The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: franksolich on May 10, 2008, 06:10:01 PM
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I've been throwing around an idea in the head, this being the slow season for me (usually I make enough money during income-tax season to pay all the bills for the next several months, and so slack off), about a cookbook for primitives.
The primitives are always concerned about high grocery prices (but oddly, not about the excess windfall profits of the marijuana industry), and so I've been thinking along the lines of recipes that are simple, no more than five or six ingredients, the ingredients dirt-cheap, and.....where fiber is measured in kg, not mg.
I already gave an example of this; government-made, socialist government-made, all-natural-ingredients, bread, which should surely please the primitives.
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php?topic=7045.0
A few weeks ago, I got done reading Sigmund Freud on the interpretation of dreams, which was rough going, and then turned to Sigmund Freud on bad management of the bowels being responsible for nearly all psychiatric and psychological malfunctions.
The guy was a walking one-man library on the subject.
I was always sort of aware this might be a pervasive problem with the primitives and their primitive ailments, but could never articulate it until I started reading Freud on the matter.
For example, when Pedro Picasso showed up at the other place a couple of years ago, one could immediately grasp that his rectal aperture had been permanently sewn shut, causing him to act all pissy and hostile.
The guy was so stuffed he made the inside of a Thanksgiving turkey took vacant.
Substantial fiber in the diet, apparently, can do a lot for unclogging a personality and a mentality.
And there are of course physical, in addition to personal, benefits of fiber.
There is a common allegation that the primitives use Cheetos as a main staple of their diets, but after examining what are, allegedly, photographs of the primitives themselves, it's more evident, really, that chocolates more so than Cheetos are the main staple in many primitive diets. The subway cat, the biboobsbaby primitive, and the greedy thorn primitive, for example, all look as if they chomp on chocolate eclairs as if popcorn, and it probably wouldn't hurt the Leona Helmsley of DUmmieland (the "flyarm" primitive) and the maharani primitive (the "lioness" primitive) to lay off the stuff, too.
So that's what I'm trying to do; I'd like to compile a cookbook for primitives, the most important thing being that the foods are high in fiber, or roughage, so as to unclog the evacutory ends of the primitives' alimentary canals, causing the primitives to become better, happier, and contributing members of society.
If anybody has any high-fiber recipes, please post them in the "Recipes" forum here, and I will pass them onto the primitives for the Great Common Good of Humanity.
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I found this oddly appropriate...
(http://dl3.glitter-graphics.net/pub/639/639293swz8taz56r.jpg)
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Barney Franks
Take one pack of processed meat from Massachusetts and boil liberally. Take one bag of buns from the closet. Slide Franks gently between the warmed buns and smother with Cream Of Sum Yung Guy.
I'll try to think of more later
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Barney Franks
Take one pack of processed meat from Massachusetts and boil liberally. Take one bag of buns from the closet. Slide Franks gently between the warmed buns and smother with Cream Of Sum Yung Guy.
I'll try to think of more later
But any fiber in it, or is it just all suet and lard?
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But any fiber in it, or is it just all suet and lard?
I'm sure there's lots of "butt fiber" in it.
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But any fiber in it, or is it just all suet and lard?
I'm sure there's lots of "butt fiber" in it.
That and a little navel lint is all. :-)
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I found this oddly appropriate...
(http://dl3.glitter-graphics.net/pub/639/639293swz8taz56r.jpg)
:rotf: :lmao: :rotf: :lmao: :rotf: :lmao:
H5, after I clean the coffee off my monitor . . .
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GLOBAL WARMING CHILI
1 pot...no! no! the cooking type
1 can of chili of any ingredients you prefer
Leave in arctic circle for 10 to 20 years; it will become blazing hot! No really! I swear to Gaia, there's scientificalism that says so!
PEACE ACTIVIST PASTRIES
rip-up 1 opposing cookbook
**** YOU, HATER!!!1!11
ABORTIONIST VEAL PARMIGAN
WTF!?!? Veal calves are living creatures that deserve our love and respect. I can't believe you sick ****s would even think about eating veal.
OBAMA'S RACE-BAITING STEW
Wait 35 years to finally develop a taste for soul food
Take 1 pack of crackers, beat them thoroughly and sprinkle liberally on top
(you can leave the beans out toally if you prefer)
Simmer over a low heat until just Wright
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Barney Franks
Take one pack of processed meat from Massachusetts and boil liberally. Take one bag of buns from the closet. Slide Franks gently between the warmed buns and smother with Cream Of Sum Yung Guy.
