The Conservative Cave
The Bar => The Lounge => Topic started by: Ralph Wiggum on May 08, 2008, 11:11:00 AM
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I was gassing up my car in the western suburbs of Chicago about 5-6 years ago, and some 20-something DU-hippie type came up to me and said that "my blinker lights" were running low on fluid. Incredulous and in a playful mood, I looked at him and said "huh, do you know where they sell that? I'd hate to be running low with all the turns I have to make."
He proceeded to go on about the usual hard-times that had befallen him, and I told him "whatever, pal", jumped in my car and left.
I've encountered many bums and beggars near downtown Chicago, but this was certainly one of the more creative stories I've heard.
Anyone else have any good ones?
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I had one that wanted to fight everyone of the staff where I used to work for a job. Sort of a Royal Rumble for employment opportunities I guess.
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About a month ago a homeless woman, who appeared to be under the influence of drugs, jay walked across six lanes of traffic (it's a one-way street). I was forced to slow down and stop as were all the other cars on the road. She was about four feet from my car. Apparently, I didn't stop quickly enough or she felt I got too close to her but she mouths the word "bitch" to me and slowly saunters to the other side of the road, all the while staring me down. My passenger said I should have just hit her and be done with it.
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About a month ago a homeless woman, who appeared to be under the influence of drugs, jay walked across six lanes of traffic (it's a one-way street). I was forced to slow down and stop as were all the other cars on the road. She was about four feet from my car. Apparently, I didn't stop quickly enough or she felt I got too close to her but she mouths the word "bitch" to me and slowly saunters to the other side of the road, all the while staring me down. My passenger said I should have just hit her and be done with it.
You should have given her 10 bucks, pointed her West and said "California is just two hours that-a-way"
I was in my car, on the way to a D-back's game. There was no way I was going to waste perfectly good beer money on her.
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I was in my car, on the way to a D-back's game. There was no way I was going to waste perfectly good beer money on her.
Heh, yeah. Dealing with smart-assed bums is usually all part of the ballpark experience.
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Bums around Turner Field will pull out a 9 and start bussin' caps.
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I was in my car, on the way to a D-back's game. There was no way I was going to waste perfectly good beer money on her.
Heh, yeah. Dealing with smart-assed bums is usually all part of the ballpark experience.
Unfortunately, that's the case far too often. One of the easiest ways to get to Comiskey Park is to take the Red Line, which lets you off right in front of the stadium. After you get off the train, you essentially have to run the gauntlet of beggars before you get to the gates.
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About a month ago a homeless woman, who appeared to be under the influence of drugs, jay walked across six lanes of traffic (it's a one-way street). I was forced to slow down and stop as were all the other cars on the road. She was about four feet from my car. Apparently, I didn't stop quickly enough or she felt I got too close to her but she mouths the word "bitch" to me and slowly saunters to the other side of the road, all the while staring me down. My passenger said I should have just hit her and be done with it.
Must be something about the Arizona homeless. I had a homeless man call me a bitch after I told him I wouldn't give him money(and I don't say it the way BC does...lol)...I just told him, yeah, good luck with that(in reference to his panhandling) :-)
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About a month ago a homeless woman, who appeared to be under the influence of drugs, jay walked across six lanes of traffic (it's a one-way street). I was forced to slow down and stop as were all the other cars on the road. She was about four feet from my car. Apparently, I didn't stop quickly enough or she felt I got too close to her but she mouths the word "bitch" to me and slowly saunters to the other side of the road, all the while staring me down. My passenger said I should have just hit her and be done with it.
Must be something about the Arizona homeless. I had a homeless man call me a bitch after I told him I wouldn't give him money(and I don't say it the way BC does...lol)...I just told him, yeah, good luck with that(in reference to his panhandling) :-)
It's really hot here. That must make them extra cranky.
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Leaving a Cubs game in Chicago, walking back to the truck..I was with two good friends that were younger, but just as mouthy as me....a guy was begging....he was black....my friend tossed a nickel at him...like hit him with it....the guy said "that was pretty white of you"......and this might sound racist....but my buddy said "well that was pretty black of you to ask for money."
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I had one that wanted to fight everyone of the staff where I used to work for a job. Sort of a Royal Rumble for employment opportunities I guess.
Sounds like he's related to the one that wanted to arm-wrestle me for $5 a couple years ago! :rotf:
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This happened 2 days ago
Homeless Dude: dubbumba somtalba toke ?
Me: What ?
HD: dubbumba somtalba toke ?
Me: I can't understand you.
HD: pantomimes smoking a cigarette
Me: Yeah, just don't touch my truck.
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You know, this never works with me, because while I "look" like I can hear, I can't hear.
I'm a nice guy, and it wounds the heart, torments the soul, grieves the spirit, to admit that a panhandler approaching a deaf person gets all tied up in knots.
Sometimes I mistake someone asking for money, to be asking for the time, and point to a nearby clock, saying the time.
Other times I mistake someone asking for the time, and press a quarter in his non-outstretched hand.
