(http://efunlist.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Funny-Diving-Fail.gif)
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(http://efunlist.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Funny-Diving-Fail.gif)
He didn't bounce. :panic:
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He didn't bounce. :panic:
....and he didn't float either......and I thought shit floated.
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Met a kid who was from a Midwestern dump of a city. I have a soft spot for such people, having come from the area. He wanted to know where he could sign up for free house, free medical, free transportation, free clothing, free internet, free... I can't remember all the free stuff he was used to.
I told him "You just as well be in a whole different country, because we don't give healthy people all that free shit. It's bad for them. Only free thing I'll give ya is a ride to the library so you can apply for your own job."
Well he didn't listen or didn't believe me. The cops jumped out of the bushes and nabbed him a couple times so I guess he got the bare minimum of free stuff (they don't even give you toothpaste in our jails).
He finally used the free internet and the free job service and got a job. And after a few bumps in his road to learning about showing up to work when scheduled, he's keeping it. Better that than a free ticket to an early meeting with his Maker!
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I met a democrat US Representative that could actually read the law they were about to pass....but he still wouldn't read it.