The Conservative Cave

The Bar => The Lounge => Topic started by: SSG Snuggle Bunny on August 03, 2011, 06:39:09 PM

Title: Things you oughtn't say, but do
Post by: SSG Snuggle Bunny on August 03, 2011, 06:39:09 PM
"You look just like my ex...

...so I guess I know what you look like naked."
Title: Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
Post by: NHSparky on August 04, 2011, 08:24:06 AM
No, your ASS makes your ass look fat.

Here Officer, hold my beer while I get my license--wait, how'd that weed get in there?

Yes, honey, I really did get you a pony.  It's in the freezer.

You give shitty directions and you couldn't run pantyhose, boss.
Title: Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
Post by: SSG Snuggle Bunny on August 04, 2011, 09:18:02 AM
INTERLOCUTOR: Why do weapons always look like phallic symbols? Swords, spears, guns, artillery. They always look like penises.

ME: Because if they were shaped like vaginas they'd just lay there and expect you to do all the work.
Title: Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
Post by: CG6468 on August 04, 2011, 09:28:18 AM
For a fat girl, you don't sweat much.
Title: Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
Post by: DumbAss Tanker on August 04, 2011, 09:35:39 AM
"When is the baby due?" - and then it eventuates that the other party isn't pregnant.
Title: Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
Post by: debk on August 04, 2011, 09:38:31 AM
Quote from: DumbAss Tanker on August 04, 2011, 09:35:39 AM
"When is the baby due?" - and then it eventuates that the other party isn't pregnant.


I learned the hard way to never, ever ask that question!  :thatsright:
Title: Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
Post by: CG6468 on August 04, 2011, 09:48:10 AM
Quote from: DumbAss Tanker on August 04, 2011, 09:35:39 AM
"When is the baby due?" - and then it eventuates that the other party isn't pregnant.

I came close to doing that once. She was a devout Catholic in a Catholic family. But I backed off - thank God!
Title: Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
Post by: NHSparky on August 04, 2011, 10:23:45 AM
Sorry, did you say my eyes were reddened like I've been drinking too much, Officer?  Well, your eyes are glazed like you've eaten too many goddammed donuts!

The stork?  No, you were left here by gypsies.  Now if they'll just take you back.

Damn you can sure (list ex's habit here.) ===> Guilty, and I'll burn in hell for it.  Double points if you name ex.

Who's the father?

I know you got fired, but you're still welcome to come to the company party.
Title: Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
Post by: Wineslob on August 04, 2011, 10:26:17 AM
Do what you want with the girl, but leave me alone!*















ripped off from the late George Carlin.
Title: Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
Post by: SSG Snuggle Bunny on August 04, 2011, 03:17:15 PM
Now that you're here I guess we have everything we need...except the penicillin shot.