The Conservative Cave
The Bar => Comedy Central => Topic started by: CG6468 on February 21, 2012, 08:53:17 PM
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BICYCLES:
Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.
BUMP:
The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.
DEAFNESS:
This is a malady that affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.
DOG BED:
Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.
DROOL:
Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.
GARBAGE CAN:
A container that your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.
LEAN:
Every good dog's response to the “Sit!†command, especially if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.
LEASH:
A strap that attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.
LOVE:
Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.
SOFAS:
Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.
THUNDER:
This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.
WASTEBASKET:
This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home.
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:lmao:
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:)
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Our golden retriever has this thing about winding in between your legs, in and out, while you're trying to put the groceries down or hang up your coat. It's her own greeting style.
Goldens shed a lot. Which makes the wearing of black pants pretty much impossible. :whatever:
:lmao:
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Our golden retriever has this thing about winding in between your legs, in and out, while you're trying to put the groceries down or hang up your coat. It's her own greeting style.
Goldens shed a lot. Which makes the wearing of black pants pretty much impossible. :whatever:
:lmao:
My heeler does the same thing, when we are sitting down.
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My heeler does the same thing, when we are sitting down.
How in the hell does he do that when you're sitting on a couch? :???:
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An accurate protrayal. If I get off of the sofa, one of the dogs is sure to take my place.
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Wish I had a dog. I have to visit other people so I can pretend I have a dog for a little while. :-)
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Fetch. A perfect opportunity to train your master to throw, and retrieve an object.
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How in the hell does he do that when you're sitting on a couch? :???:
If you are sitting down, his back is level with the seat of the sofa. He winds back and forth and does crazy eights.
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If you are sitting down, his back is level with the seat of the sofa. He winds back and forth and does crazy eights.
Well, when I'm sitting on the couch, the backs of my legs are generally against the front of the couch. No room for crazy eights!
Belle does those crazy eights, though, but only when I'm standing.
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Our dog just likes to grab at pants legs when she's playful. She also does it when I try to leave for work on the weekends.