The Conservative Cave
The Bar => The Lounge => Topic started by: BlueStateSaint on March 15, 2012, 07:03:30 AM
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I figured that this should go here. From The Onion:
Alien World To Help Out Syria Since This One Refuses To
March 14, 2012 | ISSUE 48•11
(http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/27/27620/Alien_World-R_2_jpg_635x345_crop-smart_upscale_q85.jpg)
Alien peacekeeping forces are currently being deployed to do what they say humanity “should have done ages ago.â€
IMPERIAL CITY, PLANET ZARKLOM 12—Frustrated by "the astonishing incapacity of earthlings to halt the rampant slaughter of their own kind" in Syria, the emperor of Zarklom 12 announced Wednesday he had no choice but to dispatch his own intergalactic forces from 3 million light years away to end the senseless bloodshed.
From his floating palace within his gaseous planet's swirling clouds of blue-green ammonia, Supreme Emperor and Dynastic Overlord Thuu'l told reporters that while the human race appeared willing to sit idly by, the planet of Zarklom 12 could no longer turn a blind eye to the mounting casualties in the yearlong uprising against President Bashar al-Assad.
"We have monitored the ongoing violence in the region of your world known as Syria, and we find ourselves as disgusted by your reluctance to stop it as we are horrified by the deaths themselves," said Thuu'l, an oily, amoeba-like creature who held in his pseudopod a U.N. report indicating al-Assad's forces have killed more than 7,500 civilians. "It's unbearable to watch even from the far end of the Triangulum Galaxy, and yet you who dwell upon the same planet continue to tolerate it. How is that possible?"
"We understand your species is primitive, but surely even your simplistic, half-formed consciences recognize that this cannot be allowed," Thuu'l continued. "Regardless, we have no choice but to take matters into our own hands. Our stellar armada is already on its way. Please do not distract our vessels with your air defenses."
Clarifying his intentions, Thuu'l assured uneasy reporters the operation was not a wholesale invasion of Earth but a very narrow offensive aimed at dislodging the al-Assad family from power; liberating cities such as Homs, which has been shelled by tanks and rockets unremittingly for a month; and freeing thousands of Syrians—many of them children—who have been imprisoned and tortured purely for political reasons.
Aliens--doing the jobs that the American president won't do.
The rest is at: http://www.theonion.com/articles/alien-world-to-help-out-syria-since-this-one-refus,27620/
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Well thank GOD it's not the Borg.
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Well thank GOD it's not the Borg.
I've heard about those Zarklomians. Their kids use the Borg as training dummies.
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I've heard about those Zarklomians. Their kids use the Borg as training dummies.
Yeah they can be a real pain when they invade your space.
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I understand that the Zarklomians used the suter system.
I think we got it from them in the first place so it's all good.
http://www.strategypage.com/htmw/htecm/articles/20071006.aspx
The Israeli Air force...slip in, break things, slip out.
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The weakness of 0bama invites alien intervention.
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They're just in it for the oil.