I'll try to think of more later
Take one Irish potato and marinate in whiskey until soft. Take potato and one chick and soak in fresh lake water until chick no longer bubbles.
Serve with eggs.
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Now wait a second, guys; I'm not seeing a whole lot of fiber in these recipes.
The purpose isn't to clog the systems of the primitives any further; the purpose is to UNclog the systems of the primitives, so that the primitives can look at the world and the future with optimism and hope, becoming worthwhile members of the race of man.
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Now wait a second, guys; I'm not seeing a whole lot of fiber in these recipes.
The purpose isn't to clog the systems of the primitives any further; the purpose is to UNclog the systems of the primitives, so that the primitives can look at the world and the future with optimism and hope, becoming worthwhile members of the race of man.
Potato Nutrition:
(http://www.idahopotato.com/images/nutrition/nutrition_r2_c2.gif)
8% daily fiber in one serving!
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But freedumb, sir, you can't do better than a measly 2 mg of fiber?
To get the primitives on the road to Healthy Bowel Management, we need recipes where fiber is measured in kg, not in measly mg.
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But freedumb, sir, you can't do better than a measly 2 mg of fiber?
To get the primitives on the road to Healthy Bowel Management, we need recipes where fiber is measured in kg, not in measly mg.
I'll bet if we marinate that potato with cabbage, we'll double the fiber. Now we are at 16%. 2 servings and you're talking serious roughage.
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But freedumb, sir, you can't do better than a measly 2 mg of fiber?
To get the primitives on the road to Healthy Bowel Management, we need recipes where fiber is measured in kg, not in measly mg.
I'll bet if we marinate that potato with cabbage, we'll double the fiber. Now we are at 16%. 2 servings and you're talking serious roughage.
Not to mention that they'll smell worse to each other (we could only hope!) . . .
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Fiber Brownies
Substitute Metamucil for the pot you usually add to the brownie mix. Enjoy!
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But freedumb, sir, you can't do better than a measly 2 mg of fiber?
To get the primitives on the road to Healthy Bowel Management, we need recipes where fiber is measured in kg, not in measly mg.
I'm beginning to think that the only thing that could help the primitives to "healthy bowel management" is an enema with a firehose.
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But freedumb, sir, you can't do better than a measly 2 mg of fiber?
To get the primitives on the road to Healthy Bowel Management, we need recipes where fiber is measured in kg, not in measly mg.
I'm beginning to think that the only thing that could help the primitives to "healthy bowel management" is an enema with a firehose.
Too funny! H5! :lmao:
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There may not be any fibre in it but if we were to elect another "Bush" to the whitehouse the DUmmies will have one hell of a bowel movement...... :-)
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There may not be any fibre in it but if we were to elect another "Bush" to the whitehouse the DUmmies will have one hell of a bowel movement...... :-)
The problem is this--they would confuse what would be in their opinions with what might be in their bowels, and they'd have "runs of the mouth."
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Nutraloaf (http://www.mahalo.com/Nutraloaf)
Nutraloaf is a food loaf served as punishment to unruly prisoners in many United States prisons. The Nutraloaf recipe varies widely, but often includes potato flakes, imitation cheese, beans, ground beef, cubed bread, and other foods. Because eating it does not require utensils, it is considered an ideal food to serve to prisoners who have attempted to use forks or spoons to unlock their cell or stab other inmates or guards.
Fast Facts:
Many prisoners would rather go hungry than to eat this meal
Has been used for years across the country
Served on a single piece of paper
No utensils are required to eat, thus no utensils for the inmates to throw
So high in fiber it can cause gastric illness
(http://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff68/kayaktn/nutraloaf1.jpg)
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I'm tempted to try this at home. I'll let you know how it turns out.
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That, Chris, sir, looks exactly like the sort of recipes I'm soliciting.
If the subway cat dined on that instead of chocolates and Fritos, the subway cat (or for that matter, the biboobsbaby primitive, or the greedy thorn primitive) would be Twiggy in no time at all, her beautiful woman inside of her released to the world.
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Fiber Brownies
Substitute Metamucil for the pot you usually add to the brownie mix. Enjoy!
:rotf:
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(http://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff68/kayaktn/nutraloaf1.jpg)
Substitute pork and feed it to the guests at Gitmo.
Sit back and watch as the ACLU, liberals, et al heads explode with claims of abuse and torture!
I'm pure evil and I enjoy it! :evillaugh:
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Ground pork is a little plain and tasteless. I think I'll try some high-fat ground beef.
