The Conservative Cave
The Bar => The Lounge => Topic started by: ReardenSteel on June 14, 2008, 11:13:45 PM
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So. How's the weather CC? Local sports team doing well? Anyone wanna hear my bar jokes?
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I vote bar jokes.
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Bar jokes are good.
Rented the Bucket List, so I'm watching that. It's pretty good so far. Got a few chuckles out of it.
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A termite walks into a bar and says "Hey! Is the bar tender here?"
Fair warning. They are pretty much all like that. :p
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:rimshot:
oh god :lmao:
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Baby seal walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a Canadian Club on the rocks".
Tah dum dum.
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Baby seal walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a Canadian Club on the rocks".
Tah dum dum.
That's just wrong. :rotf:
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For the geeks among us...
A default Sans Serif font walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type here!"
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Two men walk into a bar. The third man ducks.
Horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?".
A three legged dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the man that shot my paw!"
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For the geeks among us...
A default Sans Serif font walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type here!"
LOL
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For the geeks among us...
A default Sans Serif font walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type here!"
Great one. LOL I thought you were in bed. (it's not innuendo if I stop here)
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Two atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."
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:rotf: good ones RS....
A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.
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Okay, this movie just turned sappy and dull. :whatever:
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A man is refused entrance into a bar for not wearing a necktie. In desperation, he grabs his jumper cables from the car and fashions a knot. On his return, the bouncer stares at him for a few seconds and says, "OK. You can come in I guess. Just don't start anything.".
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For the geeks among us...
A default Sans Serif font walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type here!"
Great one. LOL I thought you were in bed. (it's not innuendo if I stop here)
I see you were all anxious to get rid of me too. Now I know why women slap you. :hammer:
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A man is refused entrance into a bar for not wearing a necktie. In desperation, he grabs his jumper cables from the car and fashions a knot. On his return, the bouncer stares at him for a few seconds and says, "OK. You can come in I guess. Just don't start anything.".
:lmao:
I laft for real.
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A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.
A shrimp walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here.".
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There is this lady and she is struggling having a baby so the doctor brings out these pills and he tells her each of these pills takes away a quarter of the pain, but sends it to the father of the baby.
So she takes one and her husband says "Women are wimps, I feel no pain"
Then she takes another and her husband says "Man this doesn't hurt."
So she takes, two more and has no problem having the baby and neither her nor her husband are in pain.
Two days later they come home with the baby and the milk man is dead on their doorstep
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For the geeks among us...
A default Sans Serif font walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type here!"
Great one. LOL I thought you were in bed. (it's not innuendo if I stop here)
I see you were all anxious to get rid of me too. Now I know why women slap you. :hammer:
You got me all wrong. But I can't respond properly in an "innuendo free" thread. I've tied my hands.
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There is this lady and she is struggling having a baby so the doctor brings out these pills and he tells her each of these pills takes away a quarter of the pain, but sends it to the father of the baby.
So she takes one and her husband says "Women are wimps, I feel no pain"
Then she takes another and her husband says "Man this doesn't hurt."
So she takes, two more and has no problem having the baby and neither her nor her husband are in pain.
Two days later they come home with the baby and the milk man is dead on their doorstep
Uhhh, OUCH! For so many reasons. :lmao:
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[youtube=425,350]Q9YL0yHohts[/youtube]
:-)
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For the geeks among us...
A default Sans Serif font walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type here!"
Great one. LOL I thought you were in bed. (it's not innuendo if I stop here)
I see you were all anxious to get rid of me too. Now I know why women slap you. :hammer:
You got me all wrong. But I can't respond properly in an "innuendo free" thread. I've tied my hands.
Perfect!
Here is another funny....
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"
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A woman walks into a shop that sells expensive Persian Rugs.
Looking around, she spots the perfect rug, walks over and inspects it.
As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly.
Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her 'little accident' and hopes a sales person does not pop up right now.
As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day Ma'am, how may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably she asks, "How much does this rug cost?"
He answers, "Lady if you farted just touching it, you're gonna crap your pants when you hear what the price is."
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A woman walks into a shop that sells expensive Persian Rugs.
Looking around, she spots the perfect rug, walks over and inspects it.
As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly.
Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her 'little accident' and hopes a sales person does not pop up right now.
As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day Ma'am, how may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably she asks, "How much does this rug cost?"
He answers, "Lady if you farted just touching it, you're gonna crap your pants when you hear what the price is."
:evillaugh: ok... now I go sleepers.......good night all.
Congrats RS on your 1k. :cheersmate:
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:yawn:
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For the geeks among us...
A default Sans Serif font walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type here!"
Great one. LOL I thought you were in bed. (it's not innuendo if I stop here)
I see you were all anxious to get rid of me too. Now I know why women slap you. :hammer:
You got me all wrong. But I can't respond properly in an "innuendo free" thread. I've tied my hands.
Perfect!
Here is another funny....
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"
HA!!
Reminds me of the hunter who brought tennis shoes on his hunting trip. His buddy says, "Why tennis shoes on a hunting trip?" The hunter says, "In case of bears". Buddy says, "You can't outrun a bear". The hunter replies, "i know, but with these on I can outrun you"
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Two.
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More.
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Posts!
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And for post number 1000. I shall revive my zombie song thead. (covers addition)
That song is dedicated to the ladies who helped me get to my goal tonight. Thanks for reading my goofy jokes ladies. (and everyone else too)
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Thanks Miss Mia and Schade. That last cover song is just for you guys.
Thanks all.
Thanks Chris for showing me the way to a lot
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more
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posts!
:rotf:
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(http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y138/firelatte/smiles/congrats.gif) (http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y138/firelatte/smiles/congrats.gif) (http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y138/firelatte/smiles/congrats.gif) (http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y138/firelatte/smiles/congrats.gif)
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(http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y138/firelatte/smiles/congrats.gif) (http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y138/firelatte/smiles/congrats.gif) (http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y138/firelatte/smiles/congrats.gif) (http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y138/firelatte/smiles/congrats.gif)
Thanks for the help. I loved your jokes.
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(http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y138/firelatte/smiles/congrats.gif) (http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y138/firelatte/smiles/congrats.gif) (http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y138/firelatte/smiles/congrats.gif) (http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y138/firelatte/smiles/congrats.gif)
Thanks for the help. I loved your jokes.
I had to cheat and look some up online.
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Everyone keep an eye on someone approaching the post count of 1337. When Crazy Horse reached it at usmilnet, it didn't say "1337", it said "Leet". Don't know why. I do know the connotation, just don't know why the software did it.
Attero is the closest:
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php?action=profile;u=67
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(http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y138/firelatte/smiles/congrats.gif) (http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y138/firelatte/smiles/congrats.gif) (http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y138/firelatte/smiles/congrats.gif) (http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y138/firelatte/smiles/congrats.gif)
Thanks for the help. I loved your jokes.
I had to cheat and look some up online.
I was a bartender but I'm sure all of mine are online too. The point is you had the whole wide internets and you chose with style!
:cheersmate:
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Maybe I should do the same to get to 5,000....?
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Maybe I should do the same to get to 5,000....?
:thatsright:
No. :-)
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Maybe I should do the same to get to 5,000....?
I started with about 20 post to go. (or so)
You may need to start yours with a cat picture or music thead. (??) :-)
Hey, I've got it! How about a "favorite music to listen too while searching for LOLcats all night drinking party" thread? You would hit 5k in no time.
:cheersmate: