The Conservative Cave

Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: Chris_ on December 15, 2011, 08:43:27 PM

Title: Christmas Cookies
Post by: Chris_ on December 15, 2011, 08:43:27 PM
I was chatting with another member about the DUmp's propensity for fundraisers and realized the next big moneymaker isn't until February 14, Valentine's Day.  Valentine hearts!  Why should the DUmmies have to wait to have their hard-earned cash extorted from them by Herr Skinner?  She came up with an ingenious idea... Christmas Cookies!  A dollar apiece! I offered.  It's a pure money maker and even the cheapest DUmmy can buy their fellow liberal progressive a token of esteem.  I'm not sure what a dollar will get you at the DUmp, but it has to be worth a try.

Christimas Cookies... coming soon to a DUmp near you.
Title: Re: Christmas Cookies
Post by: GOBUCKS on December 15, 2011, 08:46:28 PM
I was chatting with another member about the DUmp's propensity for fundraisers and realized the next big moneymaker isn't until February 14, Valentine's Day.  Valentine hearts!  Why should the DUmmies have to wait to have their hard-earned cash extorted from them by Herr Skinner?  She came up with an ingenious idea... Christmas Cookies!  A dollar apiece! I offered.  It's a pure money maker and even the cheapest DUmmy can buy their fellow liberal progressive a token of esteem.  I'm not sure what a dollar will get you at the DUmp, but it has to be worth a try.

Christimas Cookies... coming soon to a DUmp near you.
You can't be serious. These are democrats.

It has to be Holiday Cookies.
Title: Re: Christmas Cookies
Post by: Chris_ on December 15, 2011, 08:46:52 PM
There are some details that need to be ironed out.
Title: Re: Christmas Cookies
Post by: Karin on December 16, 2011, 09:36:16 AM
You can't be serious. These are democrats.

It has to be Holiday Cookies.

No, Holi is too close to Holy.  Winter Solstice cookies. 
Title: Re: Christmas Cookies
Post by: Ballygrl on December 16, 2011, 11:20:19 AM
That's an awesome idea, but like others cited, you can't use the word Christmas, maybe Winter Solstice Cookies?
Title: Re: Christmas Cookies
Post by: Chris_ on December 16, 2011, 11:22:47 AM
'Cookie' is a derogatory term used toward young women.  I guess that's out too.

Maybe Edible Winter Solstice Treats.
Title: Re: Christmas Cookies
Post by: franksolich on December 16, 2011, 11:24:51 AM
'Cookie' is a derogatory term used toward young women.  I guess that's out too.

Maybe Edible Winter Solstice Treats.

But the word "winter" is anti-spring, anti-summer, and anti-autumn; it's a prejudiced word.

It's a seasonist word, which means it's as bad as a racist word.
Title: Re: Christmas Cookies
Post by: Chris_ on December 16, 2011, 11:26:33 AM
This is more difficult than I expected.

Naturally Sweetened Organic Autumnal Solstice Treats?

But the term 'treat' implies exclusivity and discrimination.  We can't have that either.
Title: Re: Christmas Cookies
Post by: Chris_ on December 16, 2011, 11:30:28 AM
Aha!  This couldn't possibly offend anyone...

Naturally Sweetened Organic Autumnal Solstice Baked Goods.
Title: Re: Christmas Cookies
Post by: franksolich on December 16, 2011, 11:35:44 AM
Aha!  This couldn't possibly offend anyone...

Naturally Sweetened Organic Autumnal Solstice Baked Goods.

To the contrary; I'm sure it would offend some political-correctnessists.

"Naturally" is anti-unnatural and hence a hostile word; "sweetened" is anti-sour and hence a hostile word; "organic" is anti-nonorganic and hence a hostile word; "autumnal" is prejudiced against that which is winteral, springal, and summeral; "solstice" is different from the other days (or nights) of the year and hence a hostile word; "baked" is anti-raw, "goods" is against things of no substance, &c., &c., &c.

This of course is political correctness reducio ad absurdum, but it's where we're headed, towards a language that means nothing at all.
Title: Re: Christmas Cookies
Post by: chitownchica on December 16, 2011, 11:48:15 AM
Here's my holiday message to the DUmmies:

(http://i358.photobucket.com/albums/oo28/dlt323/misfortune-cookie.jpg)
Title: Re: Christmas Cookies
Post by: GOBUCKS on December 16, 2011, 12:15:35 PM
'Cookie' is a derogatory term used toward young women.  I guess that's out too.

Maybe Edible Winter Solstice Treats.
No good. Another derogatory term used toward young women.
Title: Re: Christmas Cookies
Post by: Karin on December 16, 2011, 12:36:42 PM
Quote
"organic" is anti-nonorganic and hence a hostile word

Indeed it is.  Don't forget about that knock-down drag-out fight in the Cooking & Baking forum, between Tangerine LaBamba and Hippiewife.  Hippiewife was insisting that organic was absolutely essential.  TLB suggested that not everyone can afford it, a $5 black banana, a $7 rotten potato, a $10 shriveled carrot.  Mrs. Packer lit right into her. 
Title: Re: Christmas Cookies
Post by: Jason on December 16, 2011, 12:43:40 PM
To the contrary; I'm sure it would offend some political-correctnessists.

"Naturally" is anti-unnatural and hence a hostile word; "sweetened" is anti-sour and hence a hostile word; "organic" is anti-nonorganic and hence a hostile word; "autumnal" is prejudiced against that which is winteral, springal, and summeral; "solstice" is different from the other days (or nights) of the year and hence a hostile word; "baked" is anti-raw, "goods" is against things of no substance, &c., &c., &c.

This of course is political correctness reducio ad absurdum, but it's where we're headed, towards a language that means nothing at all.

Maybe nothingness and everything-ness for $1?
Title: Re: Christmas Cookies
Post by: Skul on December 16, 2011, 12:44:35 PM
Late year flour-compund heated disks? :thatsright:
Title: Re: Christmas Cookies
Post by: franksolich on December 16, 2011, 01:56:39 PM
Indeed it is.  Don't forget about that knock-down drag-out fight in the Cooking & Baking forum, between Tangerine LaBamba and Hippiewife.  Hippiewife was insisting that organic was absolutely essential.  TLB suggested that not everyone can afford it, a $5 black banana, a $7 rotten potato, a $10 shriveled carrot.  Mrs. Packer lit right into her. 

Good times, good times.
Title: Re: Christmas Cookies
Post by: Karin on December 16, 2011, 02:47:29 PM
Late year flour-compound heated disks? :thatsright:

You might be on to something.  But there better not be any high fructose corn syrup in them.  Or for matter, sugar.  It's bad for you and causes terrible health problems. 
Title: Re: Christmas Cookies
Post by: Chris_ on December 16, 2011, 02:50:04 PM
Or gluten.  Gluten gives DUmmies gas.
Title: Re: Christmas Cookies
Post by: Mike B the Cajun on December 17, 2011, 07:48:31 AM
Gluten gives DUmmies gas.

They don't need gluten; all they have to do is open their mouth...    :-)