The Conservative Cave
The Bar => The Lounge => Topic started by: mamacags on June 01, 2008, 07:13:01 PM
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Just for all of the really really dumbass things that happen in Florida.
Another Criterion for Teacher Certification: Police in Fort Myers, Fla., were called to Royal Palm Exceptional School in April and wound up arresting an 8-year-old boy named Deshawn for punching his female teacher in the face, leaving several bruises. Said Deshawn's grandmother, Dorothy Williams, when interviewed by WBBH-TV: "He gets very upset, and he loves to hit," but "If he was overpowering her that much, I feel like she shouldn't be in that line of work." [MSNBC-WBBH-TV (Fort Myers), 4-24-08]
At One With Nature: Cameron Fritzson, 20, landed in the hospital in critical condition in May after he scaled first the outer, 10-foot fence at an electrical substation in Pembroke Pines, Fla., and then the main electrical tower, where his arm brushed against a live wire. Police said Fritzson was after a parakeet's nest at the top so he could sell the eggs to a pet store for as much as $20 each. [South Florida Sun-Sentinel, 5-12-08]
Two men who stole a kayak and went joyriding on Moon Lake near New Port Richey, Fla., drowned when the boat capsized (March). [St. Petersburg Times, 3-30-08]
Kinder, Gentler Government: The county government in Tampa, Fla., revealed in April that because of its unusual interpretation of state law, all of its inmates on work-release programs during the last 15 years have been accruing pension and post-retirement health-care credits. [St. Petersburg Times, 4-15-08]
A 26-year-old driver was arrested in Bay County, Fla., in April after being spotted on the side of a road masturbating. According to the police report, the man said "he had just left work and explained that he needed some personal time with himself that he could not have at home." [Northwest Florida Daily News, 4-2-08]
Latest Police Chases: In Ocala, Fla., in March, Bret Wass, 28, scrambling from police investigating a sexual battery, commandeered a tow truck and drove away, even though the truck had a car hooked onto it; during the chase, he hit the patrol car and was captured on foot nearby. [WKMG-TV (Orlando), 4-1-08]
Even though 20 states outlaw keeping monkeys as pets, the Humane Society of the U.S. estimates that there are 15,000 privately owned primates, with at least 200 Floridians licensed for pet capuchins, according to an April Orlando Sentinel report. Since experts warn that the animals are biters and scratchers and are very aggressive when agitated, the Sentinel asked what accounts for their popularity. Said the editor of Monkey Matters Magazine, it's their humanlike features and owners' desires to dress them up. "Believe me," said the editor, "if people could get their cats (into) outfits, a lot of those cats would be wearing outfits." [Orlando Sentinel, 4-7-08
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A Jacksonville, Fla., woman who smelled something unusual in her home on Nov. 15 decided to light the fireplace to clear the air, and a gas leak created a fire that destroyed the home; [Florida Times-Union (Jacksonville), 11-16-07]
Not Ready for Prime Time: Two boys, 12 and 14, were quickly arrested in Port St. Lucie, Fla., in March when they tried to rob a woman who was working at a counter behind protective glass in an office, by picking up the convenience phone and threatening her, implying that they had a gun. The woman was in no danger because of the protective glass, but besides that, the place they had chosen for the hit was a regional office of the Port St. Lucie police department. [Port St. Lucie News, 3-13-08]
Orlando "public artist" Brian Feldman celebrated Feb. 29 (Leap Day) by devoting himself to "leaping," according to a report on WOFL-TV. For the entire 24 hours, beginning at midnight, Feldman leaped off a 12-foot-high platform every three minutes and 56 seconds (a total of 366 times). Said Feldman, "I thought it would be a good idea to get people to think how they spend their day." [WOFL-TV (Orlando), 2-29-08]
Ernest Simmons was convicted of attempted murder of two sheriff's deputies despite his defense that he only "accidentally" shot at them (11 times, using two guns) (Orlando, January). [WFTV (Orlando), 1-31-08
Accused purse-snatcher Derrick Dale, 21, said that the purse fell on his foot and (according to the arrest report) "the next thing he knew, (it) was in his hands" (Destin, Fla., January). [Northwest Florida Daily News, 1-18-08]
:mental:
All of these were taken just from the past month +/- from http://www.newsoftheweird.com/index.html
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maybe we just need a dumbass forum. :-)
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maybe we just need a dumbass forum. :-)
I thought the B/W of DU was the dumbass forum.
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maybe we just need a dumbass forum. :-)
I thought the B/W of DU was the dumbass forum.
well, that is a good point.
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I check fark.com daily for odd stories and such. Florida is such a flucked up state, that they have their own tag for all the stupid thing that happen there. Like their latest.
(Local6) Florida 58-year-old transvestite grabs 73-year-old woman's boobies in church. With mugshot goodness
(WFTV) Florida Girl's MySpace page says 19 and divorced. Guy 22, meets with her, has sex. Oops, she's 13. He gets a year in prison. FARK: The first guy she did this to got 5 years in jail
http://www.fark.com/
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A Florida forum.....sorta like a Best/Worst of Shannon?
