The Conservative Cave
The Bar => Comedy Central => Topic started by: Linda on July 10, 2012, 12:35:17 PM
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I got this in an email and just wanted to pass it on:
The person that wrote this is a college student.
Perhaps there is hope for us after
all.
DIVORCE AGREEMENT
THIS IS
SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE
IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT!!! WHATEVER HE
RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.
Dear
American liberals, leftists, social
progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama
supporters, et al: We have stuck together since
the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but
the whole of this latest election process has
made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we
tolerated each other for many years for the sake
of future generations, but sadly, this
relationship has clearly run its
course.
Our two ideological sides of
America cannot and will not ever agree on what
is right for us all, so let's just end it on
friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to
irreconcilable differences and go our own
way.
Here is a model separation
agreement:
Our two groups can equitably
divide up the country by landmass each taking a
similar portion. That will be
the
difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can
come to a friendly agreement. After that, it
should be relatively easy! Our respective
representatives can effortlessly divide other
assets since both sides have such distinct and
disparate tastes.
We don't like
redistributive taxes so you can keep
them. You are
welcome to the liberal judges and the
ACLU .
--Since
you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms,
the cops, the NRA and the military.
--We'll
take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can
go with wind, solar and biodiesel.
--You can
keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell.
You are, however, responsible for finding a
bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three
of them.
--We'll keep capitalism, greedy
corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart
and Wall Street.
--You can have your beloved
lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps,
homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and
illegal aliens.
--We'll keep the hot Alaskan
hockey moms, greedy CEO's and
rednecks.
--We'll keep the Bibles and give
you NBC and Hollywood.
--You can make
nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain
the right to invade and hammer places that
threaten us.
--You can have the peaceniks and
war protesters. When our allies or our way of
life are under assault, we'll help provide them
security.
--We'll keep our
Judeo-Christian values.
--You are welcome to
Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political
correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also
have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying
the bill.
--We'll keep the SUV's, pickup
trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take
every Volt and Leaf you can find.
--You can
give everyone Healthcare if you can find any
practicing doctors.
--We'll continue to
believe healthcare is a luxury and not a
right.
--We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the
Republic" and "The National Anthem."
--I'm
sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine",
"I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba
Ya" or "We Are the World".
--We'll
practice trickle down economics and you can
continue to give trickle up poverty your best
shot.
--Since it often so offends you,
we'll keep our history, our name and our
flag.
Would you agree to this? If so,
please pass it along to other like minded
liberal and conservative patriots and if you do
not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of
friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one
of us will need whose help in 15
years.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law
Student and an American
P.S. Also, please
take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin & Charlie
Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & ( Hanoi ) Jane
Fonda with you.
P.S.S. And you won't have
to press 1 for English when you call our
country.
Forward This Every Time You Get
It ! Let's Keep This Going, Maybe Some Of It
Will Start
Sinking
In.
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If we did that, they would be bankrupt and begging to come back to us within the first year.
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Stolen :-)