The Conservative Cave
The Bar => The Lounge => Topic started by: CG6468 on July 15, 2013, 02:06:09 PM
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$5.37. That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher.
Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."
I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet? A mere child! A senior citizen?
I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me? I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile. Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler? "Dude, can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"
I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind! "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!" I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn.
What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. Then, a few other objects came into focus: The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard and faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.
Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger!
My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found. I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time.
There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"?
At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits. Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.
She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time." All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.
As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey. The good news was that I had successfully found my way home.
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:lmao:
Excellent!
KC
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This has the old Reader's Digest flavor. Very good!
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This has the old Reader's Digest flavor. Very good!
I didn't check for a source.
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I didn't check for a source.
I thought maybe you wrote it.
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I thought maybe you wrote it.
I thought someone had been following me around and taking notes.
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I thought maybe you wrote it.
No, I'm not that talented any more. I had some things published online, years back.... TFO now...
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I thought someone had been following me around and taking notes.
Hang in there, won't be long before you get up twice at night to check you locked the doors. Put a night light in the bathroom, older we get the more often we get the call in the night.
Best way to keep from going nuts is to get a set pattern of where you place things, keys in just one spot, glasses in another. Can't find your glasses, first thing to do is to check the top of your head, really strange how they get up there.
Label everything, in all rooms in the home, bedroom the draws so you know where the under ware is and where the shirts are kept. Kitchen saves time to know what cupboard holds what.
Actually I had to do this raising 4 kids, made life much easier.
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Vesta thought you moved to Mexico and got a land line installed.
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You left your stove on, right by the iron that you left on.
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<gulp>
This happens at age 56?
Holy shit. I'm living on borrowed time.
But, it ain't all gloom and doom. I'm the guy in town that doesn't own a truck. And I don't do Taco Bell. A blankey? Nope, not me. Mrs. E uses a blankey, but not me.
Damn. I have left my keys behind, that's for sure.
It's just a matter of time. :panic:
Thanks, CG. :mad:
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Many places give the "Senior Citizen" discount at age 55........
WTF ?!?!?!? I'm 55!! :o :rant:
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Many places give the "Senior Citizen" discount at age 55........
WTF ?!?!?!? I'm 55!! :o :rant:
Demographics?
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Many places give the "Senior Citizen" discount at age 55........
WTF ?!?!?!? I'm 55!! :o :rant:
I had some kid give me the discount at Arby's and I just turned 52 2 weeks ago. :argh:
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Wives get blamed for all missing car keys.
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I was laughing so hard. I almost peed my pants!! You know I love ya!! :-)
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And right on time, the instant I turned 50, the damn AARP card arrived in the mail . . . (NO, I will NOT subscribe to that POS organization -- I tore it up!!)
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Thanks, CG. :mad:
Any time, Euph! I'm just trying to help.... :lmao:
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And right on time, the instant I turned 50, the damn AARP card arrived in the mail . . . (NO, I will NOT subscribe to that POS organization -- I tore it up!!)
The AARP existed back then? O-)
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The AARP existed back then? O-)
They communicated by carrier pigeon. :tongue: :fuelfire: :whistling:
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They communicated by carrier pigeon. :tongue: :fuelfire: :whistling:
My people did it by animal calls and smoke signals. :p
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Hey, HEY! Don't pick on pines! She's one of the good people here!
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Hey, HEY! Don't pick on pines! She's one of the good people here!
She's the best! :cheersmate:
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My people did it by animal calls and smoke signals. :p
No stone tablets? :tongue:
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Here is a true story about a trip I made to a local Taco Bell a couple of months back. It was late in the afternoon and I just got off work so I needed a lunch. I went in and ordered the meal and tried to pay with my debit card. It was declined so I told them to let it go. The kid behind the counter said wait and went behind the counter to wear they make the food. I didn't know it but he talked to the shift manager and came back and said ."Don't worry about it. Your meal will me right up" . Talk about dumbfounded. I didn't know the kid or expected him to do anything for me. He didn't have to but I was glad he did. So when I got home 20 minutes later and finished my meal I sent an e-mail to Taco Bells Main office to let them know what happened and I got a response the same day thanking me for telling them about my 3experience and they they are glad they had employee's like that.
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I'm in control, my worries are few...
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdqCg9V48QQ[/youtube]
Never knew I had such a lesson to learn !
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The AARP existed back then? O-)
:rotf: :lmao: :rotf: :lmao: ^5 for that one!
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Hey, HEY! Don't pick on pines! She's one of the good people here!
When I'm good, I'm really good but when I'm bad, I'm better . . . :wink: :-)
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When I'm good, I'm really good but when I'm bad, I'm better . . . :wink: :-)
There was a girl
Who had a curl
In the middle of her forehead...
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When I'm good, I'm really good but when I'm bad, I'm better . . . :wink: :-)
That's what I heard! :-* :rofl:
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I had some kid give me the discount at Arby's and I just turned 52 2 weeks ago. :argh:
That's because you LOOK so old!! :bolt:
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When I'm good, I'm really good but when I'm bad, I'm better . . . :wink: :-)
We could be "bad" together...... :naughty:
jut sayin'........ :popcorn:
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We could be "bad" together...... :naughty:
just sayin'........ :popcorn:
Glad to see you're feeling better, Thor!! :-*
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Thank God we don't have Taco Bell where I live--that's all I'm sayin.
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The older I get, the hotter the 50 yo women look.
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The older I get, the hotter the 50 yo women look.
That is not a straight line chart. It's a geometric progression!
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That is not a straight line chart. It's a geometric progression!
it's hard to believe I will be the big 50 in a couple of years. If I want to maintain my 30 something looks, I had better get going with the Oil of Olay :-)
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it's hard to believe I will be the big 50 in a couple of years. If I want to maintain my 30 something looks, I had better get going with the Oil of Olay :-)
That's the spirit!
h5
But getcher damned lobstah out of my bacon, y'heah?
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it's hard to believe I will be the big 50 in a couple of years. If I want to maintain my 30 something looks, I had better get going with the Oil of Olay :-)
10W30 will also work....and lube you up for other purposes..... :bolt:
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That's the spirit!
h5
But getcher damned lobstah out of my bacon, y'heah?
I would not be a true New Englandah, if I didn't like lobstah!!
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I would not be a true New Englandah, if I didn't like lobstah and have claws!!
Just trying to help...... :wink: :-*
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The older I get, the hotter the 50 yo women look.
Hi there! :wink: :-)
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Hi there! :wink: :-)
Hey, there! :wink: :naughty:
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it's hard to believe I will be the big 50 in a couple of years. If I want to maintain my 30 something looks, I had better get going with the Oil of Olay :-)
Do they sell that in 55 gallon drums? :tongue:
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Do they sell that in 55 gallon drums? :tongue:
hahahaha ...funny man!!
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Hi there! :wink: :-)
:-*
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Glad to see you're feeling better, Thor!! :-*
:blowkiss:
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Great to see ya around again, Thor!