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I check fark.com daily for odd stories and such. Florida is such a flucked up state, that they have their own tag for all the stupid thing that happen there. Like their latest.
(Local6) Florida 58-year-old transvestite grabs 73-year-old woman's boobies in church. With mugshot goodness
(WFTV) Florida Girl's MySpace page says 19 and divorced. Guy 22, meets with her, has sex. Oops, she's 13. He gets a year in prison. FARK: The first guy she did this to got 5 years in jail
http://www.fark.com/
when I lived in FL, they blamed all of the oddities on the transplants. :-)
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I check fark.com daily for odd stories and such. Florida is such a flucked up state, that they have their own tag for all the stupid thing that happen there. Like their latest.
(Local6) Florida 58-year-old transvestite grabs 73-year-old woman's boobies in church. With mugshot goodness
(WFTV) Florida Girl's MySpace page says 19 and divorced. Guy 22, meets with her, has sex. Oops, she's 13. He gets a year in prison. FARK: The first guy she did this to got 5 years in jail
http://www.fark.com/
when I lived in FL, they blamed all of the oddities on the transplants. :-)
And there is some validity to that thinking. Then one must wonder what it is about Florida which attracts freaks of every nature. Is it the weather? Is it the geographical shape of the state? Is it a case of like seeking like?
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I check fark.com daily for odd stories and such. Florida is such a flucked up state, that they have their own tag for all the stupid thing that happen there. Like their latest.
(Local6) Florida 58-year-old transvestite grabs 73-year-old woman's boobies in church. With mugshot goodness
(WFTV) Florida Girl's MySpace page says 19 and divorced. Guy 22, meets with her, has sex. Oops, she's 13. He gets a year in prison. FARK: The first guy she did this to got 5 years in jail
http://www.fark.com/
when I lived in FL, they blamed all of the oddities on the transplants. :-)
And there is some validity to that thinking. Then one must wonder what it is about Florida which attracts freaks of every nature. Is it the weather? Is it the geographical shape of the state? Is it a case of like seeking like?
I always assumed it was the nekkidness.
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I check fark.com daily for odd stories and such. Florida is such a flucked up state, that they have their own tag for all the stupid thing that happen there. Like their latest.
(Local6) Florida 58-year-old transvestite grabs 73-year-old woman's boobies in church. With mugshot goodness
(WFTV) Florida Girl's MySpace page says 19 and divorced. Guy 22, meets with her, has sex. Oops, she's 13. He gets a year in prison. FARK: The first guy she did this to got 5 years in jail
http://www.fark.com/
when I lived in FL, they blamed all of the oddities on the transplants. :-)
And there is some validity to that thinking. Then one must wonder what it is about Florida which attracts freaks of every nature. Is it the weather? Is it the geographical shape of the state? Is it a case of like seeking like?
I always assumed it was the nekkidness.
All the above ;)
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Most serial killers while out on their sprees all end up with a tour through Fl. Also don't forget Eileen Warnose, the first and only female (OK that's debatable) serial killer who lived and participated in her hobby in Fl.
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You know you're a Floridian if....
Socks are only for bowling.
You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes.
A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade.
Your winter coat is made of denim.
You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.
You're younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.
Anything under 70 degrees is chilly.
You've driven through Yeehaw Junction.
You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.
Every other house in your neighborhood had blue roofs in 2004-2005.
You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking up for.
You dread love bug season.
You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren't Hurricane Charley or Hurricane Frances. You know them as Andrew, Charley , Frances , Ivan and Jeanne.
You know what a snowbird is and when they'll leave.
You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.
'Down South' means Key West ..
Flip-flops are everyday wear. Shoes are for business meetings and church, but you HAVE worn flip flops to church before.
You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.
You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.
A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.
You know the four seasons really are: hurricane season, love bug season, tourist season and summer.
You've hosted a hurricane party.
You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee , Withlacoochee and Micanopy.
You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat, than have a boat yourself.
You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.
You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas and New Years.
You recognize Miami-Dade as ' Northern Cuba . '
You not only forward this but you understand it!
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Florida
(http://i261.photobucket.com/albums/ii59/Cane_Nation/warren-770579-1.jpg)
Nuff said
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I check fark.com daily for odd stories and such. Florida is such a flucked up state, that they have their own tag for all the stupid thing that happen there. Like their latest.
(Local6) Florida 58-year-old transvestite grabs 73-year-old woman's boobies in church. With mugshot goodness
(WFTV) Florida Girl's MySpace page says 19 and divorced. Guy 22, meets with her, has sex. Oops, she's 13. He gets a year in prison. FARK: The first guy she did this to got 5 years in jail
http://www.fark.com/
I would just like to remind you guys that Florida is populated by your parents, come down here and get them.