I can never get it straight, but oh well, excresence happens.
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We got accosted by the street people in Peru. They knew enough English to hustle the tourists. Lots of them were teenagers or barely teenagers selling trinkets and junk. The funny thing was, they would do their routine and then say their name was something like "Tom Cruise", "Jennifer Anniston", "Bruce Willis", etc...the most creative guy was one trying to sell some really bad art. He called himself Picasso.
One girl was really tenacious and followed us around the square. They aren't supposed to follow tourists. They have a separate police force that basically runs around with a nightstick and whistle to do pest control. She was good at avoiding the stink eye and staying with her prey. She would tell jokes and could recite every U.S. president in order. Of course all of this was learned by rote and meant nothing to her. Another guy tried to hustle us and he told us his name was "Brad Pitt". We giggled and she said, "don't listen - he lies". So we said, "Well, what's your name, you never told us." She said, "Laura Bush" so I gave her all my pocket change and bought her a snack. I still have all of the little trinkets in a box. :-)
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The best line I ever heard was "Can I have a dollar for my Grandfather's sex change operation..." So I gave him one.
Another one told me he was only 40 cents away from getting some 1974 chateu Rothchild cabernet he had his heart set on. He also got a dollar. I bet he spent it on MD 20/20 though. He didn't strike me as a cabernet drinker.
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My encounters with them usually go like this:
Them: Gimme a cigret!
Me: Get ****ed.
Yeah! Thats usually how my conversations go with bums! :-) I actually got into a fight with one in Downtown Detroit :lmao: Looking back on it,it was probably not the wisest thing to do. Some of the bums down there are actually con men who carry guns!
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(http://revansonline.users.btopenworld.com/Media/images/bum_sign_jpg_jpg.jpg)
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Hmmm.
This thread seems to be attracting a lot of guests, so might as well bump it to the top.
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I think it was hearing President Eurkels Inaugural address back in Jan.
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oh boy...
A restaurant I used to work at had a parking lot with an old toll booth at the entrance. Some bum had climbed his way into the booth and was demanding parking money from our customers. They figured he was a bum -- I didn't hear about anyone giving him any money -- but the guy had it in his mind that he was a parking lot attendant that day.
Had a homeless person break into my apartment one day. Drank all my beer and slept in my bed but didn't take anything else. I had to throw the bedsheets out.
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Hmmm.
This thread seems to be attracting a lot of guests, so might as well bump it to the top.
maybe bobolink and her friends have found us.
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One came up and kept begging,
"Please buy my book!"
(http://notedffxi.com/images/al-gore-book.jpg)
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I get the "Hey bruz you got a dorrah / smoke ?"
To which I respond - "Yep".
Then keep walking.
To which they respond with a string of (usually racially loaded) profanities.
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Asked of me by a dirty DU hippy type on the downtown mall of Santa Cruz, CA:
"Spare a dollar seventy-nine for some wheatgrass juice, dude?"
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My brother and I were finishing a delivery route in Charleston, WV, when a guy in a trench coat approached his side of the truck while we were at a stop light.
The guy knocks on the door, bro rolls down the window about 2 inches and the guy opens his coat, revealing several pairs of car speakers, and asks bro if he want to buy some.
Bro politely says no, rolls up the window, turns to me and says "GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!".... :lmao:
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Downtown on Friday night, a bum asked me for if I had "a dollar so I can buy me a meal at the shelter".
I said "No, I don't, but thanks for asking".
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I just tell 'em to go have a chat with Zero-bama. Get lots and lots of sneers for that one!
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Downtown on Friday night, a bum asked me for if I had "a dollar so I can buy me a meal at the shelter".
I said "No, I don't, but thanks for asking".
Check out the time line on this thread, May 2008 and see how far we have come.
Todays panhandlers are not strangers anymore, they could be family or friends.====Give it another year or two and it could be us.
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Check out the time line on this thread, May 2008 and see how far we have come.
Todays panhandlers are not strangers anymore, they could be family or friends.====Give it another year or two and it could be us.
Well, you can be assured that if I ever have to panhandle a dollar seventy-nine, it will be for a can of Campbell's Chunky Soup, and not a "wheatgrass juice, dude".
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We used to drive around the shithole parts of Fresno making fun of bums and hookers. One day we brought Mike along for the ride, we had pulled over and were chatting up this one hooker, who had her tits out and we were fondling away. All of the sudden she yelled "shitmother****cock" and fell to the ground.
Mike had nailed her in the ass with a stun gun.
I hammered it out of there and as I looked back in the mirror the ho was getting to her feet with a gun in her hand.
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Nothing incredibly unique, but a buddy of mine on my last boat had a unique reply to a panhandler in Victoria, BC. My buddy was a big black electrician, very quiet and low-key. Panhandler asked him for money, to which he replied, "Well, you look like a strong young man, and McDonald's is hiring!" and kept walking. For about ten seconds our jaws were on the floor, after which we were laughing our asses off.