The Conservative Cave

The Bar => Comedy Central => Topic started by: CG6468 on July 06, 2013, 11:23:27 AM

Title: Today's World
Post by: CG6468 on July 06, 2013, 11:23:27 AM
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning...

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The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 21, and her name's Kathy.

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The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.

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A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"

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I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."

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My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.

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The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.
 
Title: Re: Today's World
Post by: obumazombie on July 06, 2013, 01:10:40 PM
What do you say to a blond with 2 black eyes ?
Title: Re: Today's World
Post by: vesta111 on July 06, 2013, 02:02:55 PM
What do you say to a blond with 2 black eyes ?

Quit trying to look through the windows of your boy friends house, it may not be his wife he is screwing
but your husband.
Title: Re: Today's World
Post by: Hathcock on July 11, 2013, 02:57:09 PM
What do you say to a blond with 2 black eyes ?

nothing you haven't told her twice already...
Title: Re: Today's World
Post by: obumazombie on July 11, 2013, 02:58:18 PM
nothing you haven't told her twice already...

Haah !