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I'm tempted to try this at home. I'll let you know how it turns out.
You better stock up on toliet tissue first.
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I'm tempted to try this at home. I'll let you know how it turns out.
You better stock up on toliet tissue first.
Always be prepared. :)
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I'm tempted to try this at home. I'll let you know how it turns out.
You better stock up on toliet tissue first.
Always be prepared. :)
I seem to remember hearing about a couple of the inmates in Sherrif Joe's County Jail in AZ suing over being fed this. I think I'd take their recomendation, Chris.
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I found this oddly appropriate...
(http://dl3.glitter-graphics.net/pub/639/639293swz8taz56r.jpg)
:lmao:
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http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,342772,00.html
apparently some prisoners think it's illegal. :whatever:
As for a primitive cookbook suggestion I have a few:
Buy the basics like grains, fruits, veggies, lean meats. Stock up when things are on sale. Use your freezer, make double batches. Oats are a wonderful way to get lots of healthy fiber in your diet and they cost pennies per serving. You can eat them alone or use them in many recipes. Whole grain pastas, brown rice, beans, etc..are all relatively cheap and easy to fix not to mention filling and full of nutrition. Stay away from anything prepackaged or processed. Convenience foods are only useful in a pinch. You could make your own for a fraction of the cost. Buy at the Farmer's Market. Find a local meat supplier. Even a basement dwelling Dumpmonkey could eat like a king by following my advice. Their bodies and wallets would thank me.
Side note: I find it ironic that the DUmmies are so verklempt over food costs/meal planning. Aren't they supposed to be the tree-hugging granola heads? I learned everything I know about good nutrition, living cleanly, being kind to the earth, being self-sufficient, etc..from my very conservative grandparents and parents. Of course these were salt of the earth type folks who would rather grown their own pototoes in a mudhole than to take a welfare check. They also taught me conservation of natural resources. They were "cool" when Al Gore was in knee pants. Silly DUmmies!
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(http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/cgo/lowres/cgon321l.jpg)
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Fiber Brownies
Substitute Metamucil for the pot you usually add to the brownie mix. Enjoy!
Nutriloaf, what it tastes like to have your soul wither and die inside of you.
Served in some prisons as punishment for inmates' bad behavior (namely, throwing, spitting, or wasting their regular, non-loafed foodstuffs), Nutriloaf is essentially a day's worth of meals ground into a wet, bland brick. There have been a handful of lawsuits protesting the use of "meal loaf" in correctional facilities; however, most courts have found that, as long as the loaf in question meets certain daily nutritional requirements, it does not constitute cruel and unusual punishment. Therefore, we had no legal recourse when faced with this reader suggestion. The only question is, who among us would be willing to inflict such a thing upon his or her esteemed co-workers?
2 oz Cooked Ground Beef
4 oz Canned, Chopped Spinach
4 oz Canned Carrots, Diced
4 oz Vegetarian Beans
4 oz Applesauce
1 oz Tomato Paste
1/2 cup Potato Flakes
1 cup Bread Crumbs
2 oz Dry Milk Powder
1 tsp Garlic Powder or Flakes
Preparation: mash the heck outta everything and slap it into a loaf pan. Cook until non-toxic.Basically, it's not that different from making a meatloaf, save for one major thing: There is hardly ANY meat in it whatsoever. I doubled the recipe, and there was still hardly enough beef in it to constitute a decent-sized meatball.
"Tastes like applesauce… really moldy applesauce."
"I don't want a bean, the beans look gross."
"I have that 'it doesn't want to go down' sensation."
"It tastes like a big mushy granola bar."
"It's a little sweet."
"It sticks to your teeth."
"It has this really loathsome grainy, mooshy quality."
"It tastes like punishment, all right."
"If you like applesauce and beans, I can see it not being too bad."
"It's the way it looks that's the problem. You eat with your eyes first, and my eyes say 'no.'"
"Like most taste tests, it is gag-inducing, but I swallowed it."
"It tastes like it's been formulated to remove all taste."
"It isn't appetizing, but it is edible. It's an unusual punishment, but not necessarily cruel."
"I didn't think I was going to be able to swallow it, but I did."
"It mostly tastes like applesauce and grain. It's mostly that flavor mixed with the texture of meatloaf that's disturbing. That, and the idea of having to eat that whole loaf instead of this one bite."
"If I was in the desert for three days and I hadn't eaten, I would be thrilled to eat Nutriloaf; any other situation, no."
"Even though it doesn't have a taste, it feels like something is lingering in my mouth. It's like a Nutri-ghost."